from the day in 1907 when a briefly
vegan Theodore Roosevelt freed the
capital's buffalo population to
Alabama's first desegregated mass
suicide in
1972 the onion looks back at this week
in
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history on May 10th 1497 amago vuchi
left kadis Spain for his historic first
voyage to the new world only to
sheepishly return 3 days later for his
ships and crew according to historical
records the overeager Italian explorer
excitedly howled Arad deri before diving
into the Atlantic Ocean and swimming
nearly 72 miles before realizing he
forgot virtually everything needed for
the journey the spoie swam all the way
back to the dock and was completely
red-faced as he walked slowly past his
crew members who were clearly snickering
at him one bystander's Journal records
that as he walked by he mou Koto Mento
un which means boy I feel like a
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idiot I'd like to take a few seconds
once again to talk about my colleague
Professor Eric Kaufman who was recently
awarded a tenure track position at
Princeton
University congratulations Eric you have
proven once again that being an arrogant
slack jawed hack with a pension for
whoring yourself in the world of
Academia you're W Fus waving in front of
every department head with a pulse will
still get you whatever you want whenever
you want
it
Bravo
Bravo on May 8th 1945 Americans
celebrated victory in Europe day by
listening to a radio address from
Franklin Dela Roosevelt's rotting corpse
Overjoyed at the unconditional surrender
of German forces families and returning
soldiers across the country gathered
around radios to listen to the
heartwarming sound of Grunts and raspy
incoherent moans from the freshly exed
decomposed in cab of the former
president my fellow
Americans
today the battle against evil
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is our nation in a great day
for nearly 25 years later the nation
would once again celebrate when JFK's
headless cab announced the moon
landing and on May 10th 1869 a femur was
ripped out of a dipped in gold
and driven into the ground thereby
completing the first Transcontinental
Railroad and that was what happened this
week in history in the words of Winston
Churchill history is written by the
winners because the losers are usually
poor and illiterate