if I asked you what your favorite sound
was what would you immediately think of
applause to let you know that you did a
good job at something maybe your parents
telling you they're proud of you for me
my favorite sound is the sound of five
fingers meeting a face and creating this
beautiful melody this slap that echoes
throughout space and time today we're
looking at another brutal slapping
tournament this is security verse kiya
from the audience
slapping competition from the holy House
of slaps this beautiful YouTube channel
again I'm only going to show you some of
the slaps I'm not going to show you all
of them you can watch the whole thing if
you want it's important to know before
we dive into the crucible here that the
closed captions are really off the
closed captions are not even close it's
like a Chinese bootleg DVD from back in
the early 2000s I don't know what the
[ __ ] went wrong with the captions I've
never had a problem before but here it
reads like Google Translate was
overdosing on bath salts
[Applause]
I don't know what this guy did to
deserve this it wasn't exactly a
competition between these two guys this
guy just goes up there to get this slap
[ __ ] out of it the [ __ ] slapped out of
him maybe he was just an [ __ ] and was
heckling so they brought him up there to
discipline him because his parents never
did I really don't know but it's just
the montage of him getting slapped
looking straight out of JoJo's Bizarre
Adventure with the Otto Otto down here
but anyway after his cheeks get turned
to dust we get our first matchup between
these two women
it was around right here where I noticed
the subtitles got a little fishy going
with then I will kill now this type of
masturbate to me that sounds like
something you'd read on the Facebook
page where an Indian man's trying to
flirt with a woman you know show me
Bob's wagon a [ __ ] lasagna stuff and it
just didn't really seem right it didn't
seem like a joke that would have been
made at the time like this type
masturbate to me type masturbate but it
only gets worse from here so I don't
know what's gone wrong with the
translate feature but it was not working
very well so now we have the first
official slap thrown of the tournament
and it's a glancing blow a bit of a wet
fart and only a couple fingers make
contact and it all hits her neck so not
the most powerful start to this new
episode but the real star of this first
round goes to the closed captions
three times two three all you first give
urine hand on it once will try not I
could definitely see that being the
intro to a song the three times two
three all you first give urine that
sounds beautiful very melodic and she
does give the urine hand to the other
girl just not on the cheek she hits the
neck so the urine hand may have been in
full effect just wasn't aimed properly I
don't exactly know what it means maybe
this girl instead of using chalk pissed
on her hand and slapped her with it
which would explain why it was such a
glancing blow kind of just sliding off
her face either way I think that should
be an illegal technique you shouldn't be
able to use bodily fluids
[Applause]
now when it comes to sound I don't have
the golden ear like Mozart I just can't
hear things and know what notes they are
and [ __ ] like that
but when it comes to slaps I'm something
of a savant I know what a good slap
should sound like a real slap should
sound like you know if we ever start
deep faking slaps I'll have to be the
expert that goes in and tells you if
it's real or fake and in this case these
first few slaps they sound fake they
sound like stock sound effects of a slap
it's just something just something
doesn't sit right with me they don't
strike me as authentic slap audio it
sounds canned the I hear little hints of
reverb a little bit of barley in there
as well the sounds are just a bit
crunchy as if they've been recorded in a
separate circumstance and then spliced
in here maybe I'm wrong and I very well
could be and I most likely am I just
thought it was worth mentioning these
slaps are so pristine that it's giving
the impression that the audio is faked
[Music]
this guy must really hate the other girl
because he goes around and gives her
tutorial on the proper way to slap to
get the most torque and the most impact
behind the slap so he's really trying to
get a knock out here trying to really
[ __ ] this other girl's face up he must
just be like the coach of her so now
he's coming in off the sidelines calls a
timeout and then gives her another play
here
using her newly taught forbidden
slapping technique she's able to elicit
quite the response from this spectator
in the background here look at this kid
he is really into it it's like he's just
watching a car crash in front of him
that's the final slap of the round
before the bell sounds and it ends in a
draw I think right up until that last
slap this one was going to the girl with
the neck tattoo she was pretty much
dominating it for the most part right up
until that last slap which had some real
meat behind it which earns them the draw
now we move on to our heavyweight
division
oh [ __ ] you [ __ ] mouth you so weighty
of course you feel the weight that reads
like something out of Fifty Shades of
Grey
maybe I'm totally wrong and the captions
are a hundred percent accurate this is
really what they're saying here and God
that would be [ __ ] awesome feels come
on posh posh don't you launch beat the
cat poop is normal oh now that is how
you beat the cat poop yeah I bet it
smells like [ __ ] in there [ __ ]
testosterone this [ __ ] is hardcore these
are no doubt some really big blasts and
I really like the larger man's technique
where it comes straight across and hits
it and falls back a little bit with his
own momentum
it's like he's doing the old sprinkler
dance but not stopping to actually
sprink it he just goes straight through
I really like the dudes a technique and
it really pays off nicely because he has
the upper hand right now I'd say and
definitely has the upper hand hand wise
his hands are [ __ ] massive they cover
the entire other guy's face
this slap is so powerful to elicit
something a little bit more personal
here you homeless unemployed guards you
have to [ __ ] right away so he slapped
him so hard that they're about to make
some guards have sex here that's the
final slap of the round and he indeed
slapped the [ __ ] off for that guy for
sure that was a very powerful meaty
sonic boom slap and he wins the round
with that one there he ends up taking
home the whole prize but I thought it
was a pretty hard fought match on both
of their ends it's not easy to step up
in the heavyweight division like that
especially when you're on the lower end
of the heavyweight like his opponent was
and I thought he did an admirable job
now we move on to the next round of the
tournament this is the most
disrespectful slap I've ever seen in the
professional slapping sports event it is
just ridiculous he's not even going for
the cheeks he just goes right for the
neck like he's trying to slit his throat
[Applause]
that's a face that says yep I [ __ ] up
and he did he gets punished very hard
for going for his competitors neck
he just gets absolutely wallop done as
straight clubland
clobbered and they counted as a knockout
he quits right there and the other guy
takes home the title all decided with a
single slap he shouldn't have gone for a
cheap shot and in return he paid the
ultimate price because this guy really
did give him the Jazz
[Music]
these incredible big boys out here
busting cheeks busted nuts and these
incredible captions to really complement
all of it
this is just what slapping tournaments
are all about just high-octane palms to
the face no mercy relentlessness while
also talking about getting [ __ ] on
couches and [ __ ] cars or whatever the
closed captions are talking about no
doubt the slaps are big but the boys are
bigger the slaps don't really do much
damage to either one of them and in the
end they give it to the guy that is not
overly tattooed because his slaps had a
little bit more of an impact on the
other guy but not by much I thought this
was just a really close one it wasn't
the most thrilling of abouts we've seen
and it's only because they were so
iron-jawed there really wasn't a whole
lot of damage being done that you could
see but you could definitely tell that
those slaps were packing some mean power
behind him this is the biggest mismatch
in slapping history this guy looks like
a [ __ ] hit man this man looks like
he's made out of steel this looks like
the guy that Superman was based on and
he's going up against an actual school
boy now interestingly this is the
security guard from the title of the
video this is the guys security that
decided to compete and they really gave
him some cannon fodder they just gave
him a lamb to a slaughter
[Music]
[Applause]
just look at this [ __ ] look at his hair
he slaps him so hard he nearly slaps the
hair off of his head those follicles are
all kinds of confused not a single one
of this kid slaps makes his head move at
all not even an inch he just doesn't
flinch his neck muscles are so strong
you could take a sledgehammer to his
chin and nothing would happen the
sledgehammer would probably break yeah
that's about all she wrote it's
absolutely brutal what the security
guard does to this kid you know and
maybe he deserved it maybe he was
playing hooky to be there so the
security guard was just delivering
justice right in the palm of his hand
right to his [ __ ] frontal lobe it was
unbelievably powerful and he had to get
checked for a concussion too I have
expected the guy checking him for a
concussion was gonna rip off the face
mask Mission Impossible style and she's
gonna be the security guard again and
slaps him one more time
either way this was such a good slapping
competition not only cuz the slaps were
solid but I love the closed captioning I
hope they never fixed that because these
translations were [ __ ] awesome that's
it so yeah