all right jake
jake where'd you grow up where are you
from originally
i'm from a suburb of chicago um
northwest suburbs um i'm from a town
called wakanda
tell me about your family growing up you
had mom and dad
yeah i had a mom and dad growing up um
i thought everything was normal that was
kind of going on um
i realized when i was like 13 15 that
everything i had been experiencing when
i was young was anything but normal um
i grew up my dad was an angry guy he was
pretty secretive he um
he actually um
had a fake llc um for insurance sales
but um
our house was custom made and uh the
crawl space was actually converted into
grow rooms and this was the 90s is for
weed so um weed was still pretty illegal
and
so that's
kind of what he did under the table for
work i didn't find that out till i was
about 15 or so and um
my dad was also a pedophile growing up
he um he's a sadist he's you know um
he likes children and um
you know i saw i saw
the the bad end of that um he was
convicted
no not that i know of my my dad's not
convicted my dad got away he's um
he's still out there i i confronted him
about all this um
about a few years ago and
he um he admitted to it all over camera
actually he leaned in the camera he he
kind of didn't confirm nor deny it first
and i know a little bit about how these
people work so i had my phone rolling
and i kept on pushing my accusations at
him calling him a pedophile and
eventually he leaned the camera and he
said and so what get over it he said i
did and he doesn't care
and um
that's that i gave it to the authorities
and they launched an investigation but
i guess the authorities uh we know how
that goes you know
so
so your childhood
went
in what direction
um my childhood was um you know it was
good and it was good and bad um i hear
of some people's childhoods they didn't
have food on the table um
you know constant beatings and neglect
that wasn't really my childhood my
mother was around somewhat um my dad was
around someone in the in the day in the
light you know what people saw i was a
well taken care of kid um and i'm
thankful for that i i never went hungry
um
you know i wasn't beat for no reason but
in the dark um
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my dad was getting a hold of me and
doing some really really
just pure evil i i don't have any words
for it other than this was pure evil
this was this was even past
pedophilia and having sex with a child
this was this was sexual child torture
um
dilating me making fun of me um
having sex with me my dad had a friend
too who um
they would take me off to i think hotel
rooms or maybe it was the guy's house
and
just stripped me down
beat me humiliate me pinch me and
penetrate me
and um
and yeah
my mom eventually
obviously my mom eventually found out
i'd repressed a lot of these memories
until i was in my teen years and
what opened them back up for me i
remember growing up i always had such a
hard time going to the bathroom
it hurt really bad going to the bathroom
and my mom found out about this and
she hated my dad um we all kind of hated
my dad but um we had to live with him
so
yeah the abuse kind of stopped around
the age of eight or nine from my
recollection and um
i think my mom had threatened to call
the police on what he was doing
and um
that put an end to it from there it
started
at what age
uh as as far back as my memories go i
remember
he was being he was doing wrong things
i would assume from infancy but um
i i have a two-year-old in my life he's
almost three
and um i know what was going on when i
was two or three i remember quite a bit
from being a kid so
um
so it went on for quite some time
i can even remember
not visual recordings but uh they would
take audio recordings of me getting
raped and
just screaming bloody murder man in
these audio recordings and
i'd actually bit one of these pedophiles
on the side of the face while i was
getting molested once and
i think my punishment for that is my dad
um took one of these audio recordings of
me getting raped
and he sat me down and he had me listen
to them when i was just
four or five years old and
you know i grew up hunting and stuff it
sounded like someone was killing a
rabbit over this audio recording just
just gurgling screaming
and i remember my dad looking at me and
laughing and
i brought him the recording and i set it
on his desk you know i was just a scared
kid i don't know what was going on he
looked at me and he kind of laughed and
he says you don't like listening to that
do you
i like to play with those
those voice recording tapes i know if i
talked into it i could play it back but
it was it was an old-school visual
recording thing so you could play it in
reverse too and it would kind of sound
like
weird sort of demonic things you know so
my dad had given me these um audio
recordings of me getting raped by
growing
men and the first time i listened to it
my little kid brain i guess i was an
intelligent kid i said well it must be
in reverse because this just sounds like
gurgling and i would play it both ways
and it still kind of sounded the same
um
that's some of the harshest memories
that i have and i don't have any
understanding
i guess sadism he was a sadist he liked
hurting people and he liked watching
watching all that so you had siblings
yeah i had an older sister
yeah um
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from my memories i i know um
she didn't have
there's some things happening to her too
but i also remember my dad explaining to
me that my mom was a lot more protective
of my sister than she was of me
so i guess
i'm not sure you know i know a lot of
bad stuff happened to me but i actually
haven't been in contact with my older
sister since since about the age of uh
12 11 i've only spoken a handful of
words to her since then so
um the abuse stopped when i was around
like
you know nine or ten and
i noticed real quickly that both my
parents were being um
exceptionally nice to me
um whatever i wanted whenever i wanted
and i wasn't stupid i knew what was
going on they were getting ready to have
a divorce and both parties wanted wanted
custody of me
divorce happened when i was 12 and
i actually choose to go with my dad my
mom was a really angry woman she
screamed a lot
she hit sometimes and um
you know my sister went with my mom i
choose to i chose to go with my dad
simply because he was nicer to me
and i had forgotten some of the
harsher abuse
i remembered having to sleep with him
and stuff but i didn't remember
a lot of the sadist
style behavior that came back when um
when i was older and i started having
sex with people and um
like i said earlier you know it came
back through me remembering my childhood
and just
it hurt so bad to go to the bathroom and
you know i thought that was normal it's
i talked with other people i talked with
some of my girlfriends
when i was 17 18 growing up and
as far as what my childhood was like
with my dad and they told me that's not
normal
and
it just led to a lot of you know
investigating my childhood and these
memories slowly came back so
by that time i had already found out
what drugs were
i grew up playing basketball so i kept
it pretty straight until about the age
of 16. you know i put my frustrations
into basketball and i was
really really good at basketball
i mean i wasn't a very articulate high
iq player
um
i was more the dennis rodman kind of
kevin garnett i was a mean basketball
player
and
yeah i could dunk the ball at a young
age i'd get a lot of rebounds
and
i continued playing through high school
but i had already started using drugs at
that point and they started to take
their toll on me
so um
[Music]
yeah i had met a best friend when i was
about 14 or 15 and i already hated my
dad at that point
so
um and i i think he knew i hated him i i
didn't even stay in my own house at that
point i stayed at their house for most
of the time um my basketball uniforms
were there my school clothes were there
um
yeah i called this my friend's mom
mom you know she wasn't my mom but
she called me her son so i kind of you
know stayed with that family
for um
for most of my upbringing i went real
real downhill with drugs after
graduating high school
i started shooting heroin i started
smoking crack i learned the layout of
chicago i'm not familiar with the south
side of chicago i'm familiar with the
west side of chicago
garfield park austin cicero um
and just learning street life you know
um i was never an addict that went sick
i always kind of
i don't want to say i'm you know an
intelligent addict but they are out
there you know um
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you know we look at addicts and we think
these people are you know stupid um
and a lot of them are but for some of
these old drug addicts people that have
been in the game for 10 15 years the
amount of iq they need to sustain their
habit to
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to not die to live this street life
they're actually smarter than in my
opinion they're smarter than a lot of
you know working class people
it's just you know their habits and who
they are they choose to use that
intelligence in all the wrong way
and that was me in my early twenties um
i sold a lot of things um
[Music]
allegedly and um
i used a lot of drugs um
i i stopped using drugs when i was about
26 years old i'm 29 now so
it's just the negative started to
outweigh the positives i knew quite a
few homeless people i i had friends that
started to go to prison for different
things
the first time i got clean i relapsed
golly i mean i tried to get clean it
seems you know 50 60 70 times and every
time i relapse but i kept on trying
and i got back into working out i got
back into playing pickup basketball and
at this point i've been sober about you
know two and a half three years i don't
have an exact date um
and there was a relapse about a year and
a half ago with some hydrocodone they
were from a doctor for a surgery but i
didn't need them
um
[Music]
so
um in relationships in your life
yeah yeah um
relationships you know i um i had a
girlfriend for most of my drug addiction
um
i grew up with a lot of gender dysphoria
too you know
i was a pretty queer kid growing up
until i started getting made fun of it
for like the long hair and the ear
piercing so i i pushed that part of me
away um i got real tough i started
lifting weights um but the gender
dysphoria was always there um
i came out as transgender kind of in the
midst of my drug addiction and um
[Music]
i had i had a handful of memories back
in my head about my childhood i just
chose not to acknowledge them
or really give them any weight as to who
i was as a person
right now sitting here i can remember
there was a lot of um
[Music]
there was a lot of weird stuff going on
with my dad a lot of costumes i mean
there was a puppy costume which was
naked with a collar
there was little girl costumes there was
little boy sailor costumes
that i would have to wear when i was
with these um
with these pedophiles whether it be my
dad or acquaintances
friends of my dad
um
so now i kind of attribute that to my
gender dysphoria um i'm not i actually
don't have a lot of gender dysphoria at
this moment here i'm happy being a guy
um
maybe i'm a little androgynous some
people say yes some people say no
um but yeah i came out as transgender
when i was 22 or 23 i had a boyfriend um
he's a really really nice smart guy i
can actually um
give him some of the credit for getting
me sober i was a drug addict at the time
he was sober he's an incredibly
intelligent guy
and
there was times where i would relapse
and he would still hang around with me
um
um yeah even um i was having sex with
him um one night and
another handful of memories kind of came
back and i was pretty devastated i um
i it led to me i could no longer have
sex with him
um
just the act of
having sex with another guy as a guy it
was so traumatizing for me
i remember one time i had tried because
and i had been sober for a few weeks and
i had tried having sex with my boyfriend
and
really quickly i mean um you know we
started making out and i could
i started shaking and i ran to the
toilet i threw up um
you know i threw up a few times i was
shaking i was sweating
and i started to realize that you know
i'm a pretty traumatized person the drug
addiction the dysphoria
um the transgendered stuff thank god i i
was never incredibly sexually
promiscuous and um
no stds or anything like that so i'm
really thankful for all that but um
yeah so you know i didn't do anything
very quickly but um i started to realize
that i wasn't transgender i have a
girlfriend now
um i'm still friends with with my
boyfriend from that he's a really smart
really intelligent guy and he's been
with me
from the time i was a drug addict till
now till i'm clean and um
so yeah you know relationships i've had
them with men i've had them with women
and um
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yeah i'm really thankful that i ran into
a guy like that that could be that
patient and stuff and um
so yeah um you know i'm still a
traumatized person um
do you do you do with uh like emotional
issues like depression or anger or
anxiety anything like that
yeah i have a bit of depression and
anxiety
i don't take any medications for it i
refuse to be on any doctor's medications
or anything
um
i don't use any drugs anymore i'm kind
of a pothead on and off i do smoke pot i
try to keep it um
to responsible use and i um
even if i'm not smoking pot i usually
take edibles before sleep because
my dreams are pretty rough um just some
of the dreams that i have to relive
while i'm sleeping
i'd prefer not to remember them when i
wake up and and weed can do that for me
so um
yeah i eat edibles before sleep almost
every night um
because i don't want to remember my
dreams the harder drugs that you were
doing were what
what were the harder drugs you were
using um a lot of a lot of opiates man
um opiate-based painkillers which kind
of led into heroin um i started sniffing
at first i learned how to shoot up
so i was shooting a lot of heroin um
[Music]
until i was about 22 or 23 you know
allegedly supposedly some people thought
i sold a lot of coke um
[Music]
i never really had a taste for coke i
had tried snorting it i had tried
shooting it was just not my stuff until
one day i had tried smoking it freebased
cocaine and i actually kind of enjoyed
that
and that was when my drug addiction got
really bad i started smoking a lot of
crack with the dope
it only lasted for about six months
until i realize that this isn't
sustainable and
it'll take my life you know if it
doesn't take my life it'll take my head
and i'll just be left a shell of a
person or i'll go to prison
for one thing or another i had a few
friends go to prison for drug-induced
homicides and gun charges
and
i knew i didn't want that you know i was
kind of in the world alone i had my
so-called adoptive family as they call
them
they knew i was struggling not to the
extent that um
that i'm talking about now
but um
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yeah getting out of it wasn't easy you
know like i said it took me 50 60 tries
and constantly relapsing
but um
[Music]
you know it took a lot of acknowledging
my trauma that i went through as a kid
um
a lot of meditation a lot of yoga and it
hasn't been easy even these past couple
years i've had more memories come back
of what my dad was doing
and um
[Music]
i'm still sober through it now i guess i
just found healthier ways to deal with
it
you know i play a lot of basketball
again in different pickup leagues i work
out i read just a ton
i'm an avid reader
did you try therapy
i have tried therapy i've tried um
not not to any real help i've tried
therapists and um
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i had one rescheduling me on me a lot i
had another one who was like um
really anti-gay anti-lgbt and
i don't really feel comfortable being
with her
the best therapy that i've had is
actually on
meditation and yoga i've had a few yoga
teachers kind of take me under their
wing and
guide me through some of my ptsd and my
flashbacks and
just breathing stretching acknowledging
that you know i'm a pretty messed up
person
and that's all right there's a lot of
messed up people i mean there's homeless
people that
aren't messed up you know there's people
that are homeless that do drugs that
have had normal childhoods and there's
other people that are successful
millionaires that have
you know had childhood similar to mine
and um
you know a lot of us are messed up some
of us acknowledge it some of us don't
and you know it's all right
you know that for me that's been the
best therapy is just yoga and um
and meditation you know
do you feel like
you you were once trans or gay or both
and that and now you're not or is it
just you're just
choosing this for now
well as far as my thoughts on that i
mean um
i grew up being bisexual i you know i've
had girlfriends i've had boyfriends at
this point in life um i'm not sure if
i'm only interested in my girlfriend i'm
not interested in other women i'm a
monogamous person
that being said i'm also not interested
in other men
if my girlfriend wasn't around i still
wouldn't be interested in men i would
only be interested in women
and as far as you know my gender i used
to be
quite a bit more androgynous quite a bit
more feminine looking
near the end of my drug addiction and
now i'm not
i mean i view gender as a spectrum i
mean you know and it changes throughout
our life as does her sexuality um
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so i think for most people having some
sense of androgyny is healthy um
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i don't know if anybody if you if you
just want my opinion i don't know if
anybody is transgender
or is not transgender as i said you know
i think gender is a spectrum
i'm not out here to um you know to hate
on the transgender community or call
them mentally ill or anything um
[Music]
you know i don't think i was um
pulled into the transgender community
and
you know
brainwashed by them or anything like
that i i don't
hold any beliefs like that um
[Music]
so yeah you know i view gender as a
spectrum i
as far as me dealing with some of my
issues i think there was kind of a form
of mastery involved with my childhood
and my trauma that i went through and i
had a boyfriend and
i read a lot so i read that when
something really really bad happens to
you when you're a kid
two things can happen you'll either
never want to be put in that situation
again you'll be a traumatized person
or as you grow up you'll try to recreate
it and relive it and you will probably
re-traumatize yourself
as a way to master what had happened to
you as a kid
and i see this everywhere i go i mean i
have
more than one friend who's a trans woman
who was sexually abused by her father
when she was a little boy
um
they remember it um
i have another trans woman friend who
her mom will uh will swear
that
the dad was sexually abusing her little
boy who's now a woman
um
and you know
both of those trans women have a lot of
sex and
i'm not even here to bash that you know
if if that's what helps them live and
helps them massive their trauma you know
it is what it is i have no ill feelings
in my heart towards anybody other than
status and pedophiles you know so
my way of dealing with it i guess there
was a form of mastery involved for a bit
until i had some memories come back that
were so harsh
i just couldn't be with guys anymore you
know and then um
i i had a really slow transition kind of
back to where i am now um i lift weights
i play basketball i paint my nails um
but i am a guy i'm happy being a guy you
know i'm only interested in women
and um
and that's my way of dealing with it are
you at the happiest point in your life
right now
um
the happiest i've ever been
no
no uh
that other family um i had a brother
he passed away two years ago about a
year and a half ago
yeah my happiest was um just one second
yeah my happiest was um
with my brother so
yeah he was he was also a drug addict um
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we saw eye to eye pretty much on
everything i mean we were brothers we
could finish each other's sentences
he was with me through like the whole
transgender stuff too i remember coming
out to him
um
one day i had started being a little
more androgynous and you know he always
knew i mean we had been friends since we
were you know 13 14 years old um
i told him one day that i think i'm
transgender and he was right in the
middle of um
talking about one of his favorite animes
and i kind of interrupted him and just
blurted it out
and he looked at me and he was like um
you know you interrupted me
he didn't care at all he was just like
we can talk about that later but i'm
talking about this anime right now
i don't even think we talked about it
later you know
it was just how it was
he passed away from an overdose
yeah um we kind of got sober together
um we each took our own roads um we
relapsed separately
but um
we'd gotten sober together the only
issue was um my brother was a drinker
and um with the drinking there was some
xanax um involved if you're familiar
with drugs and brain chemistry drinking
and xanax they hit the same receptors in
the brain so you can give an alcoholic
and withdrawal xanax and it'll get them
right and conversely you can give a
xanax addict alcohol and it'll kind of
keep them right somewhat much like
heroin to uh
to pain pills and my brother had never
really shook that monkey
of drinking in xanax um
i never really played around with much
xanax and i'm not a drinker
i was much more of a hardcore drug
addict and my brother never smoked as
much crack as i had smoked um
but he always had that monkey on his
back and he started going downhill
really bad
about a year before he died
i mean he had tried to quit xanax cold
turkey he had the seizures um
i remember getting waiting for him to
get out of the hospital and he came out
of the hospital and
he was like a different person
i mean to anybody watching this
if you're gonna play with drugs don't
ever play with xanax
and i always knew that as a young drug
addict you know you can quit heroin
you can quit um crack you can quit all
these things and for the most part
you'll go back to being the person that
you were
when you started using drugs xanax's
xanax and meth those two things are
different stories if you get far into
those drugs
you can get sober but the person that
you once were
in my opinion will be gone
um
so my brother got out of the hospital
and yeah he um
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he was kind of a different person he was
nervous all the time he could barely
hold a conversation
i tried to be there for him but he
always wanted to be alone
and he had already had one kidney from
drinking and drugs
[Music]
and i knew he was fooling around after
he got out of the hospital with xanax
and alcohol and things and um
he ended up passing away from a um he
was real drunk one night and um he was
playing with a can of air duster
and i guess
[Music]
there's a chemical on air duster
tetrafluorocarbon it's a very heavy
molecule it
displaces oxygen from the lungs that's
how they get their high on different
inhalants
it's actually not really a high it's
more so just depriving the brain of
oxygen
um you can think of the choking game
that young boys play um in high school
which my brother did play i never played
the choking game i thought myself above
such activities as a young
queer kid growing up um
so yeah that's how my brother passed
away i actually saw him pass away um
[Music]
i was at a neighbor's house hanging out
with their kids and i had gotten a phone
call from
[Music]
our dad you know his dad um
they were on vacation and um he said i
should go check up on steve i guess my
brother
had called his parents
in kind of a frantic state and i came
back to the house and um
were to sound like someone trying to
start a car that wouldn't start you know
i was with the neighbor at the time and
we ran around the corner of the house
and we saw
my brother there and um
he had a significant amount of brain
damage from the oxygen deprivation
already um
[Music]
i i got into mma after basketball so i
kind of knew some of the signs of like
cpe and when people get knocked out he
had some of this going on
right before he was dying
right before he died um
[Music]
he died there once and then i guess they
resisted him in the ambulance and he
died a gun on the way to the hospital
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and you know it's funny um
my brother was also pretty queer grown
up but he was straight um he always had
beautiful girlfriends surprisingly
but we were having a conversation about
two months before he died and he
actually disclosed to me that um
[Music]
there are some things he's never told
anybody before and um
his family is mormon um
his mom was a convert into the mormon
religion
and um
mormons treat converts differently than
they do people that are born as mormon
so my brother being born as mormon would
spend a lot of time in this church as a
young boy actually away from his mom and
he told me he was sexually abused by the
mormon
by some of the guys in this mormon
church
and
and in the town where i where i grew up
in the suburb of chicago
there was actually a higher up of of a
big mormon um
[Music]
collection of churches that's in prison
right now for molesting young boys
so
i don't like religion you know my dad is
a christian
my biological dad is a christian he's
pretty
devout about it too he's been
he's wandered from his faith and he's
come back to it he now he says he's a
born-again christian
he speaks to churches about how hard he
had it growing up and
you know i'm the evil
the evil
you know cross-dressing drug addict
that's not a christian um
yeah so um
you know i'm that's not the case
um
what are you what are you afraid of now
what do you worry about
ah
i'm most worried about myself
um
i'll never go back to drugs um
you know i'll be honest it's hard for me
to hold the job sometimes
maybe it's just the life that i've lived
growing up not working often and doing
other things for money that paid a lot
better than working
so right now i'm most worried about
myself as a traumatized person you know
for traumatized people we can really be
our own worst enemies
i mean we're in la right now i mean you
could look outside and see a lot of
people that are indeed their own worst
enemy
and i'm at a point in life where i don't
want to be that way i want to work with
myself i want to work through this
i don't want a normal job i don't want
to just be a worker be i want to find a
way to help people
or do something meaningful in the world
and that's hard to do
you know
i volunteered a lot of women's shelter
women's shelters um like domestic
violence homes since i've gotten sober
because
sometimes i feel like if my mom
had a safe place to go growing up
but um
it wouldn't have been as bad maybe she
would have left my dad and
[Music]
not allowed her kids to be
in the presence of a
sadistic pedophile
um
and she tried i mean i remember going to
stay with her mom which was my grandma
at the time and
as a child you don't understand you know
i actually remember saying i miss my dad
i miss my mom and my mom telling me you
know she's sorry about that but i
shouldn't be around him and
then we would move back into the house
with him and the abuse would continue
because he knew he could get away with
it
um
so yeah you know um i i want a job where
i can help people and you know my
biggest fears are just as a traumatized
person sometimes i isolate myself
um
[Music]
and just working through all this trauma
you know um
[Music]
yeah another big fear of mine is um i'm
afraid of him
um um
i'm still worried that he has some sense
of power over me um
i even worry about coming on this
podcast you know um
[Music]
i don't know if
i if he's ever gonna reach out to me
again one day trying to
sue me for defamation or anything um
you know
i believe i already brought it up how i
had confronted him over what he had done
to me
and
he actually
leaned in my recording phone as i was
confronting him and he was like yeah
i did what i did to you and you know so
what get over it
um kind of taunting me
um
you know he's proud of what he's done
deep down
and i you know it's there's just i know
i've watched some of your videos mark as
far as getting out of these circles of
trauma and um
love understanding and forgiveness is
going to be one of our only ways out
and it's hard for me to find any of
those i
definitely don't have any understanding
as to why anybody would want to do
something like this to a kid
my only guess is that it happened to him
when he was a boy
and his solution and it's not a solution
but his solution
to make himself feel better is to do it
to other little
boys and i don't understand any of that
um
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i don't have any love for pedophiles for
sadistic people
um
especially people that are going to go
and do this to a child i i just can't
fathom
um
and the last one is forgiveness you know
there's actually some days
where i've gotten really close to
forgiving him um i'm sober now i i smoke
pot at night
um
and and maybe i'm not sober because
there's been a couple instances where
i've tried um psilocybin mushrooms in
small doses and i can remember
about a year ago after my brother had
passed i'd taken um
a small dose of psilocybin mushrooms and
i started with my yoga practice and
meditation i was going to journal some
play guitar draw and as these mushrooms
kicked in i felt sorry for my dad like
really sorry i mean i started crying
because
in that moment i couldn't
fathom what it was like to be him
i felt really bad for him i mean i was
like sobbing by myself that's how bad i
felt for my dad and
if i could have connected with him in
that moment i would have forgiven him
and i would have been worried about
um
the salvation of his soul
um
i i'm in line with a lot of buddhist
principles
so i know it's within me to forgive him
and just because of that little story i
told
but it's intermittent you know
and that's kind of what i'm working on
i'd like to forgive him in a sense
but you know it's hard when you confront
someone that was raping you
um i mean we can invent a lot of other
words for it child molestation
pedophilia but the best word for it is
he's a child rapist he rapes child
children forcibly
when you confront someone like this and
you find out that
they enjoy rubbing it in your face
yes so what get over it
it's really hard to forgive him
i've offered um i've offered to pay for
therapy for him and i to go to therapy
he doesn't want anything to do with it
um
[Music]
so i guess it's a journey i'm going to
have to take on my own
as far as understanding forgiveness and
love
and if i can't forgive him and
understand it and come out of it with a
sense of love
i just don't want to live my life with
hate any longer because it really
inhibits a lot of what i want to do
um
you said what am i afraid of i'm afraid
of living my life as a hateful person
and um
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and i'm not where i want to be i do have
a lot of hate in my heart towards um
[Music]
towards pedophiles towards these types
of people towards towards the
politicians that give these people two
to three years in jail and then they get
out and do the same thing again i mean
you can go on the sex offenders registry
there's probably 15 pedophiles within a
few miles of me at any point in america
and they're repeat offenders
and um i don't want to roll myself up
right now which would be easy to do
but i don't want to live the rest of my
life you know a hateful person who's
consumed
by the fact that pedophiles do exist
a lot of times they're treated better
than their victims
and um
yeah i guess that's one of my biggest
fears so
all right jake thank you so much for
sharing your story yeah thanks for
having me mark and thanks for all the
work you do so i wish you lots of luck
with your journey thanks thank you very
much
you