[Music]
so
[Music]
that was a good episode boys yeah i
loved it one of my favorites
patreon.com
if you want us to actually do episodes
hey guys hey guys now that now that
we're not recording because the episode
just ended
how about we say some things that we
would never say on an episode
no i don't want to do that
[Music]
what are your [ __ ] jacks on that path
yeah
jackson just played jack box with me he
knows what that's uh
that's a that's a dangerous situation
you're putting yourself into answering
give me a give me a sneak peek
there's no sneak peeks that are safe
enough for the internet
god does kaya just sling racial slurs
everywhere when he's off the air like
i wish enough to see up to see
what that entailed that would be a good
lord
that would be a nice situation anyway
well you know jackson with the beautiful
part of
living in a you know mostly non-english
speaking countries i can wear all of
those shirts outside
yeah no one would know did you actually
buy any of the shirts that
we made that fateful day
uh no not that day i have a tab open
though
someplace so i i will currently the only
one i own is the ginger lives matter
shirt
all right
um i might buy the one you drew jackson
just to be cute about it
are you still able to spin it it's been
like a month
yeah they give you a permanent link no
fair enough i'll expose you as to
wait wait wait wait wait just actually
uh well no i'm not i didn't say anything
racist that entire game
i sat in silence i wanted everyone to
know i abstained
uh hello everyone welcome to this week's
episode of the
official podcast jackson andrew charlie
and kaia here
we kind of threw you in the deep end
there with um with that
kind of topic introduction i'm sorry to
those of you who are new here uh for
that display
we're not normally like that go watch
the previous 213 episodes to get a
better feel for
what we're like we're very professional
usually
extremely professional that comes with
no guarantees by the way
we've got the script okay formula we
stick to it rigidly
we never deviate we love our topics we
love having topics ready to go
we love do you have one jackson no
charlie yeah charlie i was just reading
this is a current event thing too we
don't have to get into the event but i
read that a guy
died when he tasered his balls is this
like a true confirmed story like when
they stormed the capitol building he
accidentally tasered his balls until he
had a heart attack
sounds like something someone would do
for views
apparently he accidentally tased himself
in the nutsack and that gave him a heart
attack i'm not sure
see that's i also saw that headline
charlie but it doesn't make sense to me
how
how that could possibly happen so i
wonder if
he just had a heart attack and that's
how the narrative is framed online to
make it goofy
there's so many uh articles talking
about it though
um i just don't see how it's [ __ ]
possible
yeah i don't know yourself a heart
attack for the nutsac so far
no one has confirmed that it actually
happened
well though i mean heart attacks
even if you just get regularly tased
there's a small chance isn't there it is
electricity coursing through your body
right but electricity is good for the
human being spirit right
that's going through balls
let alone taste in them oh i saw that i
saw the best uh
uh gift the other day kaya that made me
immediately think of you
it's just this guy laying on the floor
with his [ __ ] hanging out
on a wooden board and a woman is just
jumping up and down on his [ __ ] like a
trampoline
the noises that he makes are so [ __ ]
good
we can't uh i i wonder if we can censor
that and put it on screen right now i
kind of really want to
there's no way you could have what if we
said jumping
all right well what if it's completely
centered like we just blur and play the
audio would that would that be okay
because the audio is just so good
like you could you can tell what's
happening just by the audio you know
that's a man being stomped on
is he like moaning in pleasure is he
like
wow oh i'll let you decide here um so to
this day i still
i'm always confused if those are fake
like the
pain olympics or whatever they're called
where they could be
nails on their balls like yeah the bme
pain olympics was fake
okay all right there are so many videos
of this
[ __ ] online there's like monks out there
someplace training their balls to get
kicked in and i just don't get how
you can get to that level there is
someone who personally abused his balls
but never to that degree this
immediately made me think of you though
kyle
thank you wow
very kind of you yes i don't know how
you could be that accurate
to not [ __ ] god
how you can like uh avoid jumping on the
testicles though because they're right
there and if you land on them
they'd explode surely yeah
probably anyway we've we actually
upon that upon opening that link again
though i don't think we can
show that we might get dmcad
maybe just like completely blur the
right half
and then keep the left half regular so
you can see his legs twitching every
time she lands on his [ __ ]
i don't understand what kind of
enjoyment you get from that
at all the pain but the pain isn't
enjoyable when
what like when it's that severe could
you see his [ __ ] was purple
it looked like it was going to fall off
then it just might god damn it if he's
lucky enough
that's so hot i wonder if i wonder if
their brains just misfiring
and they take pain as pleasure it's got
to be some kind of childhood
um situation that has led them to be so
fixated on one
fetish that you go that deep into it
no i mean it's possible talked about
fetishes before people have no limits
with those things
so actually now that you mentioned that
i see this as entirely possible
it makes sense now so anyway yeah
i i maybe he tasted his balls for fun
and then
had a heart attack so i read it to wrap
it around the guy did die of a heart
attack
but apparently the tasering of his balls
isn't confirmed
see so that's what i'm saying like it
sounds like that was just added
into articles to people making these
[ __ ] up
yeah like paul i was like yeah
let's just come up with a funny death
cause for everyone that died
yeah he was eaten by vultures i saw it
his family said that he had a history
of like getting too excited so when he
went there he
just got too excited and had a heart
attack i guess
i don't know where the taser balls came
from
i don't know if that's cute or pathetic
he's like
he was so excited to finally loot a
government building a loiter around in
sight like a loser he had a heart attack
his whole life holy [ __ ] at this point
he got off the plane
he's like oh my god oh my god uh just
like the photos
just convulses on the floor and then now
everybody sees people talking [ __ ] about
him
saying that he taste his own balls
that's the kind of misinformation i can
get behind them
it's really unlucky it was apparently
started by just someone on twitter
and his family didn't say he didn't
taser his balls though for what it's
worth they just said he got too excited
well they probably believe it too right
because they're just hearing like
there's so many articles out there now
saying that he did taser him in the ball
so
i guess history is written by the
survivors at this point
he did taser himself in the balls
because we have collectively decided
that's true
true celebratory tasing of the balls
i mean once you storm the capital you
know where else is there to go in your
life to feel any sort of jolt
you have to shock yourself in the
nutsack
what a [ __ ] idiot well i was also
kind of sad that he
he wasn't able to accomplish anything
other than having a heart attack
that's rough
such passion for life wasted that was my
favorite part all these men accomplished
was they took a bunch of selfies and now
they're all arrested
that's another part look all the
politics of it aside you're not you
don't want to wear a mask because you
don't think the virus is
real okay that's one level of stupid
committing a federal crime and still not
hiding your face that's a whole another
level of stupid right there
i don't know what they thought was gonna
happen let me just break into this place
with my face fully visible
recognition here is my mug did they not
think they were going to be
uh prosecuted so my guess is it's that
same mentality of school children
like where if we all break the rules and
yeah
go to recess for extra time they can't
eat us all
they can't tell everyone yeah they can't
that's true but what they can do is get
everyone who's
on camera yeah [ __ ] idiots yeah
that's true
or prosecute the ones that like became
memes overnight
like the uh the one who stole the podium
and such
if you're making that much of a ruckus
and like uh
posing for candid photos then
i assume you're going to be caught
eventually didn't he trust
that podium yeah on ebay well
again that's just what the internet has
led me to believe i don't know if
anything is
true yeah what i do know though is that
getty images took a photo of the guy
you know they'd be a getty water market
is one of the funniest god damn things
i've seen on the internet in a long time
for those of you out there who aren't
caught up on what this whole thing is
one of the writers got his photo
photo taken by getty images the the
stock photo company
so that through through the social media
publishing and postings of this photo
eventually a news outlet a big one
put out his photo and said via getty
here's the
photo of one of the rioters and like
hears him doing some rioting [ __ ]
and everyone thought that via getty
meant his name
and they were identifying him so they
were all these posts they were like
i don't know where this via getty is but
he needs to be punished
[Laughter]
it was written kind of shittily though
it was via gedi one of the writers
holding a podium so it really did make
it sound like they were trying to say
his name
it was pretty shittily written yeah but
getty images
is pretty [ __ ] cute to give them
points
normally the attribution is written at
the end so it would be like riot or
holding sign and then at the end it like
say yeah yeah
this is like immediately at the side of
the center it reminds me of
the hacker known as 4chan yeah
similar levels of cluelessness i think
this one's far funnier though
via getty is so good i'm funny sounds
like an
italian mastermind
of the getty family
he was hired to do a job
with a sound like a pixar character that
should just be his persona now
once he gets out you just tour as via
getty with this podium as a prop
or stand up or something i'd follow that
man around
this whole situation has been so [ __ ]
stupid to watch from the outside
but also has brought so many funny
things like the guy with the dishonored
logo someone in chat just
posted about that exact guy had a
distorted logo on his head
and they all thought it was empty for
her like an antifa plant
uh so much [ __ ] stupid [ __ ] i love it
who the [ __ ] gets a dishonored tattoo
yeah i know
basement dwellers that's who
this was a [ __ ] cosplay siege they
were dressed up as superheroes and
everything and i swear to god i feel
like if comic con and such rent canceled
this never would have happened
these people needed an outlet and yeah
they decided to just
as charlie said if we all do it it will
be fun guys
it just broke in there i also love how
the politicians who like
for months and months egged on their own
citizens who kill each other and burn
their own neighborhoods
they finally drew the line at people
breaking into their offices to take
selfies
that's the [ __ ] gigantic crime here
where they finally initialize the cia to
hunt these people down and
arrest them in their own homes we've
taken a selfie with a podium didn't they
go on like uh some people's emails or
something and read like old emails or
some [ __ ] like that
that's another thing so one of them
posted a photo of himself at someone's
desk i think i don't know if it was
nancy pelosi's desk or something and the
email
so the computer was wholly open unlocked
you could read your emails and
everything and meanwhile i'm just
sitting there thinking
congress white dick pics if you're going
to prank these people do it right
right send everyone an [ __ ] yes nancy
pelosi's next
team healed them live captured okay
apparently
they apparently have a security system
email chain system or whatever where you
can send an email to every computer at
once
so do that like emergency alerts big
[ __ ]
what if they had access to like that
doomsday protocol that overrides every
tv and phone with a message
and did the dick pic through that that'd
be [ __ ] nuts
god they'd be my heroes that's another
thing i was reading through articles
people were actually worried that
because they had access to nancy
pelosi's like secretary's desk that
these people would have access to the
nuclear launch codes
jesus christ like they just leave they
should have a post-it card on someone's
desk
are these people
some [ __ ] laughters are able to send
nukes from the
white house i mean the capital it's so
funny
i mean i've always believed like uh
protests like this should be directed at
the um
like the politicians so it is nice just
well not nice
if they have actual good reasons to so
you know so no one
you know everyone keep your censorship
bone in your pants we're not inciting
violence here
but looting and breaking [ __ ]
is bad but if you have to loot and break
[ __ ]
do it to politicians don't do it to each
other don't do it to your mom and pop
shop in your own neighborhood you live
there
for god's sake don't do it to your
fellow man go steal nancy pelosi's
podium
i mean that man if he's had a job in the
last 30 years he probably paid enough
taxes to where he owns that lectern
anyway
yeah that's his luck dan he was just
reclaiming it he went there with no
political agenda
he just went to get him do you think he
would have been
if he was wearing a mask i actually
think he probably would have gotten away
with it
uh yeah i don't know he would have had
better odds
i'll tell you that much apparently well
this could be misinformation again but
i think i read that he didn't even vote
trump
that he actually might have just been
there having fun
i mean i think a lot of those are gonna
probably
for god's sake if not if not for the
sake of the virus just for the sake of
hiding your identity
these are the same kind of people who
will always never stop correctly
pointing out
surveillance dystopias but the second
they run into the
government apparatus itself they're just
bright smiling
grins you know take a photo bro yeah
take photo with me bro
they were taking selfies with the
security that's
that's how you get caught not just that
the worst thing i saw was people
actually like
leaving leaving the capitol building or
whatever they call it and having
interviews with like camera people and
giving their addresses and stuff
yeah you're making it as easy as
possible you're giving them
your address that's so [ __ ] dumb
i mean it's not surprising that most of
these people were [ __ ] idiots but
whatever jackson if we wanted to listen
to those interviews
maybe hear their addresses in quality hd
audio do you have a device
recommendation that could do that
uh yeah uh how does raycon sound andrew
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good earphones the first time i i used
true wireless
headphones it was like magic i i felt
like i was a caveman who just got
catapulted into the future
i i just didn't get it move your arms
around you you can move your head around
you can move your arm yeah
such an inconvenience why have we not
progressed past the need for wise do you
remember do you remember back when like
the standard was wired
and it was like anything wireless was
cheap janky [ __ ]
like i i remember around the era of
building my first computer
and like looking at wireless mice and
keyboards and being like that [ __ ]
[ __ ] blows the signal always cuts out
and they lag and those are
[ __ ] trash but now it's kind of like
seamless like there's wireless mics i'm
using one right now that's like exactly
the same as a regular mouse
we've come so far
to have the same yeah about [ __ ] like
you know i want good internet i'm gonna
have to use the ethernet cable
no turns out that these days you don't
really have to anymore the wi-fi is good
enough
yeah but [ __ ] i mean the cable
management that you have to do with you
if you have a pc now
mind-boggling yeah
there so there was a stupid urban myth
that tesla invented
wireless electricity and he got killed
for it or something
i wish that was true i wish i just want
to know that it's at least possible but
it's a government cover-up
because then he takes himself from the
balls
yeah after storming capitol hill
giving out as a person's office
um is this a stale topic you guys can
tell me if you don't want to talk about
it anymore but
this past week all the 13 year olds on
the internet learned a new term and boy
do they
love using it and it's um power dynamic
don't you guys catch this the old carson
situation
[Music]
yeah wanna give us a rundown one of you
it's just disappointing i it's
it's exhausting at this point charlie do
you want to run down run it down
i ran down the last one you can run this
one down if you want
so basically carson
youtuber so basically a week ago
carson call me carson popular youtuber
uh guests of the podcast as well he's
been here
uh it was revealed through a couple of
his friends that he had been
engaging uh sexually
with i yeah well i guess you would call
them fans
uh two fans i believe um
and usually i don't think that would
have made much of an impact on the
internet
um i think it would have been it would
have blown over
extremely quickly but in this particular
case
both of them were 17 and
and and that is why it was framed as
like a
a case of pedophilia and grooming
so so important to note as far as we
know he was 19.
so that's the info which is [ __ ]
ridiculous
jesus christ that's [ __ ] [ __ ]
we're going this feels like back in 2016
it's like
nothing but reruns back in 2016 keemstar
and a bunch of other youtubers who just
call each other pedophiles for
i don't know looking at a 17 year old
girl's ass or something like she'd be 17
years and 364 days old
but you know if you if you complimented
her tweet or something you're a
pedophile now
i feel like back in 2016 i don't know i
don't know what the drama situation was
like in 2016 and i didn't really pay
attention to it but i feel like that
would have been completely
again like overlooked i feel like this
kind of stuff has only happened
in the like last two years like where
people are actually calling that kind of
age difference
pedophilia one of the worst things you
could call
anyone a pedophile like that has
lifelong consequences
and you're calling a two-year age gap
pedophilia
you are you are acting you are acting
way more unethically
and malicious than he ever did from the
messages i saw
you're ruining a man's life for a
two-year age gap
jesus christ and it's these little 13
year old psychopaths
replying to everything on his twitter
just calling him these names and telling
him to kill himself and egging on his
friends to dump him all of whom did
those [ __ ] by the way
amazing the most snakish behavior i have
seen in a while why
like they came out they went on uh
what's keemstar's show called
drama alert they went on drama alert
which if you're going on drama alert you
obviously are
going to be framing it a certain way and
you act as if you're doing this in the
best interest
of like uh both carson
and air like airing his dirty laundry or
whatever
and then you frame it as like a
pedophilia
situation i i believe they left the ages
out of that original drama alert as well
yeah that makes sense i don't know man i
subscribe to nulls
notion of when to call someone a
pedophile is don't ever call someone a
pedophile unless you can shoot them
and feel uh and sleep at night
like who are you socrates who was that
null is it joshua moon who's that i
think it's a good standard don't ever
call someone that word
why are you saying no like we should
take care of it who's null
that sounds like i'm q another [ __ ] who
the [ __ ] is no yeah
jesus the owner of kiwi farms oh
anyway i mean i agree i mean
but also i think these people agree
these people are that delusional that i
feel like they would shoot
uh what's his name call me carson over
this and still feel
morally superior or morally in the right
for doing so
yeah these [ __ ] losers would and then
once people started pointing out that
look two
years is not a [ __ ] age difference
these kids yeah they could have been in
the same class they're [ __ ] idiots
they're dumb but guess what's our 19
year old boys and then all of a sudden
they shift it to the
okay well maybe it's not pedophile but
the power dynamic
it's still right because of the power
dynamic the power dynamic what what
[ __ ] power are you talking about to
go on the internet and make frivolous
videos
she can do that but to go on his twitter
and
shitpost she can do that what power does
he have over her
he's a youtuber what are you talking
about the power dynamic is [ __ ] like
you know he's a team youtuber he's not
someone running like a
he's not the amazon of youtube or
anything he doesn't have any
substantial power dynamic is he supposed
to be reserved for [ __ ] like you're
between your boss and you it's like when
harvey weinstein says
to one of his actresses hey if you don't
suck my dick i'll make sure you never
work in this town again
that's a power dynamic not between some
[ __ ] special ed
youtuber and his groupie what the [ __ ]
are you talking about leave these people
alone
what is the implication here then that
youtubers are only able to date other
youtubers
the idea that that a lot of people on
twitter believe is
he abused his power because she liked
his videos
so he took advantage of the fact that
she was a fan
that's just that's an attraction do you
know what a group he is oh my god
rock stars have been doing this since
the dawn of time
this is nothing new oh i'm your friend
now i don't even need to flirt with you
it's not even that there's a difference
between
abusing that relationship and just it
being
part of the the friendship like there's
a difference between hey if you
suck my dick i'll put your name in a
video or hey if you
that's the abuse of a power dynamic or
what the [ __ ] ever but just having
dating someone who likes your stuff
that's
i mean my girlfriend liked my videos
before we got together
andrew i've said this before you can
only date people who are within a few
minutes of your age a few dollars of
your savings and a few followers of your
social media okay
you can't i mean and let me ask you this
andrew does your girlfriend have a
successful podcast
my god she doesn't oh what do i do
[ __ ] uh go check out her podcast not
hastily thrown together totally been
there for years um
it's called it's called i am of legal
age cast
um oh boy
it's like that's serious dynamic
go ahead hey she's a fan or she's
impressed by your status and money
yeah it's called dating that's like an
attraction
you can have that in any relationship
yeah let's say a rich and famous doctor
goes into a bar to pick up chicks should
he lie to them and not tell them that
he's a rich and famous doctor because
then they're gonna be impressed by
status but that's rape right you can't
use your money instead you can't throw
it around
to get laid i mean what if she's not a
rich and famous lawyer or something what
if she's just a cashier
there's a power imbalance here right one
makes a hell of a lot more money has
more status in society
so if he tells her the truth it's rape
should he lie
should he say he's a janitor is that
okay none of
and he's being dishonest so the big the
actual problem
that i think is the problem is the fact
that he just kept nudes from a 17 year
old
that's the actual did he keep them yeah
stupid
yeah i mean it's literally child porn
well it is stupid but also he could
legally have sex with her yeah
there is no kind of reasoning behind
that law existing in
that kind of capacity like if you're
going to seriously throw a 19 year old
behind bars on child pornography charges
because he sexted his 17 year old
girlfriend but it wasn't his girlfriend
it was like in the eyes of the lord
that would just be like a random 17 year
old
and the other one too i guess that he
was still listening nudes from
that is a problem yeah but you still
have to look at these things ethically
you have to we all get to understand the
spirit behind it
there there's all these you know romeo
and juliet laws and such and i get
that's
really really difficult to legislate
properly and have it make sense in every
instance and you know the morality of it
is different than
on a case-by-case basis but this guy is
just a [ __ ] autistic youtuber who
just
he was attracted to a 17 year old fan
who gives a [ __ ] he's not pornhub
farming nudes from children and then
monetizing them and they're shaming them
on the internet
i mean it wasn't even about the age to
him likely it was just
availability like it was just someone
similar
in age like there's no difference
between a 17 year old and a 19 year old
physically
or even emotionally mentally there's no
kind of difference there really so
i don't understand how you can make
pedophilia claims
it's the other funny one the age of
consent in a lot of states is sixteen
sixteen or seventeen yeah yeah yeah like
jackson said they can
she could legally [ __ ] whoever she wants
the day she turned sixteen she could
marry
for god's sake but no ca
you know she you know sending each other
nudes two teenagers exchanging nudes
that's the end of the planet here that's
i don't understand why we have to
look at all of this as legal like in
legal terms though why can't we look at
it
as like an actual ethical discussion
like jaywalking is illegal but you don't
insult people for just you've never
jaywalked have you jackson
or marijuana was illegal for like what
the [ __ ]
yes but everyone's smoking are you
kidding me jackson you cross the street
illegally and smoke marijuana
i should lock you the [ __ ] up you
goddamn sociopath
this is it's not even a moral gray zone
though even if you just want to look at
this i think it's such a
monumental nothing burger it's so
mundane
17 year old sent nudes to 19 year olds
oh god someone called unicef nato
the united nations they must be warned
of carson's evils he's a super villain
get the [ __ ] out of here calling them a
pedophile and all these purists
these all the friends who dumped him all
the 13 year old pieces of [ __ ] in his
comments all of these guys these hyper
puritan super chats who'd apparently
never do this
aren't they the ones who always get
exposed as the actual rapists
you're the kind of [ __ ] people you
have that sparkly of a reputation
you're usually the kind of guy who turns
out to have gotten 15 year old boys
drunk
at a [ __ ] smash tournament and i [ __ ]
them in the ass
and you're getting mad at this kid
because
yeah that would be [ __ ] insane but
he's not wrong
the people that often like come out and
make these
massive uh you know claims and such
are often trying to do it to like move
the spotlight away from them
and act as uh well look i'm a whole lot
holier than they actually are
it's not smart a smart thing for them to
do either to make themselves out to be
sparkly clean sinless saints
because sooner or later somebody will
leak some cringe message you sent to a
girl
and then you're gonna look like the
biggest hypocrites rather than just
being honest and being like yeah dude
you know
we all do dumb shits yeah what don't men
do to get [ __ ] look at us kind of you
know every once in a while we cringe
what
that's another thing too people making
fun of the messages i always hate it
when people leak messages just
for an act of vengeance like what none
of you have ever said something cringe
when
flirting i know i have and i'll honestly
say that you you
are you really telling me that if i went
through your private messages i could
find
nothing embarrassing you've never made a
fool out of yourself trying to flirt up
a girl
get out of here every every single
person who has ever sexed those messages
out of context or even in context are
going to look so [ __ ]
so [ __ ] bad even they look they look
cringe even in context even
with a girl that i'm in a relationship
with at the moment when i scroll up i'm
like i said that yesterday [ __ ]
yeah once your nutsack is empty and
you're able to look it up with a clearer
post clarity is a real phenomenon and i
highly encourage it
yeah remember kids anytime you're going
on a date
just rub one out real quick and then see
if you really still want to go on that
date because that means it's true love
speaking of truth true love yeah you
shouldn't worry
about it one of the easiest ways to do
it is to get in super good shape
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promoting fitness
go on there carson no
get a fit bod no seriously though carson
is an idiot for keeping the photos but
he's an even bigger idiot for apparently
curating an audience of these douchebags
psychopaths
and a social circle of douchebag
psychopaths
i i read one of the messages from
like one of his friends made a statement
pretty much immediately after it all
went like uh
like it all went down first of all they
had been holding on to this information
for like a year or so
so they already knew about this they
they could plan for a year about what
they were going to do and they still
managed to [ __ ] it up in one of the most
insane malicious ways possible but
anyway one of them posted
like a twitter document saying what a
statement
and he had basically said that he had
immediately like
a year ago uh alerted the fbi
of the situation like his own friend
[ __ ] put it in this wall
in a tip because it apparently affected
him this much
over two-year relationship you went to
the fbi you [ __ ] degenerate
which is weird because he continued to
stay on the lunch club didn't he
or did he immediately quit the lunch
that's weird so he called that in but
decided to keep making money off of
the carson the face of the lunch club
it's kind of odd because he didn't care
that
the face of pure evil how come yeah how
surprising these people
they're just so dedicated to protecting
their own interests online
it's technically illegal but it's such a
petty
nothing of a law it's like calling the
fbi because you caught your
uh friend smoking weed yeah no one's
actually getting hurt here
i haven't read the messages i i'm
assuming you guys have but
the biggest thing i saw was manipulation
and [ __ ] like that
did he like ever say things like i'll
let you on the lunch club if you send me
nudes or anything
absolutely not no nothing even close to
that it was basically just too
too teeny and remember she took the
pictures that she posted
she took out context entirely pretty
much so she was just
posting the uh the choice cuts the ones
that incriminated him the most
and they were still extremely tame they
just look like two
emotional dumb teenagers flirting like
every other single [ __ ] time
a teenager's flirt charlie it was
i can't control my horny levels tears
off
we're not talking about some pedophile
hannibal lecter here intelligently
willing his way into will graham's life
no it's just
he said i can't say i'm thinking about
you when i jerk off that was one of the
lies
that's true again because you know
none of us have ever said anything like
that to a girl right
yeah well i i i can confidently say i've
never said that that's that's pretty oh
you're so cool
show us your messages i think that's
what we should do next time for
show-and-tell
dig up our old like flirt messages from
back in the day
i still have someone to say those things
i never want to say i deleted the [ __ ]
i kind of like that idea oh you insecure
[ __ ] i still have i mean
history is bound to repeat that i don't
have like
i can't i promise if i can find good
stuff though but i'll try
where do you have these saved have you
just never deleted text messages for
decades
well like a lot of engineers yeah
like i know distinctly that i have
somewhere in back in turkey under my bed
someplace i have an old laptop where i
had msn installed
and boy if i could find that nothing
will make you cringe like it
i'll get hot that would be uh kaya
absolutely get that i'll try and dig up
more of my old facebook flirts from like
high school and college
and yeah are we talking floods so just
like sexting what are you talking
uh either flirting i don't think i don't
think i was ever successful with sexting
so
i'd have to check the records
you've never gone all the way you've
never sexed it i know you haven't sent
nudes right
no i've never taken a nude
it's not too late no i never will i did
one time one dick pic with my ex
it was the grossest looking thing i've
ever seen myself in so i've never done
it since
i have taken pictures of my life for
some reason they'll ask her a nude and
yoda you you will reassure them like
listen i've been a man my whole life
trust me there is no way to make this
look
pleasing you will not like what you see
would you like the rest of you in the
photo not just your penis yeah would you
take a nude if it was under duress
like let's say [ __ ] natalie portman
like messages you and she goes charlie i
god do i want sex but i need to make
sure baby
no but she's like the cartels have my
family kidnapped and they need to see
your penis
what do you care about
at that point it's just true in my
example jacks
okay they kidnap your loved one all
right so they is that your premise
charlie imagine imagine your family's
kidnapped and they're being held by the
mexican cartel
and the leader is like look man we'll
let them go but we need to see that dick
first
would you do it i'd probably just i'd
try and like test it first to see how
astute they are i'd probably just find a
picture of a penis and say it's mine
first
and see how that goes they need full
body nude shot oh
is el chapo gay now what is happening
penises for the eventual war
i don't know i have to really i guess i
i don't know i don't i don't know
it's just to save a life you wouldn't do
it
yeah but if it was my family i'd
absolutely do it
well yeah family for sure but
it'd have to be like you know are you
really going to do it like
take a little bit of flesh
a photo of her with an up-to-date
newspaper
i need to know she's still alive i need
to know she'll see my dick
let me talk to her i'm showing dick for
you
let's go get you out of there
that would suck yeah it might be a rough
but i mean if you're just going to be
staying in the cartel's private
collection i don't even care that much
but yeah
imagine el chapo tries to cancel someone
for sexting and
that was his grand master plan with all
of his crimes the final out was getting
someone to take the blame by canceling
them
i only did it because because i saw
their dick their power dynamic over me
i mean i'd do it i i really don't to
save a life
that's more than my dick's ever done sir
it's really not that big of a deal i
think it's just a penis we we all have
them or at least half of us do
and they all pretty much look the same i
just worry about it being like flaccid
like if dick pick everything is are you
that is
oh yeah you sound like super insecure if
you paint this wait wait
wait is the worst kind of picture to
leak though that's the
absolute word who gives
so what everyone's got a flaccid wiener
i don't think they're focusing on the
wrong thing why would you be flaccid
you're
you're in the oh yeah
leaking but it's also flaccid well wait
why would you ever take a picture of
your flaccid penis in the first place
well just in case like you know like
maybe
a rogue photographer and a tree out
there catches me getting out of the
shower
yeah yeah i guess
i i don't i don't get it are you like
assuming people won't know that it's
fasted they'll be like look at this
really really
tiny totally erect
[Laughter]
yeah people always give people the
benefit of the doubts no i'm i'm all
with charlie here they're going to [ __ ]
talk him
yeah post your erect penis immediately
after saying no this
you go is that was a bad photo here let
me fix that and then go to like a
modeling studio
get high resolution 4k photos in perfect
lighting of your immaculate
talks about this in the past the best
way that anyone has ever dealt with
anything like
that like their nudes leaking or
whatever is jeff bezos where he just
basically said [ __ ] it do it yeah but
yeah
big balls she's also filthy rich
no it doesn't matter whenever
controversy like this ever hits
the very best thing to do every time is
just admit to it and get in
in front of it that's it it's the best
way to handle all of these situations
exactly that's the dumbest [ __ ]
in every situation no usually the best
course of action is denied and i deny
carson should have denied everything not
admitted to it like
wait what if he came and said yeah i'd
do it again i'll do it again
yeah that's me and i'll do it again if
it wasn't for your meddling children
here's more pictures of when i sexed her
um
[Laughter]
actually i think i i would have been
pretty impressed if he did do that
i would have i would have respected that
maybe the internet wouldn't i mean me
too
but at the end of the day just
apologizing and shriveling up doesn't
help
apologize no apologizing is the absolute
worst thing you can do
no the best thing to do is just admit
you did it and be like yep i made a
mistake i did that
okay that's it bezos even said that
i don't think he even said i made him it
depends on what you do do it [ __ ]
no it depends on what you did like if
your nudes get leaked you should
literally just be like yep that's my
dick
the end cool look at it if you want
sounds great because what's going to
come from it who gives a [ __ ] yeah it'll
be news for like a day
oh boy they can't take all his wealth
from it or anything
it doesn't change anything if you do
something illegal or heinous that's
different
but if if something comes out and it's
like ha ha look at his dick or
look at this embarrassing photo who who
gives this [ __ ] wow people will laugh at
it for a day and then completely forget
it happened
it remembers as much power as you give
it really remember the mark zuckerberg
photos of him on the jet ski it's like
yeah we laughed at it for a week and now
no one talks about it at all anymore
yeah but it's awesome yeah it's not like
you didn't own anything
how many celebrities have dick pics
leaked where we don't even talk about it
anymore tons
but also why are you taking the world's
most powerful men as examples they could
do anything and it wouldn't matter he
could take his deck out in a press
conference though so they
have companies that are more powerful
than most nation states
so then it matters even less for you
because no one gives a [ __ ] about you
yeah a grid so it should matter even
less
if my nudes if i ever had nudes and they
were like that i would be like andrew
remember that was the taint of a girl i
was dating remember
oh holy [ __ ] yeah i don't have a vagina
jackson
i was the one that started that rumor
for only podcast veterans are gonna
remember that
when we used to believe it because it
was the hairiest thing i've ever seen i
actually had a lot of hair
when uh when the podcast was still in
its infancy we were using
skype and yeah one time out of nowhere
a picture of what i thought was his hair
routine
he only kept it there for a second but i
remembered it
it was it was so unfair so we were using
skype
and i was at the same time on okcupid
and i had some girls i was talking to
over skype because discord wasn't
exactly like as big
a thing exactly and this one girl over
skype we were talking and
we were dating a couple times getting
flirty and she decided to send
me nudes well skype had this feature at
the time where for some [ __ ] reason
when you went to send a photo rather
than it pulling from your phone's photos
it would pull from photos you were sent
over skype
so i was tapping on my phone trying to
send the podcast group
some photo i don't even remember i think
it was for a screenshot for an ad or
something
and it was like oh here's recent photos
you were sent why don't you send them
this
and so her [ __ ] nudes were all in
there
and it just sent a photo over [ __ ]
taint which was hairy
and i was like okay so i deleted it
immediately after
but apparently because skype is a great
program
they save every photo you've sent to
everyone in a local photo
photo folder on your desktop so kaya
immediately with his [ __ ] hacker
skills found no
don't give kai the credit i was the one
that found it it was on just local files
in like a hidden folder i found that
i wanted to share it with the group
[Laughter]
but uh i i don't think everybody knows
what was the invisible vagina but who
knows maybe they were
i really don't remember a vagina being
in there see that's
that's the problem i had too so when i
initially was recalling it
i was like that was definitely your
[ __ ] taint andrew it was because it
was a weird picture like
the angle was weird it was like on a
seat and like a leg was lifted in the
air like you couldn't even see
butthole it was just like straight paint
under a microscope yeah and i was like
this is definitely
contained yeah yeah they were
they were not flattering nudes at all
but trust me they were mine
it looked like a sweaty bullseye to me
they would still be there i would not
have deleted it i would have been like
oops yep there you go
there you go gentlemen but no it was it
was uh
obviously an overly hairy woman that i
was dating at the time
why why would you say that though why
why would anyone say that the
conversation got steamy enough that she
was like hey you want to check this out
and i was like sure
so [ __ ] it look
look all i know is that we were both
consulting adults and she was like you
want some nudes and i was like sure and
i did not expect it to be that hairy
so that was i got a surprise too but the
thing was like if it really wasn't your
taint
andrew she had like the worst angle
possible because it was on like that
three centimeter bridge between
vaginal closing and [ __ ] and that's
all you could see
was that like a tiny stretch of hair was
she trying to get rid of
you it worked because i don't think i
talked to her again
maybe you should uh reach back out to
her see if yeah how's your tape
doing my friends were talking about your
taint again
got a wax job yet has your taint
improved since we last spoke
speaking of improving why not improve
the quality of your meals andrew oh
thank god hello fresh
i've been looking at this on my own time
so often
coven makes things miserable leaving the
house is a horrible idea
but i as i've mentioned on the podcast
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i like cooking it's fun food tastes good
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i actually had a meal cooked by one of
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it was hello fresh what more do i got to
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the the instructions are clear precise
anyone
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i am highly endorsing that shepherd's
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it by the time you sign up which will be
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thanks for keeping me fed yeah anyway
i'm so glad we don't use skype anymore
do you guys remember the [ __ ] skype
days of this podcast
where for some reason we didn't use
discord and our audio quality sounded
like [ __ ] and there was lag and constant
disconnects
it was the [ __ ] worst i can't believe
skype
for a while there andrew you were the
only one on discord and you were trying
to convert us
and we just didn't believe yeah
all of you [ __ ] guys are like discord
sucks it's the worst i hate it it
doesn't make any sense i can't set it up
it's such a league of difference in
quality this is afraid of change
god i love discourage they've come a
long way since then that's for sure
they dropped the cringe gamer marketing
that was a milestone
and skype has literally never improved
they still sound like they're connecting
you to a phone call from 1998.
yeah it just sounds like ass the ui
looks like ass they load it with ads now
like i i'm actually [ __ ] happy that
zoom has taken off because i hope that
as the like mainstream regular ass
person video calling thing it just
completely destroys skype
because skype is so [ __ ] awful it is
truly abominable
i think it's just microsoft not giving a
[ __ ] anymore that it's going to go the
way of msn messenger
hopefully take it down
i don't think microsoft sees like a
casual audience for skype it's more
businesses but
even businesses i imagine are just going
to give up on skype so yeah they're
switching to zoom
everyone's switching to zoom
i mean everyone's on zoom zoom's the
[ __ ] hot thing right now
or one of them china wins again is zoom
owned by china
oh yeah and it's uh it's spyware too
uh they had one of their spies spy on
chinese dissidents and reports
their dogs to the chinese government via
zoom
wow i didn't know that efficient fun
yes zoom so efficient it's great yeah
why does a disco do anything like that
yeah discord doesn't spy on anything oh
yeah they absolutely do yeah
from the concentration camps
all right give us one last topic here
andrew
god i had one and i forgot i had it at
the beginning and i've lost it
um jackson then
yeah i'll try to think of it
what um [ __ ] there was something else
that happened this week
oh my god uh another
plane went missing completely
vindicating me and charlie yet
again and again again and again when
another plane went missing
yeah um says boeing plane goes missing
in indonesia with
62 on board what the [ __ ]
when did this happen i didn't hear a
single thing about that
um oh it crashed oh yeah passengers
in the java seat in indonesia surprised
lost more than 10 000 feet of altitude
in less than a minute about four minutes
of the departure
cool oh yeah i hate planes still
yep same [ __ ] them i hate planes don't
want to be on them
another example as to why i like planes
there has been like two plane crashes
every year for the last five years now
cool there's been tens of thousands of
flights every year for the past year now
yeah the amount of plane crashes you
only remember the name charlie you are
more likely to die in a car accident
than a plane actually
do this every single day i know we do
and literally
14 hours on trips like increasing his
likelihood of death
tenfold rather than flying he's a life
isn't he proof is in the pudding
where is all them indonesian passengers
where are they [ __ ] can't argue with
that
not taking the car we need a new topic
though i know i'm struggling for one but
we can't keep talking about plain [ __ ]
we did it for like seven
episodes
why did we even start obsessing over
playing [ __ ] it's such an obscure thing
okay i got a good one does anyone else
[ __ ] hate boats
i think we did that too god damn it i
hate boats
they feel like the most like inefficient
and obnoxious form of transportation
they're constantly rocking and you can't
like keep perfect control of them
and it's like they're so inconvenient
you can only bring them certain places
relative to land
and just yeah out of all the types of
travel seafaring just does not appeal to
me i don't dig it i agree
i agree with that yeah they're just
inconvenient it's like
they're bulky and they just i mean like
think about partners that's another
technology that hasn't really
um innovated in a long while right like
we've
kind of like we got giant cruise liners
but
now they're in the innovation it's just
adding rides on top of them or different
rides there's no real
speed increases i guess there's probably
efficiency
improvements behind the scenes like to
uh make fuel guzzling less of a thing
but still
i mean there's a lot of like good things
that come from boats like shipping
things over water sometimes is
super convenient and obviously there's
water industries like fishing and this
and that
but i just i don't know i think out of
any lifestyle i could choose a seafaring
man
is the exact opposite of what i'd want i
i don't dig the ocean or being on a boat
or
any of that everything about it is just
yeah i completely agree with that
wait you all hate the ocean why yeah
there's there's nothing to do
yeah there's so much to do you can fish
you can go to scuba diving you can fish
off a pier
and you can go scuba diving and come
back he goes scuba diving wait what i'm
not advocating for living in the ocean
but you're saying these things like you
have to be like a seafaring man or live
on the sea to do them no you can go out
and do them and come back
when did i ever say that no they're
they're saying they hate the ocean in
general
right
as long as it's away from me i don't i
have no animosity towards the ocean or
its inhabitants
i don't know that's kind of press
release
[Laughter]
i know i have shark friends and i'd
never say anything racist
a [ __ ] notion statement for when they
occupy
rise up against it
i think being out in the ocean though is
like your primary like
means of surviving is the worst i think
that would [ __ ] suck
i agree i would i would rather who does
that though
i would absolutely much rather be a
farmer living completely away from
everyone on the land having to raise my
own food than a [ __ ]
fisher who goes out to sea every day to
get his fish yeah
[ __ ] that even worse is the guy who
operates those big freight ships
like that has to say yeah
yeah [ __ ] no but jackson so have you
ever been to the beach at night
uh yeah plenty of times so you know how
the water will look
literally black like just a void you
can't see anything
my biggest fear is just me being dropped
there in the middle of that at night
oh yeah god yeah that's that's the thing
that a lot of people don't think about
man the ocean is
[ __ ] dark so it's like you mean you
you mean your fear is drowning
everyone's afraid of that like
you're you're gonna drown you're dropped
in the middle of the ocean
you can be dropping into the ocean that
has nothing to do with that
no there's a difference jackson because
think about creepiness of me not knowing
what's in there it's
just like you dropped me in space or
something i know that that's the same
if i'm close during day you don't know
what's underneath you as well the ocean
no but jackson it's
it's the fear of the unknown imagine
you're drowning in a pool but i'm saying
you can do that a day as well
night has nothing to do with that it's
scary or it's not experienced
because it would be scary yeah it's just
kind of scary
like but that's that's the thing a lot
of people don't consider the ocean's
dark as [ __ ] so it's like if you're out
on a boat doing your fishing stuff and
it's like ah
what a great haul for today time to go
to bed and it's like two in the morning
you better [ __ ] hope that nothing
happens to your boat otherwise you are
absolutely [ __ ] like that's it your
life is over
well if you don't get a hole or your
electricity doesn't cut out
good luck make a new boat yeah just
build a new boat out of the
old boat make the ship of theseus out
there it's perfect wasn't there
that's why you always bring a flirty
with you or like a
little waterway whatever yeah
that's a real nightmare i i think there
was a i don't know what size the ship
was but it capsized and sank
and then scuba divers rescue mission
no it isn't that a movie i don't know
anyway i don't know if that was true
divers
went down and they found in an air
bubble a man had survived for several
days yeah i saw the darkness
underwater cool that is terrifying i
tried to kill myself
at that point what are you gonna do like
you have no light you have no nothing
it doesn't behave what drown
just leave god and that doesn't make it
better because drowning is apparently
one of the slowest and painfulest ways
you can die
it's your lungs filling up with water
yeah so that's [ __ ] great
i remember when people were saying it's
the most peaceful way of dying i don't
know who started that rumor
nah i watched i watched a [ __ ]
special a long while ago on like
it was like what happens when you die in
various ways and they discovered dr
they talked about drowning and
apparently one of the things they don't
talk about is if you drown in the ocean
as your body sinks because of the
pressure your eardrums will also rupture
it's just not great a lot of if you
drown what does interruption mean
what is rupture where they literally
explode from the pressure
oh wow so so like basically if you drown
in the ocean where it can get deep
a lot of horrible [ __ ] happens to your
body because of the water pressure
it's not great i mean you don't even
have to drown right
what's that thing the bends or something
the best ah that's another one yeah
where you get turned upside down or
whatever and the difference in pressure
like makes you internally explode
or something yeah [ __ ] it [ __ ] up the
dilation of your blood
or the oxygen levels and it's something
about your blood and basically if you
surface from the ocean
too quick you can just you can just
absolutely destroy your insides
yeah apparently like your insides just
explode
wasn't that why uh what happens
you [ __ ] die or your organs can
rupture or your blood gets all [ __ ] up
it's why
if you um if you're decompressing
correctly you have to sit in like a
compression chamber for hours
you have to you have to do it slowly you
have to really acclimate your body
it's why when they bring up you know you
guys know those very deep sea fish
and they scoop them up and try to bring
them to the surface that's why they melt
like they are literally
you're exploding their insulin that's
literally what you're doing a lot of
people think the blob fish is like this
big
ugly disgusting dimorphic creature but
it's actually just
experiencing the bends if you look at it
in its natural habitat it looks like a
normal fish
so it's going through this excruciating
picture for our amuse people insulting
it
you might be sort of a [ __ ]
point and laugh at it because it's
deformed and dead
it's like the ball taste guy
i've never heard of the bins before
that's very interesting
we convinced charlie to never go scuba
diving now well it's not like that was
on my list of things to do anyway it
should sound terrible i mean
you have to dive pretty pretty [ __ ]
far for it to happen i'm pretty sure
[Laughter]
is [ __ ] up yeah yeah it looks like a
normal
it looks like a normal fish but then the
other one is it's like turned inside
out like it's exploded internally yep
oh look at that poor fish science is
cruel
i'm gonna i'm gonna hope danny for the
video version of this podcast puts a
picture of the blob fish before and
after on screen
and if you're at home listening on audio
please google the difference in blob
fish because
good lord is it cruel what we did to
this animal for our amusement
park that was like some pus leaking out
of its mouth too
just the
no that can't be [ __ ] right i've seen
the blob fish documentaries where
like in the water it looks like that too
are you sure yeah
are you adding i don't know for sure i'm
just going by what andrew said
we got photos of it yeah
if you can prove him wrong right now
charlie i'm gonna swap sides
i'll be on youtube if you want to fact
check him out my mind is open to be
checked
oh wait bony eared ass fish is that what
it's called someone just posted it in
chat
no i think that's a different fish
why why did they call it this though the
other fish bony eared ass fish
what do we have against fish that's what
i've always wanted it seems like
humanity in general just insults fish or
like
they treat fish so poorly even though
they're still animals like they're
conscious animals
we don't give fish any respect at all
have you been in the ocean
i love that too don't you love how
vegetarians will still eat fish it's
like oh that's fine they're not good
[ __ ] them why just because they're from
the ocean maybe kai was right maybe we
do have
like in natural uh hatred for the ocean
because they're gross
that's what it is
did you find proof charlie no apparently
and sh
like so i don't even know if this is
true but apparently in
shallow water they also look like that
it's only when they're like
deep deep deep that they look normal
yeah they have no bones or skeletons so
they keep together with the intense
pressure
yeah all right fish
yeah that's your zoology lesson for the
day and
uh that's the end of this podcast thank
you for joining us for another week of
podcasting i hope you
took something away from this episode a
lesson
anything anything positive if you did
maybe consider heading on over to
patreon.com the official podcast where
you can
find uh bonus episodes i believe we're
up to
bonus episode 70 at the moment so you
got 70 bonus episodes worth of content
there
as well as some other things strewn
about the place that you can go have a
look
and you also get early access to
episodes so that's what you can find
over there
um patreon.com the official podcast
thank you and we'll see you next episode
bye