okay so there's this stupid but
hilarious trend on youtube popularized
by the channel parashockx
it's called basically if a thing happens
the video ends i just can't stop
watching them
so i decided it's about time i made my
own if i get a coin in mario
the video ends except for my challenge
i decided to do it for 16 main series
mario games
all competing against each other at the
same time
let's talk about it
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alright let's avoid some coins for as
long as we can here's the ground rules
i decided to record a playthrough of
almost every single main series mario
platformer
16 in total i tried to pick games that
were similar in play style while
spanning as many different consoles as i
could
i'm going to jump between video feeds
all playing at the same time
with a universal timer running in the
corner if i touch a coin
that video feed ends and we add it here
to the mario graveyard
anything that is a coin regular coin red
coin blue coin big
coin that ends the run star bits are
um those are okay i guess i also decided
the game overs were okay
only a coin can end an individual run in
order to give the games a comparable
time to each other
i also decided to cut any cutscenes
longer than a few seconds away from any
of the game's total time
also if nothing exciting or important is
happening on any of the screens
i might have to fast forward a bit to
keep things interesting in general
no sitting around was allowed i had to
make a reasonable attempt to move
forward in each game at all times
and finally no practice was allowed for
any of these games
no looking up stages no testing game
mechanics and certainly no nico bbq
coinless tutorials
i am going to be bad and hopefully
constantly surprised oh you hear that
it looks like the contestants are lining
up to start which run do you think will
go the longest which one do you think
will be the most unfair
only time will tell no coins allowed
starting in three
two one go all right let's do it
super mario bros just legit
the best classic mario game double blown
up
like unlike the other old 2d games
oh look how disgusting this mario looks
um i'm playing it on the wii u virtual
console like the ds
i'm sure we'll find something where it's
like okay that's obviously it
but i do remember there being the uh the
infamous poison mushrooms in this as
well okay like this this has got to be a
mom
let me at least get through the first
hurdle right
[Music]
okay oh my god i uh
[Music]
there's no way right
[Music]
there's got to be a lot of ways to just
avoid coins right
like there's just so much open space
right when you think you're good you
might not be good
[Music]
watch out for the dancing coins let's
just avoid this all together we don't
need that
i don't need that some extra moons here
there
it's gonna be weird it's gonna be super
weird every enemy has coins
also fun fact this is the only mario
game that i have submitted
an official ooh okay uh an official
speed run for
once upon a time
oh boy uh read the google um but the
bonus dino coins
are absolutely going to be one
oh no what okay
do those disappear over time if you hit
something with a fire flower it turns
into a coin in this game
and as far as i understand
the the coin never disappears
oh boy oh
no can i i can't go over the dino coin
oh no maybe i can jump off of this guy
see that's the that is a crater oh
oh no is there a way in
that does not touch coins
i don't know if that counts as a crater
actually
we'll save that for last let's go over
here oh
side scroller okay all right
oh no oh boy oh my god
coins
no okay thank god some get i don't know
man some games you touched the flagpole
and it turns out it was coins so
no okay we need like
i don't think i can get enough
horizontal momentum after the first jump
[Music]
this would be the greatest jump of all
time
i mean there he is again same deal right
just
have the wii u right oh my god that was
cl i should not have hit both blocks
there like that could have
very easily had a coin in it
i need to pay attention go brain okay
little jump big jump
don't jump again whatever the hell that
was
oh boy okay
all right oh god uh one of these is a
mushroom and i just don't know
[Applause]
[Music]
all right i mean i hear a rabbit here i
go
no coins i swear to god
there's just gonna be money everywhere
legally don't trust it don't trust it
don't trust it don't trust it don't
trust it i
i trust nothing don't hit the flag
no trust no trust
[Music]
going down going up
[Music]
all right we gotta think with portals i
think i can backflip
over this coin
yes yes
okay no coins we're good we're good
zero
zero don't hit that there's
oh dub i'm honestly floored
at how i have not been able to collect a
coin in this so far
the game that gives you coins everywhere
no no coin i'd rather die
no mario make some of these hits
like does this give me actually a better
hitbox i mean basically if i'm not doing
crouch jumps right
maybe this is what i want if i'm not
squirrel mario
oh god that is such a tough jump
no i thought i had it okay come on
yes no
[Music]
dude how sick would it be if the game
built around coins was the one that i
ended up playing the long this oh
without touching a coin
i just feel like that would be the
ultimate flex no
arrow it's a sign from satan himself
i actually wonder if they
okay there are coins on the slide i'm
not going to mess with that
don't try if this challenge goes like
hit all the coins i'm dead
oh god he can break the coins open
warning he can break the coins will they
disappear
uh yes they'll disappear
i guess they really wanted to make sure
that you understood the one mechanic of
aiming and spraying
still though that's pretty annoying this
is the third time i've bought this guy
um man
can i go over it safely probably
i think i can go over it this is this is
the new mario games mario's got some
serious hang time
yeah no we can go over no problem
all right we got some room there ooh
another
yes let's go
i may have broken open a coin uh
oh he's gone oh i i thought there would
have been three cycles in that only two
oh my god i got an actual star is that
what you're telling me
i don't think i broke open a coin still
no coins
i actually got one i got one
[Music]
that is one more star than we got in
mario galaxy one
some levels that you have to do
that have red coins in them like
i will do everything in my power to
avoid
as many of those stages as i can
i don't think i'm going to survive long
enough to make that decision
i am so bad at my favorite video game
okay yeah this is no this is doable
just don't shoot to the top of the tree
god the stick fidelity is not what i
want it to be
let me tell you oh my god
oh boy ugh i can't center the tree to
save my life
okay there we go i almost shot under
that was close
oh my god those turned into coins oh but
i didn't collect them
wow
i almost want to just die and reset i
don't
god why'd i have to go and do that
palms sweaty mother's
pasta oh no
played classic mario in a while but you
like enjoy modern mario games come back
and play this game
the jump physics are so wack they may
even be different
like if you go back and play um mario
maker
nes mario versus this
it's just so whack all right
all right finally uh yep things and
things are starting to get spicy
okay
okay all right okay
i get to see a boss i actually made it
to a boss without going to get coin
in money game in money game now
there's no way we don't throw this right
do i have to collect coins to hit him
from below
[Music]
i feel like i would never play a classic
nes mario stage
on mario maker if it felt like this it
just feels awful
i feel like they're going to force me to
grab a coin on one of these flippies
i really hope not
[Music]
what is that we're shadow
the difficulty curve is all over the
place for sunshine there's some levels
that are just
insane and some levels that are just
completely free
i forgot about that oh my god no
i finally did it and then i don't do it
well here's how i'm going to survive the
longest in mario 64 is just by being
incompetent
for an extremely long period of time
i am so bad
no coin no coin boom
another star in the bank
let's go oh little extra little extra
work
okay
okay we're good we even got it with
yoshi go
home oh god
dude i forgot how complex the very first
floodless level is look at this
i thought this was like one of the later
ones whoa
are these just all random patterns do
they follow like a set
oh my god i'm an idiot ah
completely humiliating okay
go go go go go go go go go go go go go
all right we're safe we're safe
oh my god that was close all right we're
good
[Music]
hey no coins though well let me get out
of here
no coin no coin look at that
surrounding me i've got that going for
me
five fails six fails maybe oh how about
a seven fail okay so we want to start
from here
a
[Music]
seventh time's a charm for star number
seven boom
owned oh my god wrecked let's go
is this the end of the level there's no
way this okay oh
no not again okay this one i can at
least rise up
and then once he's up oh
oh i thought we had it no uh
we're we're good so far i thought we had
it i thought that was clean
[Music]
the game said no not please he can't get
not in time he tried to hit me he
couldn't give me in time
we cheesed it i mean like i am following
the
coins
i don't need to touch them you know we
can hang out side by side we can
co-exist
because our love is forbidden
oh shoot oh i used to remember a speed
running way to get up here
do i dare try it
oh i don't know you could like go under
it and hover up
every time i've tried a remotely speed
runny thing
i have just been regularly embarrassing
myself
okay yeah the back flip is kind of a bad
idea because you don't grab ledge but
okay that was disgusting give me this
guy
ten double digits
let me show you guys something like
never realize that you could do this
like
doesn't that just look wrong
that's how long it lasts too like so
it's useless
sunshine may legit be the longest we go
i don't know they give you so many
options
like this hover nozzle
is like if i had the i don't know the
propeller shroom from another game
except the entire game
it just seems op oh boy oh i think we're
good
there we go nice
yeah those are so fun like
it's not i i know people make the joke
the galaxy is that
it's not exactly but if they made a game
that was entirely those it would feel
great
like the speedy movement of sunshine
because galaxy is a lot slower depth
perception is so terrible
oh wait the r camera this is something i
never used as a kid
but it's just so crucial for some of
this stuff i always forget to turn it on
oh no not like that no no no no baby
baby you get back here this
baby's going to be the death in me where
is baby
anything or not valve you step in this
you bounce
why no clue nothing about that looks
bouncy
here we are
[Music]
oh no he doesn't the whoa
okay oh boy here we go
we're really doing this
no oh god
i can't jump anymore now that i'm on my
stomach
so many coins i don't want to hit i
can't jump
i just literally cannot jump
okay
i'm an idiot
secret coin hidden coin
i call them marshmallows i mean they're
technically sand squares
all right tell me i'm not the only one
who else like
if you eat a marshmallow do you like
chew it or do you just like suck on it
until it slowly dissolves in your mouth
all right one down ah okay i lied
i sprang it with water what do you think
i'm doing bud
oh come on that was that was absolutely
a force he was
wrecked he was launched
all right
okay all right
no that's something like you really
gotta get on the tip of that don't you
that didn't count either oh my god
there we go
[Music]
he did not go very far
i heard the coin sound effect i don't
[Music]
think
do