Devon do you have a cigarette sure and
here's a copy of my last movie it's
essentially Brokeback Mountain from the
point of view of the horses hey the
sun's been up for an hour shouldn't we
get riding are they still sleeping
hello check we now return to cutting in
line in front of Italians Copernicus why
don't you navigate yourself to the back
of the line with your feet and stand
there with your shirt Oh Stewie it's
wonderful this is going right up on the
fridge really the fridge it's like we
have a little Michelangelo in the house
okay see you guys later what the hell is
it supposed to be a pelican or a school
bus dumbass hey let's spit on it we're
not the first people to be dragged off
against our will are we there yet
no are we there yet no are we there yet
I swear to God I will turn this ship
around that works okay I teach us a
lesson yeah that's even better all right
if that's what you away man and now back
to round table with Al Michaels Harold
Ramis Ray Romano and Kermit the Frog
these zoning laws are infringing on the
right interrupt for a minute I'd like to
point out that your time with someone
who I haven't said a word it was rector
look at me I can't get a word in
edgewise who's been dogging this old
[Applause]
[Music]
forget it
I've missed too many other opportunities
there is looking long enough just what
we need hey guys I'm coming in oh god oh
boy I am not gonna hear the end of this
you've done it idiot
I know I don't fit here but I'm just
gonna settle right in like yesterday I
started a lovable gang of cockney
pickpockets alright boys the best
targets are old rich people here's one
now go get him help me I hope you don't
find the money strapped to my thigh he
can't be dead
there's got to be something I can do
maybe I'll bury him in the pet cemetery
ok I'll bury him in a regular Cemetery
these Texans are socially backward and
politically they're all stubborn as a
mule nope sorry Kevin Bacon wasn't in
Footloose what of course he was now he
wasn't you lose of course he was he was
the star no you're wrong look it up I
don't have to look it up it's common
knowledge he was on the cover of know
people magnet no no one knows Kevin was
a No oh it was no no no come on come on
in your family's waiting in here there
are toys and a puppy and food that's not
served from warming trays
come on you're gonna want it oh you got
to do better than that okay I guess you
don't want a new family toys and a puppy
we are gonna raise more hell than
Hellraiser hey honey you want some salt
for your steak yeah sure yeah I got ya
that's more salt than you wanted
remember those sweet warm New England
summers remember sipping lemonade
underneath a shady tree remember when
you hit that pedestrian with your car at
the crosswalk and then just drove away
Pepperidge Farm remembers but pepperidge
farm ain't just gonna keep it -
pepperidge farm sell free of charge
maybe you go out and buy yourself some
of these distinctive Milano cookies
maybe this whole thing just disappears
we now return to Rodney King of Queens
Rodney did you take out the trash oh I
forgot oh no she didn't
besides it's bound to go better than my
deep-sea training well we got a long
time in this decompression chamber you
guys mind if I turn on a radio Peter go
oh nice going me for trying to brighten
your day with music all right you idiot
use your brain you dirty
stop stop stop oh man we're gonna need
some butter or something because I'm
your son and I'm tough I made it halfway
through failure to launch
I just never managed to get my life
together in that hilarious
you're cute done I'm more of a sellout
than you were when you did those
Butterfinger commercials nobody better
lay a finger on my Butterfinger do mine
Lois sometimes kids can be a handful
look at Gregory pecks kids are we there
yet it's crowded back here stop touching
me your leg is rubbing up against mine
hey quiet down or I'm pulling over stop
breathing on the window you idiot that's
condensation it's on the outside that's
it I will come back there and so help me
God I will hit you with my ring hand oh
man this is gonna be great
are we watching a movie the lab results
are back you've tested positive for
nymphomaniac Oh No what should I do
take two of these and call us in the
morning well that's not going to help
her nymphomaniac only gonna exacerbate
it for the rest of my life I'll be as
lonely as Pat Robertson and Jerry
Falwell after the rapture damnit Jerry
why are we the only ones still here I
don't know we hated all the right things
now there's nothing left to hate I'm
gonna hate that rock oh I'm gonna hate
that rod let's both hate that rock I
hate you I hate you too
[Music]
this is the greatest show I've seen in
years not like the last time I was at a
comedy club I hear this guy's hilarious
he played creaming you know oh this is
gonna be fun and to swap my vocal cords
with Patrick Stewart hey Lois I spent
the afternoon making a list of famous
Armenians Eric Bogosian Andre Agassi
Jenny the shark tarkanian that is all
you'll be kept as healthy as a horse
so how's that leg doing okay great great
never better
good why don't you try putting some
weight on it sure yes yes oh that's good
that feels good very strong
sorry Thunder I gotta put you down all
right don't freak out Peter don't freak
out like you did when you goldfish died
here you go lieutenant shiny shades
it's okay I'll testify against you just
like I did against Michael Jackson
Stewie did mr. Jackson behave
inappropriately toward you well yes but
the worst part was he never called back
but in all seriousness yeah he was
actually pretty aggressive face it Brian
she's dumber than a boston-area book
report the novel I chose to address is
Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens queer
name right the book was actually not bad
I'm entitled to these things Lois
especially after I got shafted by that
Asian Santa the mall what you want what
you want for christmas um I was thinking
maybe one of those old-timey Christmas
Peter this is more irresponsible than
when you fed your Mogwai after midnight
Tina didn't the little Chinese man tell
you not to feed him after midnight come
on Lois he's so cute and he's hungry
what could happen
hello i'm fran drescher it's more
disgusting than when you gave me that
Christmas gift I'm sorry I thought I
thought you'd like it
right I loved it I'm gonna call you
sticky head I love you a sticky head
this is weird net rap video by MC Escher
going up the stairs and going down the
stairs and going up the stairs and going
down the stairs and going up the side
where stairs look at all these Hummers
what kind of jerk would drive one of
those dude this car kicks ass and I can
watch Madagascar while I'm driving what
kind of music do you like Lauria hippo
ha dude those animals are so funny they
make me want to merge without looking
yeah ah this is even worse than when you
ate that bubblegum out of a garbage
Brian did you get into the garbage last
night Oh No
why don't lie to me Brian I'm not lying
[Music]