-Welcome, everybody.
Welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show."
You're here. This is "The Tonight Show."
This is such an exciting night, because we are coming to you
after the Opening Ceremony for the 2024 Paris Olympics!
[ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪
That's right -- Paris welcomed 206 countries,
10,000 athletes, and a bunch of honeymooners saying,
"We should have picked a different weekend."
I gotta say, I'm really pumped for the Paris Olympics.
And to all of our French viewers,
I'd just like to say... [ Speaks French ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Of course, there are many Olympic events
people are looking forward to,
like track, gymnastics, and swimming.
Unfortunately, the pool was shut down today
after the filter got clogged by Emmanuel Macron's chest hair.
And...
But this was cool.
LeBron James was one of the Team USA's flag bearers.
Yeah. [ Cheers and applause ]
That makes sense.
No American is more French than LeBron.
LeBron.
And get this -- I saw that Peacock will stream
over 5,000 hours of Olympic content.
-Ooh! -5,000 hours. That's a lot.
And I think that they're having trouble
coming up with programming to fill the time.
Yeah, look at a promo I just saw today.
-Peacock is your place for nonstop Olympic coverage.
We'll have all the events,
plus special programming guaranteed
to fill up 5,000 hours, programming like...
-Wow! I don't know. That sounds good.
I want to know where they are.
And did you see this?
The British Olympic team said they had to fly
an extra chef into Paris
because the food at the Olympic Village is so bad.
You know the food is bad if British people are like,
"We can't eat this."
Yeah, the Paris Olympics are under way,
and I saw that every sport has its own
unique logo design for the games.
For example, here's tennis. Yeah.
And, well, it turns out while these are the official logos
for the Olympic events,
they're also the unofficial logos for other things.
I'll show you what I mean.
Like, here's another logo.
Now, officially, it's swimming, okay?
Unofficially, it's...
[ Groans ]
Here's the next logo. Officially, it's handball.
Unofficially, it's...
[ Cheers and applause ]
Here's another one here. Officially, it's trampoline.
Unofficially, it's...
Here's the next one here. Officially, it's fencing.
Unofficially, it's...
How did this break...
Check out this logo. Officially, is triathlon.
Unofficially, it's...
"And then I was taking it down the road.
You never did that before?"
Here's the next one. Officially, it's taekwondo.
Unofficially, it's...
And you go, "No one needs -- No one's doing that. No one..."
And, finally, here's the last one.
Officially, it's wrestling. Unofficially, it's...
Come on, come on.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Well, some political news.
Today, the Obamas officially endorsed
Vice President Kamala Harris, and they actually called her
to personally give their endorsement.
This is a real. Take a look.
That was really nice. Yeah.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I thought that was great.
Turns out -- It turns out she also got a call
from another former president.
And we actually had that video, too.
-Really? -Yeah. Watch this.
I thought that was nice. Wasn't that nice of him?
Guys, well, listen to this.
Tomorrow in Nashville,
former president Trump will deliver the keynote address
at the world's largest Bitcoin conference.
Yeah. Trump and crypto. It's being called ConCon.
[ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪
-Oh!
-Hyuh!
That's right -- Trump and crypto,
ruining all of your Thanksgivings since 2016.
Switching gears, yesterday,
Chevrolet unveiled its latest Corvette,
which it calls the most powerful V-8 ever produced in America
and costs around $200,000.
Take a look at this thing.
-Whew! -That's quite a car.
-Wow. Look at that thing.
But anybody who drives that has a very small --
-Higgins! -What?
A very small dog.
It doesn't look like there'd be room for a big pet.
-Oh, okay, that's fine. -Yeah.
But I bet anybody who owns that car has a microscopic --
-Higgins!
-What?! A microscopic monthly payment.
They're wealthy. They're going to pay it off.
You know what I mean?
-Yeah, okay. That's fine, that's fine.
-You know what? You know what? I'm going to get it.
-Cool. -You know why?
Because I have a very tiny penis.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Moving on.
Guys, I heard about a man in China who broke
a world record by spinning his phone on his finger 320 times.
He was like, "Yes!"
and then immediately dropped it in the toilet.
It's like, "Oh, gosh. You gotta be kidding me.
Why would I do it here?"
Guys, finally, "Deadpool & Wolverine"
hit theaters today.
[ Cheers and applause ]
It's good.
We actually had Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman
on the show earlier this week to talk about the movie,
and they were nice enough to break down
their characters for us.
Check this out.
[ Dance music playing ]
-Wolverine. -Deadpool.
-I'm gruff and rugged. -You're old and slow.
-Deadpool's mid. -Come at me, bro.
-I'm the hero. -No, you're not.
-Yes, I -- -Shut up, muttonchops.
-People love me. -Okay, Boomer.
-Ten whole movies. I'm a -- -[ Coughing ] Loser.
-I can heal in record time.
-So can I, bud, get in line.
-I have claws that can retract.
-Wow, you're like a kitty cat.
-Logan. -So what?
-X-Men. -Yawn.
-Well, "Green Lantern" was a bomb.
-Hey. -What?
-Be nice. -You're the worst.
-Deadpool. -Dead weight.
-Oh, that hurts. -Fine, then.
-Go on. -You're the genius.
-Wolverine has a micropenis. -Come on!
-Am I wrong, though? -You're a child.
-My name comes first in the title.
-Red. -Yellow.
-Green. -You are so stupid.
-Just like Wolverine.
-Red. -Yellow.
-Black. -Wrexham is trash.
-Hey, you take that back.
-Wolverine's better, there is no debate.
-Can't we agree that we're both really great?
-You mean it? -I mean it.
-You mean it? -I do.
-Deadpool. -Wolverine.
-Just kidding, [bleep] you.
-[ Gasps ]
-We have a great show.
Give it up for The Roots, ladies and gentlemen!
-♪ Uh-huh ♪
♪ Hey, yo! ♪
♪ Zigga-zigga-zigga, tryin' to get a grip ♪
♪ But slip, lift me up ♪
♪ Since I was a pup, I was designed to erupt ♪
♪ Get to know me, approach me slowly ♪
♪ Caught puzzlin', what up, cousin? ♪
-Oh, man!
What a show we have here tonight.
He's a Grammy-nominated musician and talented actor
who stars in the new movie "The Good Half,"
which is in theaters August 16th.
Nick Jonas is here tonight!
[ Cheers and applause ] My man!
That's my bud.
-Plus, they are two of the world's greatest athletes,
with six Olympic gold medals between them.
Their new podcast, "A Touch More: The Podcast,"
is out August 7th.
Sue Bird and Megan Rapinoe are here tonight!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Legends. Legends.
Plus, she is a Grammy-nominated artist,
whose new album, "Y2K," is out now.
Ice Spice is here tonight!
[ Cheers and applause ]
We are talking to her,
and then she's performing later in the show.
It is a hot show tonight.
Thank you all for being here.
Guys, a couple months ago, I sat down with Willie Geist --
that's my man, Willie Geist -- to talk about our
10th anniversary of "The Tonight Show."
We're just talking.
During the interview,
I mentioned a random idea that I had.
Here, check this out.
Let's look at who we have on the show coming up.
I know Will's coming back.
I have an idea for a bit with him
about maybe two guys that love to wear jorts
for the summer.
-Sure. -Like, "I'm in my jorts.
I'm in my jort shorts." You know, something like that.
I don't know where it goes,
but, again, this came to me in a dream.
♪♪
Well, today, that dream is coming true.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Ladies and gentlemen, Will Ferrell.
Please enjoy "Jorts."
♪♪
-♪ I'm in my jorts ♪
♪ I'm in my jort shorts ♪
♪ I'm in my jorts ♪
♪ Jean shorts, that means jorts ♪
♪ My name's Carl, and I wear jorts ♪
♪ I like all sorts of racket sports ♪
♪ Jorts ♪
♪ I got my jort shorts on the court ♪
-♪ I'm in my jorts ♪
♪ I'm in my jort shorts ♪
♪ I'm in my jorts ♪
♪ Jean shorts, that means jorts ♪
♪ My name's Tony, and I wear jorts ♪
♪ While I'm giving book reports ♪
♪ Jorts ♪
♪ I got my jort shorts and I'm smort ♪
-♪ I prance in my jorts ♪ -♪ Water plants in my jorts ♪
-♪ Take my pants ♪ -♪ Then enhance ♪
-♪ Do a dance in my jorts ♪
-♪ I can sing in my jorts ♪ -♪ I'm the king in my jorts ♪
-♪ By all means ♪ -♪ Take your jeans ♪
-♪ Cut the seams ♪ -♪ Now they're jorts ♪
-♪ I sleep in my jorts ♪ -♪ Count sheep in my jorts ♪
-♪ We're the jean dream team on the scene in our jorts ♪
-Hey, guys.
-Oh, hey, Robert. -Bonjort.
-I was wondering, can I wear jorts, too?
-Of course you can wear jorts.
-You have our full supports.
-But forst...
let's see what ya gorts. -'Kay.
♪ I wear my jorts every day of the week ♪
♪ They start at my hips and they end at my knees ♪
♪ And if you see me, you know that I'm in em' ♪
♪ They're jorts and they're short
and they're totally denim ♪
So, what do you think?
-We just need a second to deliberate.
-Yeah. -Dear God, that was incredible!
-I know, I know. We gotta let them in our crew.
-I mean, we'd be storpid nort to.
-Okay, alright. Be cool, be cool.
-I can tortally hear you guys.
Let's jort.
-♪ We're in our jorts ♪ -♪ Ohhh ♪
♪ We're in our jort shorts ♪ -♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
-♪ We're in our jorts ♪ -♪ Mmm, mmm ♪
-♪ Jean shorts, that means jorts ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-My thanks to Will Ferrell and Nork Jornas.
Stick around.
We're talking to Nick after the break, everybody.
Come on back.