FOX NEWS. ♪ ♪
>> Greg: ALL RIGHT.
ANOTHER GLORIOUS DAY OR NIGHT IN
NASHVILLE.
WHAT A GREAT AUDIENCE.
WE’VE HAD GREAT AUDIENCES ALL
WEEK.
FOR COMPARISON, HERE IS THE
"GUTFELD!" CROWN.
LOOK AT THAT.
ALL RIGHT.
SHUT UP!
KNOCK IT OFF!
HERE’S TO MAY’S FOR JIMMY KIMMEL
JIMMY KIMMEL.
MEANWHILE HERE’S WHAT YOU’RE
MISSING ON COLBERT BY WATCHING
"GUTFELD!"."
>> ♪ COME WITH ME AND YOU’LL
SEE IN A WORLD OF RECONCILIATION
TARSALIT’S OUR SOLE REMEDY EXCEP
PEER INTOXICATION ♪
>> Greg: THAT’S NOT A COMEDY
SHOW.
HIS SHOW IS BECOMING SO SAD, I
HAVE TO WATCH OLD YELLER TO
CHEER UP.
OUR SHOW IS DIFFERENT.
LOOK WHO WE HAVE ON TONIGHT.
EMILY COMPAGNO.
BOY, DID SHE GET INTO THE SWING
OF THINGS IN NASHVILLE.
>> THANK YOU.
OH [BLEEP]
ONLY ABOUT FIVE MORE STOPS.
LOCKING THE DOOR.
>> Greg: YOU DON’T STOP AT THE
HOTEL BAR WHEN YOU GET OFF THE
FLIGHT.
YOU GO STRAIGHT TO THE HOTEL.
KAT SURVIVED ANOTHER NIGHT ON
THE TOWN. WE HAVE A HECK OF A TIME GETTING
HER BACK INTO THE HOTEL ROOM.
THANKS FOR THE HELP.
THE BRAVEST MAN I’VE EVER SEEN.
KAT, STOP MIXING TEQUILA WITH
RED BULL.
I’M ALSO GLAD THAT YOUR FAMILY
MADE IT TO THE SHOW.
IF WE HAVE A PICTURE.
I KNEW THOSE NEW NO BAIL LAWS
WOULD FINALLY COME IN HANDY. JOE MACKEY IS HERE.
GOOD TO SEE HE MADE IT.
MY PANEL.
FINALLY THERE IS TYRUS.
HE IS HERE TONIGHT.
HERE HE IS. HERE HE IS ENJOYING A NIGHT ON
THE TOWN.
NOT GETTING THE DEPOSIT BACK.
TO THE NEWS.
THE CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL
IS AT IT AGAIN.
YESTERDAY THESE BOZOS ISSUED
URGENT HEALTH ADVISORY FOR
PREGNANT PEOPLE TO GET THE COVID
VACCINE.
IT WAS SO URGENT THEY FORGOT
THERE IS A NAME FOR WHAT KIND OF
PEOPLE GET PREGNANT.
TO THEM IT’S NOT PREGNANT WOMEN.
IT’S PREGNANT PEOPLE WHICH
INCLUDES MEN AS WELL AS WOMEN
AND PROBABLY SOME WOODLAND
CREATURES AND A BOX OF FROGS.
WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THAT
THESE ARE MEDICAL EXPERTS,
RIGHT?
JOE BIDEN IS MORE OF A DOCTOR
THAN THEM.
HOW DID HE COMPLETELY ERASED THE
BIOLOGICAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN
MEN AND WOMEN.
I HAVE DONE THAT BUT NEVER
INTENTIONALLY.
I WAS AT A PARTY.
I DIDN’T SEE THE ADAM’S APPLE.
BECAUSE OF THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE
DIFFERENCE.
THINK ABOUT THIS.
WHAT IF YOU WERE A HARD CORE
FEMINIST WHO WORKED IN A DECADE
FIGHTING FOR THE RIGHTS OF
WOMEN, LIKE GLORIA STEIN OR
ANDREW DICE CLAY.
AFTER YOU’VE MADE ALL THIS
HEADWAY, YOU FIND THAT THE WORD
WOMAN IS CONSIDERED OFFENSIVE.
YET NOW ANYONE CAN GET PREGNANT,
RIGHT CRAZY LADY?
>> PEOPLE GET PREGNANT AND NOT
JUST WOMEN BUT I HEAR PEOPLE
OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN SAY
WOMEN GET PREGNANT BUT THAT’S
EXCLUDING PEOPLE THAT SHOULD BE
PART OF THE CONVERSATION.
>> Greg: SHE’S TALKING ABOUT
PREGNANT MEN BECAUSE THAT IS A
THING.
I’M SORRY.
A GUY SHOULD NEVER BE CONFUSED
ABOUT WHETHER HIS CRAMPS ARE
FROM LABOR PAINS OR THE CHILI HE
ATE.
PLEASE REMOVE YOUR JOCKSTRAP
BEFORE IT SNAPS THE GYNECOLOGIST
IN THE FACE.
IT’S NOT ON YOU OR ME.
IT’S ON THE COWARDS,
BUREAUCRATS, EXPERTS, THE MEDIA
SO SCARED OF BEING CALLED OUT ON
TWITTER THAT THEY HAPPILY THROW
AN ENTIRE GENDER UNDER THE BUS.
WE BETTER NOT OFFEND THE
ACTIVIST CLASS.
IT’S NOT WOMEN WHO CAN GET
PREGNANT BUT MEN TOO.
LET’S SAY PEOPLE.
IF MEN CAN’T GET PREGNANT, WHAT
CAN WOMEN DO THAT THEY COULDN’T
DO IN THE PAST FEW HUNDRED
THOUSAND YEARS, RIGHT?
HEY, LADIES.
DON’T FORGET TO GET YOUR
PROSTATE CHECKED.
PLEASE TURN YOUR HEAD AND COUGH.
THE ONLY GOOD I SEE COMING OUT
OF IT IS THAT MEN WILL FINALLY
KNOW THE PAIN OF CHILDBIRTH AND
WOMEN WILL FINALLY KNOW THAT
GETTING HIT IN THE BALLS HURTS A
LOT MORE.
THANK YOU.
I CAN’T WAIT TO GIVE BIRTH.
I HAVE TO FIND OUT WHERE I PUT
THE UMBILICAL CORD.
I THINK IT’S IN THE DRAWER WHERE
I KEEP MY CABLE CHARGERS.
THE WOKE AREN’T JUST GOING AFTER
WOMEN.
THEY ARE COMING AFTER YOUR
PONIES.
"MY LITTLE PONY" TO BE EXACT.
FINALLY SOME HORSES THEY DO
LIKE.
REMEMBER THOSE ANIMATED JERKS,
THE COLOR OF PEPTO-BISMOL AND
THE CHARM OF A HEAD WOUND.
THE LATEST NEW GENERATION OF THE
"MY LITTLE PONY" MOVIE STAGES OF
POLITICAL AWAKENING ABOUT
TOLERANCE, PREJUDICES AND EVEN
FASCISM.
THE KIND OF HIJINKS THAT KIDS
REALLY LOVE.
IF YOUR KIDS WANT TO BE IN
ANTIFA.
APPARENTLY THE WOKEAHOLIC’S ARE
COMING FROM ALL SIDES.
AIMED AT TURNING YOU INTO
MINDLESS, DOCILE DRONES. >> HI, NEW FRIEND.
>> UNICORN ATTACK!
>> ICU.
I SEE YOU.
>> Greg: I THINK I KILLED A
MILLION BRAIN CELLS.
A MILLION MORE AND I COULD WORK AT CNN.
THE ENLIGHTENED SCOUT CRASH IS A
DEMONSTRATION LED BY DEFENSIVE
WEAPONS MANUFACTURER BECAUSE
DEFENSIVE WEAPONS ARE WRONG
UNLIKE ALL OFFENSIVE WEAPONS
WHICH I ASSUME IS JOY BEHAR’S
VOICE.
TOO CRUEL FOR GITMO.
AN ECLECTIC TEAM OF PROGRESSIVE
YOUNGSTERS TO FIGHT
MISINFORMATION.
WORSE, WORSE, TALK ABOUT
CULTURAL APPROPRIATION.
WHO ARE PLAYING THESE PONIES?
PEOPLE, NOT PONIES. I THOUGHT THIS WAS 2020.
HE WENT TO PISSED OFF
"MY LITTLE PONY"."
>> VANESSA HUDGINS IS NOT A PONY
PONY.
I WILL SUE EVERYONE.
>> Greg: SORRY ABOUT THAT. IT MAY BE THE SHOW SHOULD HAVE
COME WITH A TRIGGER WARNING.
TRIGGER WARNINGS.
REMEMBER HOW BIG THOSE WERE,
WRITTEN WARNINGS TO ALERT
STUDENTS IN PROBLEMATIC MATERIAL.
NOT TALKING ABOUT A WILL WOOL
SPEEDO.
NOW RESEARCHERS FIND THAT
TRIGGER WARNINGS DON’T LESSEN
NEGATIVE REACTIONS.
INSTEAD THEY CAN MAKE IT WORSE
FOR PEOPLE WITH PTSD.
WILL THAT PUT AN END TO TRIGGER
WARNINGS?
OF COURSE NOT.
THEY WILL ISSUE A TRIGGER
WARNING FOR A TRIGGER WARNING
AND THEN THEY WILL BE A TRIGGER
WARNING FOR A TRIGGER WARNING
FOR A TRIGGER WARNING WHICH
MAKES SENSE.
FOR ONE THING, EVERYBODY SHOULD
GET A TRIGGER WARNING BEFORE
THEY SEE THIS.
♪ ♪
MY EYES.
LET’S WELCOME TONIGHT’S GUESTS.
THE COURT ASKED HER TO STOP
LEADING CHEERS DURING
DEATH PENALTY CASES. CO-HOST OF "OUTNUMBERED"
EMILY COMPAGNO. HE’S AS RELAXING AS UNDERWEAR
FILLED WITH ICE WATER.
COMEDIAN JOE MACHI.
HER HUSBAND BELIEVES IN GOOD
COMMUNICATION, LIKE MOUTHING
THE WORD "HELP."
FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR KAT TIMPF.
AND PICKUP TRUCKS
ARE HIS FLIP FLOPS!
MY MASSIVE SIDEKICK AND THE NWA WORLD TELEVISION CHAMPION,
TYRUS.
JOE, GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> Joe: GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> Greg: I LOVE THE SHIRT.
NO MEMBERS ONLY JACKET.
>> Joe: IT’S TOO HOT IN THIS
TOWN.
>> Greg: I EXPECT TO SEE YOU
SHIRTLESS BY THE END OF THE
SHOW.
WHEN YOU DECIDE TO BECOME
PREGNANT, JOE, DO YOU PLAN TO
GET THE VACCINE?
TAKE THE ADVICE OF THE CDC?
>> Joe: GREG, IF I COULD MAKE
A -- HOW I REPRODUCE WHY WHEN I
PICK PREGNANCY OVER BINARY
FISSION?
EAT A LOT MORE FOOD THAT I GET
SO FAT I SPLIT INTO TWO.
>> Greg: YOU GAIN WEIGHT AND
THEN YOU DIVIDE?
>> Joe: YEAH.
AND THE CATERING TRADE TOO MANY
TRIPS.
I THINK THAT THE STORY TELLS US
THAT WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO
COME UP WITH OUR OWN ANIMATED
PONY PROPAGANDA AT THIS POINT.
EVERYTHING IS BECOMING POLITICAL
POLITICAL.
>> Greg: EXACTLY.
FOX NEWS HAS TO COME UP WITH ITS
OWN "MY LITTLE PONY"."
>> Emily: I WOULD LOVE TO BE A
PONY.
>> Greg: YOU’RE ALMOST THERE.
I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT
I’M ABOUT TO SAY.
ISN’T IT HARD TO TAKE ADVICE?
THE CDC.
HOW CAN YOU TAKE MEDICAL ADVICE
FROM PEOPLE THAT DENIED
BIOLOGICAL REALITY.
PEOPLE COMPLAIN ABOUT PEOPLE
BEING SKEPTICAL ABOUT VACCINES.
LISTEN TO THESE IDIOTS RIGHT
NOW.
THEY ARE POISONING THEIR OWN
MESSAGING.
>> Emily: THERE’S NOT ENOUGH
TIME IN THE SHOW TO PLAY MONTAGE
OF THEM GOING BACK ON WHAT THEY
SAID.
SO YES, ABSOLUTELY AGREE THEY
LOST THEIR CREDIBILITY.
CAN WE GO BACK TO
"MY LITTLE PONY"."
>> Greg: SURE.
WHY NOT.
IT’S YOUR SHOW.
>> Emily: EXACTLY.
THEY RUINED WHAT WAS THE BEST
THING EVER.
"MY LITTLE PONY" WAS THE BEST
THING EVER.
THEIR TAGLINE WAS LOVE AND
FRIENDSHIP.
WHAT YOU NEED MORE THAN LOVE AND
FRIENDSHIP?
A POLITICAL AWAKENING ABOUT
TOLERANCE, PREJUDICE, EVEN
FASCISM.
ONCE AGAIN, LITERALLY THE
NARRATIVE THEY ARE PUSHING IS
THAT THE MOST DANGEROUS THING IN
YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD IS THAT
PATRIOT FLYING THE AMERICAN
FLAG.
NEVER MIND SOCIAL MEDIA
COMPANIES ERODING YOUR CHILD’S
SENSE OF SELF-WORTH OR THE
ELECTED OFFICIALS KEEPING BIG
TECH COMPANIES PROTECTED WHILE
THEY MINE YOUR DATA OR CYBER
HACKERS STEALING YOUR FINANCES
ARE CHINA INVADING US AT EVERY
TURN.
NONE OF IT MATTERS EXCEPT FOR
FASCISM IN THE FORM OF PONIES.
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING I LEARNED IN THAT ARTICLE IS THAT
THE PLURAL OF PEGASUS IS PEGASI.
>> Greg: WHAT IS UNICORN?
IS IT UNICI?
KAT, WERE YOU ON
"MY LITTLE PONY" FAN?
>> Kat: I COULD ANSWER THAT
BUT I’M NOT GOING TO.
INSTEAD I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A
CHAT.
IN YOUR MONOLOGUE, YOU CALLED ME
A BOOZE BAG.
AS USUAL, YOU LIKE TO SHOW THE
VIDEO.
THAT WAS AN ALLIGATOR, NOT ME.
MADE FUN OF MY FAMILY.
NONE OF IT IS TRUE.
I HAVE ACTUAL FOOTAGE OF YOUR
ACTUAL FAMILY, YOUR SISTER AND
HER HUSBAND IN NASHVILLE.
THEY ARE BEHAVING VERY BADLY.
THEY ARE ALONE ON THE DANCE
FLOOR AND THEY ARE AIR DRUMMING
FEROCIOUSLY.
NOBODY AIR DRUMS IN THE STATE
HAD AT LEAST 17 BEERS
BEFOREHAND.
LOOK AT THIS.
THE AIR GUITAR.
A WHOLE AIR BAND EXCEPT THE
INSTRUMENTS AREN’T THERE.
NO ONE’S ON THE DANCE FLOOR WITH
THEM.
ACTUAL FAMILY.
LOOK AT THIS.
VANDALISM.
THAT’S YOUR SISTER ENGAGING IN
VANDALISM OF THIS VERY BAR.
CALL IT WHATEVER YOU WANT WITH
YOUR FAKE VIDEOS BUT IT LOOKS
LIKE YOU HANG OUT WITH THE BOOZE BAG SENIOR YOU’RE FROM A CRIME
FAMILY.
>> Greg: BY THE WAY, THAT WAS
ACTUALLY MY FAMILY.
THEIR DAUGHTER KEPT SENDING ME
THESE VIDEOS.
FINAL WORD TO YOU, TYRUS.
YOU’VE GOT KIDS, LOTS OF KIDS.
I’M SURE YOU HAVE STEPPED ON A
FEW "MY LITTLE PONIES."
>> Tyrus: I HAVE STEPPED ON A
FEW KIDS.
I’M A HORRIBLE PARENT.
I MAKE MY KIDS WATCH WHAT I
LIKE.
LOONEY TUNES AND THE THREE
STOOGES.
MY DAUGHTER IS WORKING ON THIS
MOVE.
DON’T REALLY HAVE TIME FOR MY
LITTLE WOKE PONY.
WE WILL STICK TO GIVING YOUR
BEST FRIEND A DYNAMITE STICK AND
BLOWING HIM UP.
AS A PARENT, FIRST OF ALL, I’M
NOT SURE WHAT THAT MEANS SO I’M
NOT GOING TO HAVE MY KIDS DOING.
THOSE SHOWS ARE BORING BECAUSE
THEY TAKE ALL HUMOR OUT OF IT.
WE HAVE "MY LITTLE PONIES" BUT
WE ALSO HAVE JURASSIC PARK.
GUESS WHAT HAPPENS TO THE MY
LITTLE PONIES.
THEY GET TO YOUR EX-ED IN THE
MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.
LEAVE THE KIDS ALONE.