just want to watch the Barbie movie and
it is probably the wokest film of 2023.
this movie is not just a piece of this
movie is a flaming piece of dog I don't
need to watch Barbie to know that it's
bad
so I just saw barbie and it is the most
preachy woke liberal feminist garbage I
have ever seen in my goddamn life
or was it which pill will you take
audience will you take the Shapiro pill
where you will stay in reality crying
and [ __ ] about woke Hollywood
Forever or will you take the shoe pill
where reality is anything you make it
and the Barbie movie was actually an
anti-woke masterpiece
[Applause]
as a kid I didn't really play with
Barbies I was not really a Barbie
enjoyer I liked dinosaurs I liked Hot
Wheels I liked office lamps so Barbie
doesn't really hold any special
nostalgia in my heart but I was still
very excited to see this film the
trailers to this film made it look funny
and Charming everyone was very excited
to see Ryan Gosling as Ken and every man
on Earth was ready to download his new
personality and once I saw Ben Shapiro
do a 45 minute video I knew it just had
to be good right one of the Barbies is a
trans Barbie with a voice again deeper
than my own Ben I have a deeper voice
than you everyone has a deeper voice
than you what was funny was people were
actually dunking on Ben for bringing a
notebook to the movie theater so he
could write notes while he was watching
Barbie but like I did that too let's see
what this says feet feet oh yeah there
was a lot of feet there was a lot of
feet in this movie this is literally
like hieroglyphics what is this what is
that what does it mean first of all
let's get the good things out of the way
the set was amazing and gorgeous I'm
absolutely obsessed with the Aesthetics
of the Barbie movie I love every single
outfit Margot Robbie wore the fashion
and the visuals in this movie Just
spectacular Margot Robbie did a great
job as Barbie even though according to
the internet she is mid
if you don't like Will Ferrell you
probably won't like his character in
this movie because he's playing the same
character he plays in every single movie
but I like that character so I liked him
in this movie Ryan Gosling absolutely
stole the entire movie and I genuinely
hope like he wins some kind of award for
it because that would just be delicious
irony I laughed out loud like three
times Which is less than I thought I
would but there were a lot of like funny
and cute moments that will make you go
huh the humor and the overall Vibe of
this movie reminded me a lot of
Zoolander obviously not as funny as
Zoolander but the overall Vibe was very
early 2000s comedy if you go into this
movie with the idea that this movie was
made to look like and feel like a movie
made 20 years ago it just makes a lot
more sense the movie broke the fourth
wall often it felt very self-aware or at
least appeared that way the parts of the
movie where the movie wasn't trying to
be anything deeper than what it was were
great but the parts of the movie that
tried to be something deeper were really
really bad but what if I told you that's
what makes it so good take the shoe pill
and I'll show you how deep this Barbie
hole goes
Barbie hole now before I pop off before
I put on my you know 2016 shoe on head
hat let's make one thing perfectly clear
Barbie was always about female
empowerment I was absolutely expecting a
girl Power movie like it's Barbie if you
were expecting anything else then you're
a fool but I wasn't expecting the type
of politics that were in this movie the
politics at least on like a surface
level were very
very 2014. that is like the only way
that I could describe it the most tired
lib [ __ ] corpo tumbler male tears ass it
had everything you know it had cat
calling it had mansplaining it had
patriarchy oh God did it have patriarchy
the type of [ __ ] that's like if women
were in positions of power everything
would be better and it's like the whole
military industrial complex is run by
women Italy just elected a far-right
female prime minister a [ __ ] ton of
people in our government are women
how's that all working out the film
opens up with a reference to 2001 Space
Odyssey little girls are seen playing
with baby dolls as the narrator tells us
about how before Barbie all little girls
got to pretend to be were mothers and
nothing else until a giant Barbie
appears and they smash their dolls now
keep the intro in mind because we'll get
back to that Barbie world is depicted as
what I like to call a dystopian Utopia
Barbie essentially lives in a pink hell
world every day is exactly the same
everyone is perfect they feel no pain
they do not age they have no need for
food or drinks or real showers they
party every night wake up and do it all
again the vibe is very much Stepford
Wives the neighborhood from Edward
Scissorhands and that one episode of
Black Mirror the kenz are just
completely cocked and subservient to the
Barbies they just exist in the shadow of
the Barbies just an entire subclass of
simps just like you guys Barbie world is
completely run by women president Barbie
Dr Barbie astronaut Barbie and then
there's Ken
and according to the movie Ken only has
a good day if Barbie notices him oh and
there's also trans Barbie which I didn't
even know she was trans at first they
never made it clear if she was trans
Barbie or like the actress was just
trans and she was just like a normal
Barbie I think the actress was just
trans and she was just playing a regular
Barbie which is cool and makes sense
because like
what the [ __ ] would even be the point of
transitioning if you're always going to
be stuck playing a trans character all
the puppies do all day every day is like
look pretty compliment each other give
each other Awards it all just feels very
fake and well plastic at one point the
movie makes a point about how Mattel
discontinued a pregnant Barbie and how
they just want to ignore her and pretend
she never existed don't look at her
don't look at Midge look at all the
doctors and astronauts look at all the
girl bosses look over there it was
almost like the movie was making a point
but I don't know in Barbie World Barbie
starts to have an existential crisis
because she notices she has cellulite
and flat feet and starts to have
thoughts about death she finds out this
is happening because the girl who's
playing with her in real life is sad so
she has to go to the real world and make
that girl happy so in the real world a
Barbie is immediately sexualized and
cackled and she even gets sexually
assaulted at one point But Ken coming
from a world where he didn't get any
attention and was constantly fighting
for any kind of attention was loving the
attention ask any man the last time a
stranger complimented them men remember
like every single compliment they've
ever received in their lives I know the
men watching this there's always that
one compliment that sticks out in your
mind maybe some lady complimented your
shirt or your hair and Ken is amazed
that people are realizing that he exists
so clearly the movie is highlighting the
isolation and loneliness men experience
clearly while Barbie is off to find the
girl who is playing with the doll
version of her Ken basically gets red
pilled by a right-wing little Dark Age
edit showing the glory and Triumph of
men presidents rock stars wrestlers mini
fridges and horses and then he learns
about the patriarchy oh my God is that
is that the patriarchy Ken reads all of
this feminist literature which tells him
that men are in charge of everything and
Rule everything thing and can get away
with anything and the movie itself never
really goes into anything else about
patriarchy so I guess that's what
patriarchy is so he walks into an office
and asks for a job and when the guy in
charge is like what are your credentials
do you have any experience do you have a
degree and Ken is just like well I'm a
man shouldn't that be enough so clearly
the movie was showing how ridiculous the
idea of patriarchy is clearly Ken
decides to bring patriarchy back to his
fellow Ken to free his fellow Brethren
from the long house meanwhile Barbie
meets the girl who is supposedly playing
with her she receives a lecture from the
teenage girl about how Barbie has ruined
the world and actually is fascist you
get like this full lecture right in the
middle of the film it's truly awful it
represent everything wrong with her
culture I hadn't thought about you in
years you fascist
the scene could have came right out of a
daily wire skit the little girl wasn't
being depicted as the good guy here she
was being depicted as rude and ruthless
and cruel for no reason compared to
happy bubbly Barbie the little girl is
hyper woke she calls Barbie the main
character a fascist and makes Barbie cry
there's also a scene where the little
girl says look it's that nutcase woman
referring to Barbie and then the little
girl's like oh sorry I mean reality
challenged woman which shows again
clearly the character is supposed to be
like
woke and a joke they eventually find out
it's a little girl's mom who is playing
with Barbie and the mom is depressed and
honestly every scene the little girl and
the mom was in just [ __ ] sucked like
it just became a different movie every
single time they were on screen and that
movie sucked I didn't really feel much
empathy for them it's implied they had a
strained relationship through like a
couple of flashbacks but that's about it
it wasn't done very well and like I
didn't really care about this I just
found myself wanting to see what the
Kens were up to so Ken establishes the
patriarchy and Barbie world which
basically consists of mini fridges
everywhere Sports beer he turns Barbie's
dream house into Ken's Mojo Dojo Casa
house and it looks freaking sweet the
Barbies in Ken's new established
patriarchy seem much happier than before
they're having fun drinking beers with
the Kens talking to the Ken's about
things like technology in sports and
movies as opposed to the Barbie world
where it was just like hi Barbie you
look so pretty today hi Barbie you look
so pretty today one Barbie even says out
loud that it's nice to take a break from
being a leader all the time like if they
wanted to show the patriarchy being bad
or oppressive they should have like a
scene where one of the Ken slaps one of
the Barbie's asses and the Barbie's like
ew you know much like in the real world
like what happened to Barbie in the real
world to show that Ken bought patriarchy
back from the real world but none of
that ever happened everything just
looked cool and fun clearly the movie is
saying that patriarchy is good because
if it was trying to say anything else it
failed the Barbies and Ken's are kind of
paired up in these little like
relationships like even though it was
the patriarchy even though the women
were seen bringing drinks to the Kens
everything's still revolved around the
Barbies they're playing music for them
they're playing the guitar and drums for
them they're teaching them how to play
golf they're explaining their favorite
movies to them it just came off like the
Kens were being really sweet and nice
like compared to Barbie world the Ken
takeover looked like Liberation and then
like Barbie comes to like destroy a
slave revolt the only characters who
seem to have a problem with this new
established patriarchy is the outcasted
weird Barbie and the other Outcast Alan
during Ken's takeover of Barbie land
even in the real world Ken's Dojo Mojo
Casa house playsets were like selling
off the shelves like hotcakes and he was
becoming a more popular toy than Barbie
Will Ferrell the CEO
for some reason has a problem with this
that he's like making a lot of money off
Ken because like the CEO's like no we're
supposed to be about girl power yeah
okay Mattel I think this movie suffered
a lot because like they couldn't
actually make
Mattel the villain there was no like
actual villain or threat in this whole
movie like there was never a time where
you feel like on the edge of your seat
oh no are they gonna make it like what's
gonna happen there's like none of that
but anyway the girl's mom and the girl
traveled back to Barbie land and then
like the mom pops off on this cringe-ass
Twitter thread rant about how hard it is
to be a human woman in front of the
Barbies we have to be smart but not too
smart pretty but not too pretty you have
to be thin but not too you have to be
impossible but you can't be mean okay
this human woman from Human World pops
off about how hard it is being a human
woman and it turns out in fact that not
only are you doing everything wrong but
also everything is your fault and this
like [ __ ] preachy speech about her
human woman problems apparently snaps
the Barbies out of their brainwashing
yes that's right the Barbies weren't
having fun with their Ken's they were
brainwashed by the patriarchy getting
voiced the cognitive dissonance required
to a woman under the patriarchy he
rocked it of its power the Barbies were
happy until this random woman barged in
and started telling them about how
oppressed women were and how actually
it's really hard being a woman clearly
this woman is a metaphor for college at
one point during the unbrainwashing a
Barbie snapped out of it and was like
why am I wearing this dress I would
never wear this dress and the mom is
like yeah because you're a physicist
what I couldn't help but think of like
other girl Power movies who did this
much better like Legally Blonde that
literally has the opposite message here
and this movie is like
you're smart what are you doing being
hot
hello women can do everything except
want to dress sexy and be submissive to
a man or get along with men in general
or else they'll just brainwashed by the
patriarchy clearly the movie was trying
to show us how ridiculous that is and
was making fun of that clearly so with
the new feminist program downloaded into
their brains the Barbies decide to trick
the Kens to distract them into
infighting so while they're busy
fighting they could secure the Barbie
world Constitution or and take the
government back or something so what do
they do what do they do with this new
knowledge a feminine empowerment they
use the Ken's love and devotion and
loyalty against them and trick the Kens
into thinking they are cheating on them
with other Ken's clearly showing that
women will be brainwashed by feminism to
destroy monogamy
clearly now while the Ken's are busy
infighting the Barbies get back into
power
historically how fascism takes over and
they go right back to living their girl
boss Utopia the movie just showing that
feminism is due to and not about equal
rights credit Gerwig you genius even I
wouldn't have come up with such a
brilliant movie Ken learns that he
doesn't have to rely on Barbie he could
be his own self and have his own
personality outside of Barbie basically
like he just learns to stop being a simp
but what's funny and ironic about this
movie is even though the movie is about
Barbie it's basically the Ken movie Ken
has the biggest character Arc Barbie
doesn't even really have one until like
the last second of the movie and then
she's like I don't even know who I am
and it's like where the [ __ ] did that
even come from there's no like epic
moment for the Barbies and the Ken's get
like a really fun and entertaining
musical number the clash between these
two groups on screen towards the end a
woman like lecturing US versus a bunch
of dudes dancing and bean Bros like
clearly this movie is pro-min because if
it was trying to be anything else it
failed
Barbie is the Matrix for women would you
rather live in Barbie land never age and
never get cellulite never cry and just
party all the time with your friends or
live in the real world where everything
is imperfect you age you get cellulite
and you cry
but it's real and after holding the
hands of Ruth the creator of Barbie
Barbie is overwhelmed with images of
mothers and daughters so Barbie decides
to reject the blue pill rejects the
Perfection and rejects the matriarchy
chooses to stay in the real world
chooses to stay in the patriarchy and
chooses to become human so apparently
when she's turned into a real woman she
has now grown a vagina so the first
thing that she does is she goes to the
gynecologist because ladies the
apotheosis of your being is not
motherhood we got rid of that at the
very beginning it is your vagina it is
that you go to the gynecologist the
scene in 2001 Odyssey shows man could
stop being a victim of Nature and
instead have power over nature the
little girls in the beginning show they
don't have to be a victim of the
patriarchy no longer do they have to be
confined to Motherhood to Nature they
now have power over nature and so they
smash their baby dolls in the shadow of
a towering pillar of Barbie a towering
pillar of Mattel a towering pillar of
capitalism clearly contrasted with the
ending of the movie where Barbie rejects
her capital's Utopia created by Mattel
visits a gynecologist and Embraces
nature
nah it really ain't that deep it was
just kind of a silly little movie it was
a it was a fun movie I liked it it was a
nice change from the non-stop Disney
remakes and Marvel movies it was also
nice to just see some like color on the
big screen instead of brown and gray
because everything has to be gritty and
realistic this was just very cartoony
and fun and reminded me a lot of early
2000s movies like Josie and the
Pussycats also this movie is like dead
ass a Rorschach test I heard people say
it's woke anti-woke gender abolitionist
alt-right a Turf film my boyfriend made
an entire video about how actually it's
a conservative film and how Greta
gerwick is our new Homer no I'm not
joking the discourse around this movie
is like more interesting and
entertaining than the movie but I do
recommend seeing it I mean or like
waiting until it's on
I almost said DVD it was cute you know
not every movie is going to agree with
me politically and that's okay you know
like not every movie is gonna be
I don't know Fight Club so did you see
this movie and what did you think of it
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[Music]
thank you