[Music]
so
[Music]
episode
whoops lead us in leave it in one of you
yeah
you've already let us in whoever smelt
it leads it in they say
continue on kaya okay welcome to episode
191 i believe
and today we're going to be talking
about we've gotten some feedback i think
right jackson about the
moon hexing and from witches oh yeah
yeah yeah
yeah yeah i read i read through a fair
few uh messages left by which is far
more witches in our community than i
would have uh ever imagined um
it seems like they themselves distance
themselves from these
baby witches i think they called them
baby witches i believe that's the term
baby kin i don't know some some kind of
baby terminology
yeah like they're young witches that
live on twitter basically
and and all these actual witches all the
actual witches kind of distance
themselves from
from this community which i don't know i
i don't really understand since there
there was still 100 000 likes on that
tweet
so why do they yeah why do they distance
themselves what don't they like about
the babies gatekeeping man you can't
just be a level 100 wizard overnight
charlie come on you have to earn that
[ __ ] you can be going around hexing the
[ __ ] moon
no that's that's not what i heard i
heard the main reason they distanced
themselves
uh is because they they think the baby
wishes are literally insane which they
they are you know it's bad when even
witches think you're insane
yeah it's like being called out by
another band of insane [ __ ] you know
i
i i don't know i think there's nothing
wrong with being a
a reasonable witch not one that hexes
our
reasonable light sources
if you practice witchcraft on your own
your spiritual belief
never drunk hex
make potions drunkenly and just
accidentally voodoo people
i don't know how they feel about the
moon then
oh i didn't actually get that far i
didn't ask them about them no jesus
christ
you had one job jackson no i just wanted
to find out why they
like became witches more so and what was
what being a witch was about
and there were a lot of people that said
they were they were actually born into
being a witch
which i thought was interesting just
like harry potter i see
did the sorting hat hufflepuff griffin
[ __ ] owl flew in their window and
dropped off their letter
you guys didn't get a letter hagrid
stopped by and said you were a
witch you're a woman broke down their
door and went you're a wizard
kid you're a witch is there warlocks or
is it only witches
no no i saw a man i saw well
that's a massive rich yeah yeah i saw a
guy refer to him well
as a witch isn't isn't a warlock
specifically an evil
wizard no it's i think warlock refers to
a man who practices witchcraft
i thought that was a wizard yeah no
that's
he practices magic witchcraft was
different from magic oh
oh i see hang on don't they also
differentiate between wizards and
sorcerers where wizards are
or now so that's all that they're like
sorry there's wizards
they had combat spells or something like
that like
they participated in war that's what
makes them a warlock they could still be
good warlocks
and magicians sorry okay that's what i
was thinking of so those porsche marks
every single time you're a midge
magicians are fake no i know and they
always have to defend themselves when
they go on stage they always say like no
you guys i'm not calling myself a wizard
you guys i'm a magician there's a
difference it's all sleight of hand i
don't actually think i can do magic
don't be stupid it's poor [ __ ] so dude
instead of goth these days they just
become witches is that the new fad
well no because goth was like a fashion
statement whereas witches is like a
spirituality
it's kind of different well what's the
spirituality of which
was invented now that's what it would be
i don't want to give this as much credit
as
buddhism i don't feel like it has the
same sort of
i'm sure i wonder i wonder how people
thought of buddhism when it was first
you know constructed people thousands
and thousands of years ago
yeah like did they do they hop on
twitter and go these damn buddhists
[Laughter]
all peaceful and [ __ ] son of a [ __ ]
well people still think that in certain
locations
people think that about all religions
jackson like the jackson household
they're buddhists
you had an agenda i see now it's coming
full circle
so buddhists believe in well do they
believe in anything or do they just
follow the teachings of something
of course they believe in something what
do you mean what do they believe in
is it who's that god
karate i think they believe
now that one i get
i think we should create a religion
based on john wick i think that'd be
incredible oh that'd be big yeah
we have nothing but like fortnite kids
though yeah it'd be called reddit
yeah it'll be just like this [ __ ] with
the witches and praying to harry potter
books
i mean that's already like the uh the
[ __ ] meme where shrek
is a religion you're that [ __ ] no i
don't remember that
you know remember that that whole shrek
is love shrek his life [ __ ] that was
around the internet for a while
that was just a meme yeah but it was
that's what i'm saying the shrek
religion meme yeah so something
something can start out as a joke or
kind of like uh i mean you know let's be
honest what is religion
if not giant memes whoa
think about it culture that propagates
between people
shared ideas stuff that goes viral they
have a shitload in common
yeah so how does it make the jump from
being you know a story
to being a religion that so many people
believe but just the belief in it would
be my guess
it's not like anything happened it's not
like you know for
witchcraft there was one day like a
giant spell like the moon had like the
infinite tsukiomi from naruto on it
they're like [ __ ] it's real
would we class scientology as a religion
i don't think anybody would classify
scientology as a religion
they do uh significant
well not significant in the sense of
christianity or you know
even buddhism but it's still significant
enough that there's those ideas and
communities out there that do believe in
it have you
seen scientology meetings have you guys
actually seen what they do in them and
[ __ ]
i'm fascinated by scientology stuff yeah
i've seen it it's pretty goddamn
brilliant for those of you out there
listening who don't know
watch a video or two on scientology
meetings because the way that they
subtly indoctrinate people is [ __ ]
genius
they um one of the first introductory
things they do
what is it subtle okay
yeah it is so one of the first things
they do
when they bring in new members is they
get them all into a meeting and they're
like all right we're just gonna have a
a group meeting a group prayer whatever
you want to call it so they sit
everybody in a room
and they have the the whatever they call
it in scientology the past or whatever
the equivalent is he goes up to the
front he goes all right everybody
we're gonna try and exercise and and all
of you are gonna participate and it's
very easy
and we're gonna get started and he and
it'll go all right the first thing i
want you to do
is have a head i want you to have a head
i want you to exist
with a head can you do that for me yeah
that that [ __ ] would blow me away i'd be
so scared
and then after that he goes all right i
want you to have i want you to have
sight i want you to be able to see
i want you to sit there and have vision
now obviously no one in the audience is
going to be blind
beforehand and then he'll say why not
because it ruins the illusion
you know
the point i'm trying to make is that he
says something that applies to each and
every single person
in the room so that way like you're
already
doing it even though it's something that
by default you're doing
it's something he says that you're doing
and they repeat that over and over and
over and over again
until eventually he says all right now i
want you to buy this book
can you buy this book and then your
brain goes well yeah i've been doing
everything else he's saying
i may as well buy that book and it
[ __ ] works it works more than you
think it would
surely you have to be indoctrinated
before
you have to before that like if that's
think about it that you do that for like
three months
that's like your first three months at
scientology and you go there
because like you go there they're like
oh welcome to our community and oh
there's
spirits and karma and oh yeah we can
teach you things and we can help you
and check out this introductory pamphlet
and then if you go there for three
months it doesn't sound very
efficient if it takes three months to
get them to buy a book
with if they're spending three months
there anyway well they're being charged
to be there
that whole thing that's right yeah oh
are they you pay for the meetings yeah
yeah right when you start they give you
like an introductory book you have to
buy that's like 50
or something and then you also pay to
visit meetings
and it's like they're still getting
money out of you but then when they
would want to get the real [ __ ] out of
you like hey
maybe you should make a pledge maybe you
should come to this big earners meeting
where it costs like 10 grand or
something
they start you out with the easy lowball
stuff like i want you to i want you to
sit there and
and have a body can you do that for me
just have a body
it's like well i'm already doing that i
may as well pay 10 grand
and it works more than you think they're
[ __ ] huge
that's actually something interesting um
you guys have
you in america you guys do have a lot of
like cults and
and those kinds of uh situations yeah
you jealous i can't think
yeah i i no i was just about to say i
genuinely can't
think of any one of those situations
over here in australia
is it like that in germany in turkey
turkey kaya do you
have quotes turkey as a bunch yeah trust
me
um well what about germany uh germany
i don't really know no i don't think so
not none like
little loony bin offshoots we also don't
have
and just in america the culture is so
[ __ ] politicized you guys will
literally just
start a cult around [ __ ] uh maple
syrup and [ __ ] and
[ __ ] vaccinations become political
and cultish no in america
uh yeah it's like i've like that i've
never seen anywhere else is that people
starting a cult around vaccines for
example that's the weird [ __ ]
or flat earth although that's because
we're enlightened kaya i just wish you
weren't so [ __ ] jealous
i really do it's getting sickening gaia
i am
jealous which is why i'm now going to
look up australian
cults
[Laughter]
the family australian new age group
that's a [ __ ] lame name
yeah it is the family i think it's
creepy
it's also called the great white
brotherhood
it sounds kind of racist okay uh is it
australia definitely sounds racist
there's an australian new age group
formed in the mid 60s under the
leadership
of yoga teacher anne hamilton byrne
the group's headquarters was raided by
the police on august 14th why do cults
always end up in [ __ ] waco shootings
can't any cults just keep to themselves
on a commune
they always have to somehow overstep
their bounds and poison a [ __ ]
village or something
well usually when you say poison the
village they poison themselves
a lot of cults keep to themselves
they're just not famous and the ones
that do get famous for keeping
themselves usually
kill themselves isn't that kind of like
a
like a benefit though like it's kind of
a self-correcting problem in a lot of
cases with these [ __ ] weirdo
dangerous cults
ideally you don't want people to be
indoctrinated into cult-like settings so
then
like the the product being that they
kill themselves that's not
a healthy society but the person that
starts it always ends up taking their
own life
would you guys live in a country like
that if that was part of the
constitution where you live where they
go if we get invaded and our army can't
hold them back you are
obligated to swallow cyanide
well at that point who's going to hold
you to it i don't know they're just
patriotism
die for australia loyalty yeah
indoctrination is some scary [ __ ] man
like even
even if there was no one to hold you to
it if you're indoctrinated that hard
you're gonna [ __ ] do it
do you think any of us could be
indoctrinated into a cult we should all
try i hope so
we should all find our favorite cult and
go sign up
and see which one of us like really gets
into it i would love to that's the thing
i kind of got bummed out that when i was
over you guys didn't take me any like
two churches or something to a mega
church i would have loved to see that
we should like it that's something we
wanted to do we wanted to go to
uh clearwater which is like the home of
scientologists have been over there we
wanted to do that yeah we never did
yeah i want to go to one of those where
they wrangle snakes and they're like ah
god is protecting me and they always get
bitten by the snakes
no that's not the kind of zoo i want to
go to where they're just
zookeeps are like oh god is protecting
me
they're protecting you too
there's no fences it's just a [ __ ]
bloodbath
now most of what we have here is jedi
force pushes
yeah those those are a treat though what
are they
that's where uh that's where you have
like the mega church and you have the
preacher and he's screaming about god
and god's love and then you have a group
of people standing in front of the stage
like reaching out like a rock concert
and he's like he's like with christ i
heal you and he like throws out his hand
like a jedi and
half the audience falls over you'd be
surprised how effective that technique
is andrew
you're right it cured my polio
yeah i can't think of any cults in
germany let me look that up real quick
so to tie it back to witches though do
you think
whit being a witch is an expensive uh
spirituality
no like it doesn't it doesn't seem like
it would be a toxic
spirituality like there's no kind of
cultish behavior at least from what i
saw it's just that
not toxic you're bitching like little
teenagers on twitter because they are
little teenagers
yeah but that's that's an offshoot
the baby witches or whatever they're
called the baby witches weren't the ones
complaining it was the entire community
up which is saying that they can no
longer sleep and they feel like [ __ ]
every day because the moon is hexed oh
it's not that big
why did i read so many messages from
other witches saying that they they've
distanced themselves from that
because they're big they don't like the
baby witches who have hexed the moon but
it wasn't the baby witches that were
complaining it was every other person
who practices
witch witching witching
so do you guys think they also have
these indoctrination sessions like the
called scientology where the kids get
around a [ __ ]
dinner table and they you know unpack
their juice boxes and they're like
i want you to have a nose conducted for
discord chats
that actually i do believe they probably
groom each other on discord
there's probably their own little small
groups of witches where they all have
their own
ceremony or i mean there's no rules on
how to be a witch you can do whatever
you want
yeah i i don't know about that hard to
disagree with you know that's what
that's what andrea is sounding mighty a
lot like a baby witch what's up
[ __ ] i've been exposed yeah i'm sure
there's base basic rules to any
spirituality if you want to call
yourself a witch you have to follow the
standards
the operating procedures i don't think
so i don't think there'd be that
you have to get your wand inspected
every six months
no dust allowed on your uh yeah and your
cloak
keep it clean sorry all the witches i
have befriended over
last week for that offensive joke i take
it back explore wicca i mean it seems
like they can
handle a joke i don't think they're very
upset about it let's see i am surprised
that we had witches in our community at
all so that's interesting
how to become a wiccan the beginner's
guide to witchcraft
the path of wicca is filled with
excitement mystery and wonder
if you're seeking to become a wiccan or
learn more about what a wiccan does and
believes you come to the right place
uh you'll be familiar with the following
work in terminology major working
beliefs gods and goddesses how to
perform your own wicked spell all right
let's fast forward
we're gonna put a [ __ ] spell up in
this [ __ ]
on all the audience my only point
earlier on the on that there's no rules
on being a witch though is that i bet
you'll read that page and they'll say
like how to be a wiccan
and it'll be different than you know a
bunch of other pages on how to do it
there's no like
actual standard to be a witch
well you make spells and [ __ ]
your item list should look like this
object representing fire
object representing water object
representing earth
object representing air so they're the
avatar
yeah one white candle and matches or a
lighter
what item would you get to that
represents air
like a feather a fan
i just blow on stuff be like
clear a space and place your elemental
objects on the ground as if they were
the four points of an invisible square
stand in the middle of that square with
the candle near your feet
clearly say the following all spirits of
good will
are welcome here to join me on my
spiritual journey
may i learn the truths you have to teach
me
now move to to your object representing
on a budget can i use the candle as the
source representing fire as well
oh yeah you're thinking smart you're
knocking out two birds with one stone
here
but no little tech tip there for you
witches out there
no it can't be at the it can't be right
in front of your feet and also
be a corner of the square i think so
element of fire [ __ ] giver of passion
light the flame within my soul that i
may always desire to seek the truth
so mote it be these people has watched
[ __ ] avatar
i bet if i look this up it's like a
princess zuko quote or something
so people said they were born into this
so that there's ancestry with witches
it's their [ __ ] jacksons they're
[ __ ] soccer moms
that are into this and the mommy you
know teaches the daughter
i suppose maybe that's how they're born
into it so are they like
i didn't get the answer to this but do
you guys think there are pure blood
witches like the witches that are born
with which
like lineage are they more powerful is
there class superiority
in the witch society jackson are you
retroactively asking if muggles are real
mudbloods not to offend any witchcraft
practitioners out there
yeah that was like hermione right yeah
yeah um
element of water giver of purification
cleanse my soul that i may be worthy to
embrace the truth
so mote it be yada yada
addressing an elemental spirit followed
with a request to that spirit
divine spirit accompany me on my journey
show me the road towards truth that i
may become to love all the wisdom of the
universe
my intention is set my will is sealed
this is the path i have chosen
so moted by the way this is a [ __ ]
prayer and this is what atheists are all
up in the [ __ ] reply saying yeah i
want to try this
i'm an atheist i'm not like dumb like
those other dummies who eat like the
body of christ i want to pray to
a candle [ __ ] idiots
spirits of good fortune come in with
atheists around
i mean the spirit of rage took over kaya
then
yeah you haven't done the ceremony
quickly
get your uh four elements i have a water
bottle here
so we need earth form the uh form the
elemental triangle on that you'll save
time
be careful not to accidentally make a
pentagram and summon satan no no but i
still have some uh
grains of sand between my toes so that
that'll represent earth
oh great spirit of podcasting please
show us the way with your goodwill and
make it so
spotify also pays us a hundred million
dollars to switch to them one day
so mote it be and make someone buy my
[ __ ] poster
brother if that actually happens i will
practice witchcraft
every day for my life yeah if the
witches want to prove it's all real get
our podcast
sponsored by spotify for 100ml
the only way i'll believe it other than
that i just don't believe it
yeah but i have no problem which is if
you're having fun
can we do the same thing with like god
though no
we should target everyone i can't arms
jackson
jackson did god ever ask you to summon
the avatar i don't think so okay
god's not as powerful as a baby witch
god you believe
it anyway come on just shut up and pray
to witches
so to spirits i mean does it really
matter which [ __ ] god or deity
gives us a hundred million dollars from
spotify
that's true i mean would you take buddha
whatever
i'll worship spotify if you're listening
spotify give us that 100 million dollar
contract
and we'll spr we'll spread your religion
like fire
so emote it me
dumbest little at least like steal the
amen or something
or take the intro from the muslims just
like that's the motive
potential there it's the most reddit
little ending
to something it's like excelsior
[Music]
we don't insult stan lee in these parts
you're going too far now
stanley was the man stanley is up to
these days
practicing witchcraft
that he could become a witch
[Laughter]
he's one of the he's one of the spirits
now maybe so is this what the [ __ ]
idiots are the two that do like the
the rich [ __ ] who are into spirit
cooking and such is this what they
believe
oh spirit cooking's so [ __ ] good
that's such a beautiful
spirit cooking the [ __ ] walking is
spirit cooking the [ __ ] where like jesus
christ shows up in the french toast and
[ __ ]
no why are there you you're okay
you have no idea spirit cooking is this
crazy [ __ ] rabbit hole of
actual mad men that believe this kind of
stuff
it's based around a [ __ ] performance
artist name like uh
abramovic i think her name is she's the
one that would like sit at a table and
just stare at people at an art exhibit
for like six
hours and then she'd like walk around
letting people finger her for art or
something
oh i've seen that one yeah yeah i love
that art and she does she have the
she have the box around her body and
then you reach on in like a puppet show
and
feel around i think that was her i know
she's done some [ __ ] like that was she
was she the one where she stood on two
platforms and had her period on stage
and on a piece of paper
that was egg lady right yeah no
no there was a woman that put eggs up a
snatch and then shot him out like a
cannon onto a sheet of paper
jackson you didn't see that one
no i i remember that one she jackson she
was like on two ladders and she was
pooping them out onto a canvas down
below
oh she pooped them i thought she shot
him out of her [ __ ] well no they
shook them out of her [ __ ] but like she
wasn't shooting she she could have done
one-on-one like a double-barreled
shotgun
yeah she reloads it like doom just crams
them in there with her fists
tactical reload if she if she misses the
tactical reload she just smashes it into
a crutch
it goes everywhere there's like a combat
roll while like filling your vagina
see we don't get to do [ __ ] like that
yeah good yeah it's a crime
explain the spirit cookie though we
never actually got into it oh i think we
just did it's
so deep to get into spirit cooking
andrew some of the evidence they use for
spirit cooking being real
is they compare old photos of like uh
ancient drawings to modern people saying
about immortality and [ __ ] like that
like some of the evidence i was looking
at
is um kanye west looks like
uh michelle obama i think
and they were talking about how they're
cloning us and changing us or something
so it has nothing to do with actual
cooking yeah i don't really understand
what spirit cooking has to do with all
of it but i think it's just kind of a
conduit to be an
actual maniac so what is spirit cooking
though like what do you do what's the
point
well you don't do anything that's
already being done behind our back
so it's it's how we were made maybe we
were spirit poop
i believe so i think that's what it was
i don't have to look it up so isn't it
just
i mean it's this witchcraft [ __ ] just
for rich filthy rich people
right
no the the people i watch on spirit
cooking are not like extremely wealthy
people
huh i thought it was a bunch of
politicians that just do this [ __ ]
and hollywood people no no
yeah i still don't know what the [ __ ]
you're talking about yeah i i don't know
what spirit cooking even is it's
just a term like okay let's look at up
on uh wikipedia then
it's spiritual it's just so it's so much
here i don't even know where i'd start
to explain it i'm looking it up right
now and i just i don't even know where
i'd [ __ ] start
yeah her name is
as a serbian conceptual performance
artist
sierra where the [ __ ] is the spirit
cooking
career can we just make up our own idea
of spirit cooking and go from there
no no you don't want to get cursed
abramovic worked with jacob samuel to
produce a cookbook of aphrodisiac
recipes called spirit cooking
in 1996 these recipes were meant to be
evocative instructions for actions or
for thoughts for example one of the
recipes
calls for 13 000 grams of jealousy
while another says to mix fresh breast
milk with
fresh sperm milk the work is inspired by
the
sperm milk sperm i guess the work was
inspired by the reading of this it just
seems
it just seems like a poetry book
it's cringe so it's a cookbook the word
wacky ingredients whether or not it's
[ __ ] or or whatever
i i'm reading over the actual like
recipe list
it literally just seems like a
collection of poems called spirit
cooking
it's about it where the [ __ ] would you
even get sperm milk in this day and age
hmm
the milkman
the the last line of uh spirit cooking
here on this page i pulled up is fresh
morning urine
sprinkle over nightmare dreams
that's a very powerful one i like i like
how she's going to specify that the
dreams were nightmares instead of just
saying nightmares
but they're nice it's a bit too late for
that right like
i imagine you really know after you wake
up i imagine
what the recipe would instruct you to do
is after having a nightmare you piss
yourself
yeah fresh morning yeah it's just
natural
the rarest of what is what is the result
though andrew what does that make like a
pie or something
uh it just says spirit cooking and then
it lists a bunch of ingredients
like the the ones kaya said and then uh
wash your bed sheets with lemon juice
and cover your pillow with sage leaves
okay i think i think it's just poetry
that people are taking literal
it reads like it i mean like to be fair
if i wrote a [ __ ] book like this and
rich people started paying me but lots
of money to show up at their house and
cook with
[ __ ] 10 grams of jealousy and seven
grams of my comp
fine sure two thousand bucks please
enjoy yours really different to the
bible
tipped you're really on an
anti-christianity thing today jackson
yeah jackson jesus
didn't realize we had so many christians
in here the world's most popular
religion yeah we probably have a good
handful of christians in here jackson
surprises you i mean if we have witches
i'm just too enlightened
i'm too enlightened i'm on the path of
the witch
how about kanye hey what's that what
was that goofball up to
i think he's still struggling with some
mental health issues jackson
[Music]
yeah uh what about elon musk i saw him
in the news as well well hang on we're
gonna ignore the fact
that kanye tweeted out that he wants to
jack off to joe biden
wait did he really tweet that yeah kanye
west tweeted out that he wants to
jack off to joe biden to completion
pretty sure that was just a photoshop
screenshot man really andrew you're
you're believing whatever you see on
twitter yeah
justin wang retweeted that right that's
where you saw it that's just a picture
that's a [ __ ] shot
that's fake [ __ ] i thought with all the
[ __ ] going on he totally posted that
how many people did you tell all of them
this is how it spreads this is how joe
biden's gonna get a reputation for
getting hand jobs
oh yeah and then yeah now now he's gonna
get their reputation
all of a sudden the only shocker here is
that kanye is not a child
jesus
big moves from kaya
i did see what he did actually tweet out
though andrew if you're curious it's
like he's like i
i don't remember exactly verbatim but
he's like yeah i'm thinking about
divorcing kim for a long time
i just think i want to divorce her i
think it's time yeah she cheated on me
[Laughter]
she she [ __ ] a dj three years ago
that's what he said
that's what he tweeted and then he
retracted it i believe
he was like okay this is clearly like a
manic episode he's like this was a bad
idea i'm sorry guys
kim i'm sorry for this wait terrible i'm
getting the mixture
which one is the one who's a cuckold and
there's now photos and memes of him just
crying constantly
will oh yeah oh yeah
yeah poor [ __ ] he's not a cuckold though
he didn't want he didn't want that to
happen
i don't know why he [ __ ] just all i
know is that he's somehow fine with it
yet you can see him dying inside so
i guess technically not a cuckold but
i'm enjoying the meetings why would you
want an open marriage with will smith
anyway
you already have the like the cream of
the crop yeah but he's not a twenty
one that's just being selfish wasn't she
[ __ ] his
her daughter's friend or something
jaden's friend
yeah oh okay so her son's friend
yeah but you know in every interview he
looks like he just cried as our eyes out
for 40 minutes in the shower
yeah i wouldn't be surprised they were
together and have three kids
together for a long time like [ __ ] he
invested in her
yeah and she seems like she just did it
because she was like whatever
i was bored [ __ ] it who who even is she
is she an actress or anything
yeah she's acted she's got a band she
yeah she did a bunch of her own
like will was she famous before will
that's a good question i'm really not
sure
i don't think so i mean it doesn't
necessarily matter i'm just
curious why she would uh
like put herself in harm's way of like
getting a divorce from will smith the
will smith while she's big enough that
she could do
something on her own jackson's
threatening her
you better look how jaded smith you're
on my way
if you're married to will smith and
you're like a dream couple or whatever
you have a pretty
pretty good yeah apparently so why would
you want to risk
jeopardizing that jackson you got to
remember you don't see
every point of it you have no idea how
good their marriage was or their
relationship or anything
i feel like we've seen more than most
relationships at the moment
if they're posting about cucking each
other on twitter yeah but even then you
don't see
every angle or every everything i mean
what do you need to see
none of what you're seeing it's real
it's all manufactured
you could you could have let's let's
take [ __ ] will smith's pain on that
face look
manufactured that's pretty real to me
but think about it
every every single celebrity
relationship
ever is completely manufactured by
publicists and wanting to look
good even when it's bad for the most
part not just celebrity relationships
well a lot of them but
my whole point is that you could have
two people in a celebrity relationship
and
all you ever see is all the expensive
vacations they do in weddings and the
cool
[ __ ] with their kids and all the fun
projects they're doing and oh look
they're going to the red carpet they're
so happy and they could be [ __ ]
miserable and despise each other and you
would never know
so you're just saying will smith let us
in on the secret yeah well smith's the
first actor to tear down this wall
let us into his world yeah perfect so
the funny thing is apparently jada has a
tv show where she gives out
dating advice me and all her husbands
non-stop crying on [ __ ] tick-tock and
whatever the hell the other one is the
periscopes and just crying like a [ __ ]
about how she's sleeping around
why doesn't he just sleep he could get
literally anyone what does he do
he he did and he does and that same
thing he's like i'm going to get you
back she's like you've done that a lot
you're like yeah i have the [ __ ]
we don't know the extent of what he gets
her back maybe him getting her back is
like he puts a spider in her corn flakes
and she's like ah you got
me a whoopee cushion under them [ __ ]
yeah a little wonky cushion
he puts he puts a bucket of water on top
of her door frame when she walks in
so it falls on her i'm not gonna get the
bull heart this time
ha gotcha do you guys think maybe gemini
man was the catalyst here and you know
jada saw will smith in his 20s and she
got horny for that again
she was like yeah i want a 20 year old
again you looked good back there she
said if you have three
box office bombs i'm gonna [ __ ] someone
else she had a little bingo card
yeah it's part of the marriage
[Laughter]
he doesn't look happy in that picture i
haven't looked into this but he doesn't
look happy in that picture
but by what charlie said it just sounds
like an open marriage
like a consensual pretty sure it was it
always has been i remember a while back
he was like [ __ ] around with margot
robbie
then who the [ __ ] is well he cares he's
upset
he can't just say yes to an open
marriage and then in 10 years turn
around and make his wife look bad
no she did it to herself to be fair she
brought him onto her show to talk about
how she cheated or
[ __ ] jaden's friend yeah it's not
cheating if it's not for marriage
i agree it's literally what he signed up
for and what they agreed to
from the look of everything apparently
he's blocking people on instagram now
somebody commented on something
saying okay don't get entangled and his
replies
hahaha okay i can admit it that's funny
i'm definitely gonna block you but the
joke was very funny
that is very sad will smith always
struck me as a nice
guy setting aside scientology [ __ ]
is he gonna become the next uh is he
gonna become the next eddie murphy
where it's just like a string of bombs
and [ __ ] just
totally makes him sink downward in his
career
uh i'm looking at his recent movies and
the answer is yes
have you guys seen gemiini man yeah yeah
no i don't know
i watched it yeah it wasn't great
uh suicide squad aladdin gemini man
what the [ __ ] gives a [ __ ] about it
aladdin was successful though wasn't it
latin wasn't bad it was okay yeah but i
mean numbers-wise i think yeah aladdin
made a billion dollars that movie was
here i liked aladdin
i thought it was fun
i mean every disney remake makes a
billion we talked about this before on
the show though that like even if those
movies are [ __ ]
every disney remake makes at least like
a billion dollars it's every disney
movie it's not just remakes it's just
disney yeah yeah they know what they're
doing
what what were will smith's good movies
there was like oh a million he's been in
so many good movies man he really has
yeah why can't i think of any off the
top of my head
that's why i i don't think i am legend
was wild wild west
depending on your sense of irony
independence dialect yeah yeah
it's been a bunch of good ideas so
hancock
pursuit of happening this is just a good
one
then oh i wrote my robot oh yeah that
was great when it came out
my robot was great that was uh
my robot was also during the cusp of
shia labeouf when people still loved him
before he was crazy he was in that
yeah he was he was uh his like
friend who was like a street kid do you
think j
j uh will's wife [ __ ] sh uh shia
shiloh she what i can't get the nature
back
what's what's her and his name he just
started scatting right there
do you think he's fred [ __ ] his wife
and then that's what caused shyla to go
[Music]
crazy
what is it say it again shia labeouf are
you having shot
yet you're making it harder than it is
it's just shaya
it's like a shaya yeah
shia labeouf i've said his name a
million times it's just on the spot
i love shia labeouf what's he up to he's
still doing status art installations
where he's crying in a paper bag
is that i love his art installations man
i know they're super goofy and laughable
but
all these little art projects he's done
i actually love them i think they're
great
oh wait didn't they drive him close to
suicide because people
kept finding a stupid flag it was like
we all resist
something no so so the the we will he
will not divide us
saga is a [ __ ] the world's greatest
game of hide and seek
so shia labeouf i don't remember if we
talked about this before
but he had an art installation
protesting trump and he held up a fl
like put up a flag that said he will not
divide us and he put it on like a
24-hour live stream
but then some guy from the internet went
took it down
and replaced it with like an internet
meme flag so then he moved it to a new
location
and they found it again and then he
moved it to a like more remote location
and they found it again
and eventually he moved it to like a
[ __ ] desert
and the way that they tracked it down
again is they looked at the shadows of
planes passing overhead and routed them
and then were able to track it down
again
in the middle of [ __ ] nowhere and
replace it
i missed when the internet was smart
like that bro now it's all like fun
that's yeah i like that it's not
harmless shia labeouf hated it but yeah
that's obvious to me i love that [ __ ]
though like i i really do love his art
installations i think that his
performance art is the could cut
is the the good kind of like yeah it's
pretentious but it's funny
like at least he's not firing at him
with it
yeah but that's that's part of the point
like do you guys remember when he
invited he was part of the point from
his position no
it was because later he did the uh he
did the one where he
watched every single movie he ever made
and he let anyone into the theater to
watch it with him
that was part of the point people got to
participate he might have gotten mad
but that was part of the whole point
yeah i i loved it i think what he was
doing was just goofy goofy stupid fun
[ __ ]
i'm a fan shy if you're listening invite
me to your uh
performance pieces i'll do stuff i just
want him to go back to transformers
i just want transformers to start making
movies really
they're just too short that's the only
issue with transformers these days
whatever happened to the like the decent
sized transformer movie
i don't even know what you're saying
what
before to be longer before all the big
blockbuster transformers movies i
believe the only one before that was the
anime movie
isn't that it was that by any chance
longer than the current ones
because then i would have a point
i don't know
it was uh let's see
it was an hour and a half jackson oh it
was shorter than
every other big blockbuster transformers
movie
yeah i'm also confused because to me
whenever i
have tried to check them out i've also
just they're three hours man
i don't know who how the [ __ ] they watch
them
three hours too short other than wasn't
there one where uh
wasn't there one where the moon was a
transformer
i don't believe them yeah i don't think
the moon was a transformer no yeah
that's just where the transformers
crashed right yeah yeah yeah
yeah they were in the dark side of the
moon yeah
and uh buzz aldrin and stuff came across
them but then we
were sworn to secrecy they weren't in it
though right buzz aldrin didn't make his
acting debut
not sure you guys remember when someone
tried to
fight buzz aldrin and buzz aldrin like
uh gave him like a fat haymaker
no oh yeah no no no one was trying to
fight him i think
some dude was just a conspiracy theorist
was following him around and
uh saying like hey why are you lying
about the moon landing man why aren't
you telling people the truth that you've
never landed and i think buzz just lost
this call
yeah one moment yeah yeah he
he was just standing like right in his
face and he was saying all that [ __ ] and
he
the final straw was he goes you're a
coward and a liar
and then like before you can get out the
next one buzz just cold clocked him in
the [ __ ] face
see i don't like that that's an immature
way of dealing with it he should have
put him on a space rocket straight to
the moon
oh yeah you don't believe in the moon
let's go
yeah the diplomatic response and then
that guy could have told all his friends
yeah he would these [ __ ] people
jackson they could literally be sent to
the moon and still
deny it there's no cgi there's literally
no convincing these
actual [ __ ] lunatics
it's not possible there's nothing you
can do to make somebody believe anymore
because everyone has they feel like the
only way of proving it to them is by
putting them on the moon no
that wouldn't be enough they'd be like
this isn't the moon
you've lied to me this is not the
destination i'm somewhere out in nevada
on a green screen set and you've drugged
me and they would never believe it
that's literally what they would say
that's true
charlie's absolutely right which is
funny because those same people i betcha
they also believe in [ __ ] ufo
abductions and you know when they have
diarrhea their [ __ ] hurts the next
day they probably think they were
abducted in their sleep
[ __ ] idiots like like a claw game
picked him up by the anus again that's
my gripe though that's why it triggers
me so much when these
you know some of these dummies think
they're smart for not believing in some
things
uh you know like jesus but then they
still pray to the moon
and do these dumb little wicked rituals
it's like okay you dummy yeah
you think the [ __ ] earth is flat
because you don't believe the evidence
but you believe
in spirits they're all wrong with you
how boring are you proud of me i don't
believe in anything
well that's all right big man whoa
yeah don't have to go that far believe
in something man believe in yourself
don't do watching inspiring
yeah believe in anime
kaia i will let you choose right now my
spirituality
what do you want me to believe in a new
painting let's start up a patreon reward
choose jackson's religion
i will commit my life to whatever
religion you choose you can
you can add a patreon uh poll if you
want to choose my religion and i will
i will commit one hundred percent to
that religion from that
official not an official but simply by a
show of hands in the comments what
should jackson's religion be
and the most comments i guess we'll just
uh pick that up
for you every everywhere this sub this
uh
podcast reaches like our patreon the
youtube comments wherever
what should jackson's religion be do we
get to say fury is not a goddamn
religion goddammit that's not
immediately most people want jackson to
be a furry
it has to be an actual religion
that i can yeah i agree i can practice
yeah i i agree
it has to be a spiritual belief jackson
will he commit to
reading the first chapter of whatever
holy book
it ends up being yes i will review it
that can be the first chapter of our
book club
yeah that doesn't sound at all offensive
possibly
probably the religion or the religious
people involved with that
belief nah that'll be fine they can suck
it up
anyway i'm excited to start my new
chapter of my life
whatever religion you guys choose for me
i mean that's kind of interesting though
no one else can say that they've had
religion chosen for them by the internet
i'm sure a lot of people could say that
are you [ __ ] the majority of people
can say that
yeah well yeah but they don't realize
that's like unintentional i'm actually
putting out the offer
yeah i mean is that wrong when people
start believing things like the moon and
[ __ ] they think it's their own unique
beliefs that weren't
like they're kind of manipulated into
into believing it
oh wow jediism is a religion
oh yeah that's one we could do yeah you
do your job um there is no emotion
as a jedi each week hang on in jackson
these are your commandments
there is no ignorance which is extremely
sad
well if you're so knowledgeable on the
codes can you enlighten us i'd like to
know them
yeah let's check some recite them for
memory since he's already practiced this
documentary
i don't i no i don't remember them from
memory but i have
definitely read them before they're in
games there is no passion there is
serenity there is no chaos there is
harmony oh so deep
gee how'd they ever get get the [ __ ]
come up with these
killing bad read the sith code the sith
code's good
it's like through uh passion my chains
are unbroken
i want to do that the sith code this is
the lamest [ __ ] when did they add these
codes
they've been around forever when people
started actually worshiping star wars
would be my guess
no no i don't think well i don't know
it's the internet people probably
through follow the code through victory
my chains are broken
the chains the chains are the easy part
it's what goes
on in here that's hard
it sounds like a shitty commandment
jackson
that wasn't part of i only heard the
first part that's darth maul reciting
part of the sith code through victory my
chains are
darth broken said [ __ ] did he even speak
in the movies i thought darth maul never
said anything
how many times do i have to [ __ ] say
the star wars universe is more than the
movies
is it though yes what is this name
jesus
was mantra that expressed the core
beliefs of the sith
it was an inversion of the jedi code wow
that really put a lot of thought into
this jackson whoever wrote this [ __ ]
yeah the set of the lie there's only
passion
okay yeah okay i see the actual code
here peace is a lie there is only
passion
through passion i gain strength through
strength i gain power
through power i gain victory through
victory my chains are broken
the force shall free me
that's way cooler than the gym that is a
lot cooler than the jedi yeah speaking
of darth maul though did you guys see
that the actor who played darth maul
posted a video of himself getting a blow
job on instagram
cool was he in full mole makeup no
unfortunately not it's just a dick and a
mouth but it was his instagram so how do
you know
yeah maybe he just really liked that
no it was no it was him filming himself
getting a [ __ ]
i don't know if it's canon by george
lucas's standard but it was darth maul's
actor
it's part of the expansion of the
universe was the woman ray or
any other star wars character that we
would know or actress
no [ __ ] idea i i have no idea who she
was jackson i haven't researched her all
i know is that the guy who played darth
maul got his dick sucked and posted
about it
one way of making your cinematic debut
again
i found one jackson it's um the church
of euthanasia
this sounds like the saddest their only
commandment
thou shalt not procreate uh this
religion come protest
encourages believers to engage in
suicide abortion and non-procreative
sexual acts to actively reduce the
number of humans in the future
we still in star wars i'm down with that
no no this this is that one
real life these are the cringe lords who
are like
you know the the the [ __ ] low iq
galaxy brain thanos you know well if you
only could kill half of humanity that'll
be utopia
you want to be one of them jackson
i mean i don't really have a choice at
the end of the day i don't want to sway
the votes
fair enough you know what i mean like
don't want to rig it whatever whatever
the audience wants i'm happy
i'm happy to be your spiritual
mouthpiece audience
do you think possibly we could create a
religion
in which we are like the popes of said
religion it can't be that hard to start
a religion these days i don't think it
would yeah that's that's a cult
we're full circle now see what is the
difference between a cult and a religion
then
oh god like at what point does something
become a religion i know i'm serious
at what point does this be honest
yeah no i'm serious though
like i i don't get how like i said well
which is a cult
what's the terminology here i think
cults are just tightly
they're smaller and more tightly knit
where most people still know each other
rather than a religion which can be all
global and very vast numbers
so is there some kind of like legal
clarification that makes religions a
religion like do they get tax
offsets is that what makes it a religion
something that makes it a religion but
that they do get
tax breaks so a goal a cult is defined
as a social group that has unusual
religious spiritual or philosophical
beliefs
or by its common interest in a
particular personality object or
goal so really a cult is just by label
if if we as society decided to say hey
christianity is now a cult
it is it's just how it works i'm pretty
sure
just for the most part people use it as
a derogatory word
for religion pretty much it's not like
any culture calls themselves a cult it
is a
it is a negative word
but i think one of the like hallmarks of
a cult is um
you know when you join you have to cut
out everybody else in your life they
tell you to
get rid of all of your social circle all
of the help
you could have otherwise had that sort
of stuff which religion generally
doesn't
do i guess
i think that for a cult the idea
is more so i think really the only
difference is
cult is negative leaning in the group
aspect whereas
like religion is positive so for the
most part
you know if you get to the nitty-gritty
people are like yeah religion
bad and i hate god and this and that but
for the most part you know
religion is just the thing that is or
people like or it's a good thing or hey
yeah
it's there but cults are always
associated with ooh
that's bad that don't do that that's
really radical and extreme
you know it's just kind of a label for
it
i don't know
oh shout out to colt we all do
it would be a fun social experiment i'm
surprised no one has ever done this
where they actually start a cult and
that they keep it going for like a year
and then at the end of that year
they finally admit you're all a bunch of
idiots this was a social experiment
look at that bush it's actually a camera
wave
you're on tv dummy that would be fun so
there's only one bush with a
episode of practical jokers but it's a
[ __ ] cult and they run it for a year
yeah i just like caught them yeah i'm
sure someone has done that before
this wasn't very popular most most of
the time it's not done for um
yeah it's not done for fame or publicity
or content it's they take all their
[ __ ] money for a few years and then
just bail
and leave
so well i wonder if anyone if we did
start a call what do you think we'd make
it around
[Music]
i think we'd have to do it around like
sacred rocks or something
that's an easy one people love rocks
that already exists though those are
like the emeralds and gems people where
they're like
this healing crystal those aren't cults
though there's no like
religious uh [ __ ] attributed to it
ours would be like completely centered
around rocks if i was actually trying to
help people
i i take the like the sabbath from the
jews or the
whatever the amish people are doing were
you know like the jews have sabbath i
guess and they
for a day they don't use technology they
don't check their phones or whatever go
on social media like have that but like
i don't know four days out of a week i
feel like the mental health
and that cult would be stellar if people
just did that [ __ ] less and you know
but oh dear leader what's that your
commandments
you know i'm just gonna say i don't know
go in the yard and
plant some flowers sit in a hammock read
a book
he's enlightened oh the divine kaya
so mote it be go i don't [ __ ] know go
have a drink have sex with your wife
just don't go on twitter that's my
commandments it's haram twitter's haram
that's my religion it'd be like a really
beneficial religion
yeah it really would be sounds good
maybe you should be a cult leader
yeah i'd join you called kaya i can't
even join my cult
i [ __ ] need to uninstall these
goddamn apps
it's so impossible to not check twitter
you
feel like you're not involved in the
world
it is you have this fear of missing out
it's terrible and then
you know the first thing you do when i
guess all of us do these days is
you wake up and you check twitter and
you immediately you regret it
immediately just puts me in a [ __ ]
foul [ __ ] mood but for some reason
that's why i go on there
it's like oh let's see what's gonna make
me angry today
tell me
yeah well what can you do called thanks
twitter
we need to protest outside of twitter
headquarters to get them to shut the app
down can you imagine if like zuckerberg
or jack was just like wow this
this thing just [ __ ] sucks like this
is just a bad thing i'm shutting down
yeah we're taking it down
maybe maybe heroes they'd be actual
heroes
how do you think the world would react
if all social media went dark overnight
i don't care how they react their heads
on fire that
that that they would protest oh my god
isn't it kind of scary to isn't it kind
of scary to think about
how many people would absolutely lose
their [ __ ] minds
if just like facebook and twitter and
all of those websites
you just have to see it because the
sights are gone
no you wouldn't they'd be invisible it's
not like half these people would [ __ ]
leave their house are you kidding me
it's like something that's a traditional
[ __ ] poster on twitter's not going
outside
you know that a bunch of youtubers
instagram influencers would immediately
they would take their phone and like try
to make the suicide baiting
sad [ __ ] video about how they're
about to kill themselves because their
two million follower instagram got
deleted but
where would they ever post it they would
have no choice but to go for a walk
then they'd become a healthy member of
society i just really think facebook and
twitter needs to go man
but then uh something else
that's what everyone says about when
something else will pop up that wouldn't
happen
everyone would be so fragmented they
would have so many options and
everything will get so split off
there just wouldn't be a replacement not
like that we'd have at least a
one year respite before the next
platform
builds up at least yeah
so then we just need to keep doing that
how does that even happen though
like it just i it won't happen because
it's a corporation that makes money the
funny thing is
even when they try to make these
platforms less
terrible and less uh bad for your mental
health and less toxic it always they
do it in the worst way where they just
make it worse like when twitter
introduced that thing where you can hide
mean replies to your tweet and so now
when you open a tweet
yeah it [ __ ] highlights them it's
like hey you want to see the mean tweets
by the way the the author
hid all of these tweets over here it's
like it gives you a gigantic pop-up
telling you where to find the mean [ __ ]
that's like the first thing it's
literally the first thing i clicked to
see what the [ __ ] that author was scared
of
yeah the more you hide it the more
prevalent it becomes
shut up charlie thank you
uh there was something that happened
very recently with uh [ __ ] who was it
elon musk this i think it was yesterday
it looked like a very public
argument with his with his wife
girlfriend that sounds cool
wait you didn't say it did she cheat on
him
and then all right so now you're like
let me let me set the stage so elon musk
tweeted out
uh a tweet saying pronouns suck
and then it was like an angry face or
something and she re like he got [ __ ]
for it from the twitter
escape a lot a lot of like people were
angry about it
whatever and then she grimes i believe
her name is
um she replied keep in mind that she
just gave birth to his child right like
a few months ago yeah actually
441 or whatever yeah she replied saying
elon i love you but please turn off your
phone or give me a call i cannot support
hate please stop this i know this isn't
your heart
so it seems like uh
why why does this do this every time
they do this it seems like the most
disingenuous publicity stunt do you have
his [ __ ] phone number column
if my if i saw my girlfriend post
something embarrassing on social media i
wouldn't do it in a reply
right just go in the room he's next room
to you you'll probably have a butler
just send him as a messenger don't be an
[ __ ] and embarrass him in public
i i so are they do you think they'll
break
break up over i guess i'm too invested
at all
i doubt it i'm gonna say
yes no you're gonna say yes yeah just
for the sake of keeping it interesting
yeah i think that's the next thing
that's gonna happen in 2020
like that kid's stolen that's the two
splitting up if he doesn't have elon
musk to back him
with a name like that that guy's [ __ ]
honestly the thing is i was surprised
that to learn that elon had like
six other children already and i don't
know if that's a gamble i'd ever take to
have another child with a man who
apparently just humps and dumps a bunch
of women
he has like six he has like six children
from six different women i don't want
what compelled this
grimes lady to think that she's none of
them enough until age
yeah yeah does it fly for women i mean
do you really don't you have to be some
sort of a dummy to
date a guy who who has like a dozen
other kids and wives and
for him to tell you no no this time it's
different you are special
you're not like them i'm never going to
be with you if he was working at
mcdonald's i'd have a problem with it
this is a billionaire
i don't i don't think i would care so
i would say yes mr mr musk inseminate me
[Laughter]
let me be a part of your life for the
rest of my life at least everyone says
that but i don't think grimes gets like
any money or anything out of it besides
just being able to live
with elon musk i don't think she's
getting like a ton of money or anything
plus it's not as if she's it's not as
if she depends on him she's filthy rich
herself she's a famous singer yeah she's
already rich
yeah i don't think she was that famous
before oh [ __ ] yeah
she was yeah he's huge
i lean away from the game awards jeff
keeley introduced me to her
jeff keeley made her career
is she the child is actually jeffs
that's when jeff named the kid and elon
just goes along with it he named it
after like the beta code for halo 2.
it really does feel like they just
scanned the [ __ ] qr code to name that
little bastard
poor thing
i mean does he have a real name or is it
actually eight what's his real name
i'll look that up
oh that's cool anyway thank you for
listening to this week's episode
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that's all for this week thanks everyone
thank you bye
bye bye bye