what are you doing paint it on
you me all right ready go charlie
oh what god i thought you just got your
finger oh baby wait wait it's extremely
cool baby that's hot as [ __ ] without
just some friends making thanksgiving
what do you want to tell them about
first well we're making thanksgiving
food i guess
and uh that's as far as i know i guess
we should get it we'll get the
yeah the turkey's going to take the
longest right all right so find
something to put
here you want me to show them the bird
yeah sure we got a prized bird oh god
damn raised with nothing but antibiotics
yes this is
perfect it's an antibiotic bird
i know i'm just oh i didn't tell them a
temperature or anything for the future
yeah i got you so is there like a
preheat button or what's up with that
i think i just need a pot first right
yes there's like a pan maybe
no that wouldn't make any sense so much
no i think apartments
i just need a receptacle to put the
turkey
oh you're going to use
powdered gloves
to touch a turkey they're not powdered
oh powder-free nitrile example you're
right
these were made for turkey
you did call them turkey gloves so
you're probably right
this bad boy and i
put it right there
all right that was a bad start
oh god okay she's carrying a little
water
that's poisonous
okay a bit swampy
no it actually smells good do we have
any like turkey scientists in here is it
supposed to be like all brownies
it doesn't smell good
so charlie when you cook the turkey and
it's ready that will pop out gotcha
well you didn't know that either man
you called it a nipple piece i didn't
actually think it was a nipple here
chelsea check that out
look look at what's going on in there
that's the prince
yeah it's the business end
of what the turkey mats
what's all in there are you going to
take yeah take the gibbs yeah a lot of
the dribble it's not a good business we
call them the jibs in the business
you just gotta really get in there
oh
is that not connected to the giblets
i think that's connected to the giblets
isn't it i mean it could rip out its
spine like a mortal combat fatality i
guess
right here i'll pull open her legs so
there's kind of like
yeah just really don't be afraid to
think we pull this that's what i thought
let me
yeah you hold
something's coming out
the plastic is tearing i think maybe
that's not connected to the giblets
maybe this bag in here oh yeah the
frozen giblets are right there oh yeah
you get in there and get those out it
didn't come with a tutorial for some
reason
just really get in there my hands
imagine you're i think i'm gonna
i got the jibs oh my god it's a
thanksgiving miracle you want to make a
wish
yeah that's exactly what i was worried
about are there's more jibs there's a
lot of chips in there you get those
chips
they're uncovered
let them cook a turkey in the microwave
if he wants to
no what are you doing
what was that thought process
i thought if i tilted it over they fall
out remember that one guy who was a
trooper
he warmed up a turkey with slaps oh true
we could just
i don't it's poisonous
just don't like it
we've already had like water splash back
on me
oh god
it's fun
it's burning [ __ ] out of my hands go in
you piece of [ __ ]
stop complaining man it's thanksgiving
right what am i thankful for my hands
are on fire
that's just a block of ice oh it's
perfect i told you it would fit
wonderfully
please keep all arms and legs inside the
vehicle
all right all right now i'm going to
wash my hands right
you know what the problem is he knows he
doesn't have to eat any of this right we
should one time make you make what do
you need yes i ate my parm chicken last
night you couldn't eat your parmesan
yeah it was impossible yeah but i ate a
piece of it that was edible
and i loved it danny i thought it was
great that's going wild right now with
the butter aren't they yeah this is no
they're saying that's great
you're saying
no i eyeballed about a cup all right
we're giving him too much help he's got
a recipe go ahead charles make your
butter
gotta paint it on a little bit
that's what the directions said right
yes paint it on
obviously you should probably just stick
one put one stick in there for good
measurable well it said it literally
says to in this step it said
uh
you will use the remaining fresh herbs
for stuffing inside the cavity of the
turkey
maybe this is a bad recipe it's making
me look dumb
wait chelsea you're white
if you think this is how all white
people cook turkeys because charlie
stewart
it's actually pretty classic technique
i wonder what percent of the chats think
you're joking
are right
you mean charlie's ability to cook a
turkey i'm pretty good at it terrible if
it was up to me there would be no
seasoning on this [ __ ] thing i just
throw it in the oven call it a day it is
up to you
this is your turkey i put the butter in
its ass and i'm throwing it in
oh yeah that stick of butter we're using
is like a
surfboard underneath them is gonna be
really really nice i think
yeah i think so too
it's good
oh my god that looks are you getting
this chelsea look how good that looks
amazing well i i didn't send it to you
guys i could send them to you
people are not [ __ ] no no why what
happened i don't send them on this part
they're saying no seasoning no tin foil
what the [ __ ] are they doing
that's all that's all a myth but that
you know who needs we we don't need tin
foil because charlie set it to 400
instead of 325 yes
it really seeps in quicker so you're
going to lift up the turkey why do you
only have cookie sheets
i don't cook caleb
what do you mean
should you not figure that out
i know it looks like a rainbow fooling
you i get this
all right how close are we what's your
favorite thanksgiving memory charles
uh before covid when like my aunt and
uncle would come over uncle larry had
the craziest stories to tell andrew also
used to come over i remember hearing
that from andrew he would but his
stories never have an ending so he'll
start something that makes no sense
he'll be like yes and he lives on a farm
so he's like yeah i was riding my
lawnmower around my neighbors or
[ __ ] so i saw them out one day
and that's the that's that's the end of
his whole story perfect you never like
there's never a climax or a conclusion
it's just like yeah i was doing this
yep perfect yeah that's [ __ ] great
it's just like a perpetual cliffhanger
every time he tells a story
i'm actually very proud of him right now
he's doing really well but there's a
crucial stuff coming up here soon that
i'm really waiting to see what he does
i'm good at improvising these yeah no i
don't think you have a
[Laughter]
[Applause]
there you go
that's a big
boy there's a spoon he's winning we're
doing this might be the best dish
charlie's ever made it's also the only
dish i've ever made with directions
you just made a turkey with instructions
and you skipped all of them i didn't
have instruction that that wasn't those
weren't it's still up easy no fuss
thanksgiving turkey that's not a real
recipe though you made it hard and fussy
it was terrible that's not a real recipe
this is her doing it here she's looking
good it's never been happy 20 minutes i
bet it's pretty close
he did do the math
you ready for turkey action yeah it's
not going to be good enough i just want
to pull it open you lose 20 of the heat
every time you open it no i know but
it's going to be [ __ ]
like when you were younger
and your mom was like charlie go clean
the dishes that's how you did it and
then she never made you do the dishes
again wait
did your mom ever make you do the dishes
i used to love to do the dishes that
actually makes sense i used to love it
he's cleaning the thing yeah
if she was like charlie go dirty the
dishes
oh my god no no
yeah what are you doing do the dishes he
throws them all away that's why he
always uses paper just throw him on the
floor
all right
we forgot this is what dana's eating
later
the mashed potatoes that's what it's
about but that's fine it wasn't a bad
purpose are you ready yeah i got you so
i baked for 25 minutes and then it
let's go
start a timer
no we don't need that i'll keep track of
my head okay all right yeah you start
one but
i won't tell you don't tell them yeah
just take it out is there an extra watch
no no no you both have three you ready
and then i'll insert one somewhere are
you ready
to do part of this stuff the hard part
was giving them values okay all right
yeah so sorry we need three between us
one of us
i think one of us starts with two so you
you me all right ready go and meet and
boom
they didn't catch a single one that
worked really well
i think we were right on the cusp though
ready
oh oh i'm not throwing we're just you
just let that hit the ground okay we're
just playing catch at this point just
work very well oh i'm not rolling my
hands were moving but the potatoes
weren't leaving uh did you set a time
this is what it's all about just some
friends making thanksgiving
you're trying to
break it in half a quarter that way
that's probably good
enough
oh my god i thought i could get it i
don't dress a cutting board
i've literally never heard myself
i know everyone's freaking out
well that knife doesn't work
what
no i'm fine i have good technique
that's how it's supposed to be
that was absolutely close to you
he grabbed the potato like this
and then
charlie's weakness tends to be the oven
i think you're wrong that's true the
turkey went wrong before it when it
sounds like the first thing we cooked in
the oven but he does make a fire burrito
my burritos are dead i bet that i bet
it's true now keep in mind that only
uses the microwave
of course fill up a warm sour cream
did you do sour cream before or after
the microwave before really you heat up
sorry
i'm choking
up the whole thing baby
you're not joking better is warm sour
cream and cream and water i'm just gonna
say do you heat up the guac too
absolutely oh my god
oh lord
ready add potatoes and cook until tender
but still firm about 15 minutes get
those
papa's in there
240.
oh god yeah i don't want it to splash at
me but i also don't feel like getting a
utensil to make this easier do it here
it's going to be a bigger carry
here just hold it there oh
good enough
i was like if he was about to come down
i was going to let him pull out
well we could put it wait wait put it
back in put it back in
come on charles
casserole's
wow
now he's garnishing him
so these onions are the crunchy onions
because they weren't baked that's right
but the only thing i liked was my
grandma's beans let's go to sam
all right
grandma's bean
that's good
[Music]
one letter
not even slicing the green beans yeah he
decided to go with a
natural slurp them like like spaghetti
it's a rustic approach like some hole
then in a small saucepan i'm heating up
butter and milk
that looked yummy yeah you did a good
job i've never been this proud of you
before
i definitely thought i did a good job
check the turkey all right you want to
get a little trick get in here it's
going to look good i can already see it
by opening it yeah
oh
she's golden
like a marshmallow
it does have a little color
they say a good turkey is the color of a
marshmallow
did you want to
try your green bean casserole well when
it cools off yeah i thought we were all
going to try it
all right everyone come try my green
beans be careful with the glass touched
it to see the temperature and burn my
finger
awesome broccoli in the microwave
beans make me lean back what does that
mean
what does that mean
i just followed the directions as they
were written i think we're missing the
soy sauce a little bit for some flavor
yeah there's some some salt
in there
we're not salted we didn't i mean you
put a little bit yeah the soy sauce is
like charlie took this little shaker and
put me once
yeah i did two squirts yeah i can
confirm he at the end corrected and did
two
you're gonna really like the chunks out
of chocolate this is literally one here
for my birthday instead of a cake i had
a green bean casserole what is wrong
with your bird
are you okay no
that's like every vegetarian's dream on
thanksgiving is green bean casserole the
best dish it really is oh wait till you
try that i'm excited it's gonna ruin
everything it's actually really guys
it's not that bad it's a solid seat no
it's not bad it just tastes like green
beans that's what i said
what everybody's eating eating it don't
throw it away are you actually gonna
finish it i'm well yeah i mean i'm not
gonna pick it myself i'd be so happy if
you guys actually hate it i mean it's
not bad i'm sitting here eating it it's
really not that's so
i'm so tired
look at what happens when you make food
edible
we eat it all right
they're probably not soft enough they're
not soft at all but i'm going turbo mode
all right that was pretty good well the
the milk will help too
they're definitely not heated all the
way through no they're not even close
well some of the pieces are about three
size times the size that's the other way
yeah why did we take them off of boiling
wrestlers i am chomping the [ __ ] out of
these [ __ ]
that's supposed to be a little stiff you
know of milk yeah let's get some more
and that's what we're doing ready yeah
sure yeah all right stop
that oh whoa
just [ __ ] dump it
oh baby wait wait no that's hot
please don't mash hard enough that it
sprays
they're starting to really soften up now
this lube the gears
that's a jackhammer
we are actually making great progress
here
that's what i was saying
then i'll go in there with my fists and
start looking pretty man whatever you
put it on the floor and like steps it up
like grapes
smashing video
oh man you're entering a new level
that's much speed
i've got 25 years of practice
that's looking good look pretty good
oh there's a piece
nice i thought you could hide
[Music]
is the chicken okay let me check on that
chicken chicken
it was a chicken it would have been done
four years
yeah
it smells good you can smell the apple
actually yeah
were you a fan of baked apples oh yeah
[Music]
it's looking like a normal turkey
because that's exactly what it is
i did not [ __ ] it up it's just a turkey
that's going to taste like [ __ ]
but it's not going to be poisonous
though
unrelated if anyone's hungry i wouldn't
be opposed to ordering food either
a whole thing of green green casserole
here
what do you mean
it's creamy casserole yeah there's so
much
like i said i'm kind of full oh you're
well we need this turkey dog yeah the
turkey needs to finish cooking and then
charlie's going to tell us a story
uh the first thanksgiving
tell us about it
well you don't want to know about it
it's
it's a gruesome tale
why well you know the pilgrims weren't
really known for their hospitality
especially not with christopher columbus
in the mix that guy was it that guy what
a that guy was a real [ __ ]
let's check on the turkey this is how we
compensate for it being at 400 we open
it every 20 minutes
whoa it's probably ready to eat well we
have it open we should baste it
so far his basting option was an ice
cream scoop
all right i'll get it up all right yeah
who wants to see some basting
that's going to be baked in the sheet
it's going to be great all right you
want something smaller no
yeah just
[Music]
throwing the juices yeah all right let
me get your something smaller
this is so dangerous
alternatively you could take it out and
just turn it over
until that's the worst i can get away
from the oven you're scaring me speaking
of which guys do not measuring turkeys
like this look at that gloss
all right danny do your thing
all right i'm getting it
night sweet prince
see you in the morning
i'm pretty satisfied overall me too we
crushed it
my mouth is watering
are we actually going to waste all that
good meat nope it's just going to take a
long time to cook you just have like
tupperware baby food is that what that
is but what no it's soup
it's squash oh yeah yeah of course
butternut squash you idiot yeah yeah
what do you mean
sorry you got 14 tupperware bowls of
soup in there excuse me that's good soup
he actually dips
do you guys want me to make you a
burrito make us a burrito show us yeah
your pounded burrito tip your main
cooking technique wash your hands first
yeah
show us your burritos all right i'll
show you the standard burrito oops yeah
of course that you're making it's a
little thanksgiving burrito
can you tell us where in like the first
thanksgiving story the burrito fits in
well
christopher columbus
is a big burrito guy
i always knew it yeah
dude it's simple it's not exciting
and that's it i did it that's the
burrito that's a good burrito
yes
microwave sour cream and guac i don't
know why people are acting like it's
like a bit of hot walk to
tie the burrito together i'm excited to
try it it's called the moisturita it's
genuinely just a basic burrito i don't
know why this heated sour cream thing is
like an artificially
made debate
super normal
have you
absolutely apparently not if
it really is you got me a burrito from
chipotle once and the sour cream was in
the burrito they don't eat it
it's a big tub of cold sour cream that
they sell everything at the end and
everything is hot in the burrito right
which means the sour cream on hot things
but you don't heat it up but it still
gets hot it's the same result to be fair
and it is the exact same result
he just likes to play devil's advocate
when he's oh because
because it's true it's just totally
normal
do do a pull
making my abuela
[Music]
extremely oh baby that's hot as [ __ ]
that's why you let it cool off i was
joking like oh it's going to be warm
that burned the [ __ ] out of my house
very hot so i microwaved the burrito oh
my god
i should have basted it
yeah should we check on the turkey water
yeah let's see how it's doing let's give
it a little look-see
it's about the same color as three hours
ago no that's looking good
like i've never had a single person that
was like my favorite things the turkey
yeah turkey [ __ ] sucks let's be
honest
let's get a little cross-section here
okay let's see smells good because it is
good oh you got the tail end that's
going to be that looks like a good mix
there though
it is a good mix that looks really good
all right it's going to be pretty hot i
might i know it's actually i might it's
real hot in my hands here all right here
we
go exactly
and it's really good very very good
see i told you
this whole debate on heated sour cream
cringe is a lie
what else in the burrito it's
ground chicken
red and green bell peppers onions all
chopped and then
i believe a little cayenne
so he did like it he went for round two
that is true there's like a burrito
exactly do it no no the whole thing yeah
yeah you should put it in a burrito in
the microwave
that is such a bad ratio
that's just a little bit of meat no oh
yeah so thanksgiving
burrito a guac
cheese oh baby we should turn on the
turtle turn on the
where's the fan fan it's the butter it's
the butter burger the
the
smoke merits marinates in the turkey
get that turkey out of the oven okay
please please be careful doing this yes
no we're not going to move it yet just
closed
happy thanksgiving
why aren't they taking it out what's
wrong there's a big
there's nothing wrong no it's good we're
just yeah
admiring it safety first just in case
there was a bond plant in it i guess
yeah we're waiting for the bomb squad to
come check it out do you guys have any
cool thanksgiving turkeys or stories
i have one right here stories to tell
will we wait for the turkey
i feel like i'm having four
five if you count today thanksgivings
this year four
yeah
wow sounds awful
do you have any other really good
thanksgiving stories no i don't have
anything interesting thanksgiving's one
of the most underwhelming holidays in
the world what about black friday
stories those that's also super
underwhelming i go out every while i
used to go out every black friday just
to see if i could watch a fight but
everyone's super like behaved
oh that's your idea
this is a horrible idea this was not my
original one yeah technical pretty cool
oh yeah
now you're really flying you'll cruise
through it now
man you think you're better than me yes
that's going to be a game changer yeah
the sillier this idea because it's a
pretty good so listen it's not that
silly when you listen to me you just
grab the turkey okay
careful you said grab the turkey get it
and then slit like spike it like a
little ball
and then throw it like a discus
see that was so easy and dinner is
served that actually looks really well
cooked
are we sure the thing didn't pop out yet
i think it just needs a little more time
all right so now
it looks like it fell it's a two tone
it looks like it fell asleep like a
black and white cookie
what do you want yeah
that's the head dude or it's you didn't
cut the head
here lift the turkey a little no let me
stuff it under it
it's the umbilical cord
let it take a nap
this is all right we've defrosted it now
now we can cook it now we can cook it we
did it
you know this will let me cook if you
want to rip it off it honestly looks
pretty good it really does
happy thanksgiving everyone
[Music]
let's go
all right
bye everyone