that logo is on fire and nobody seems
concerns was released the same year as
Godzilla quality lowered by Association
too much choice at the file select
that's more like it no equal sign during
name input making it impossible to give
tribute to the male genitalia a single
tree caring for so many children sets a
bad example for teen moms boy without a
fairy is still supported by those who do
blatant Democratic propaganda
foreboding music any time a green
skinned man appears that's racist
Shakespearean language is dumb drafting
child soldiers to fight foreign invaders
there's like half a dozen houses in the
village
how does navi not know where to go
lowbrow slapstick humor personal attacks
beyond the player's control oh look my
house is a boob references to no longer
relevant companies Syria making
assumptions about your sexual
orientation sure that's totally how you
attack having to go through the entire
process of pressing a button to get
navvies advice shouldn't she just pop up
for you every time Nintendo doesn't even
have the technical prowess to program
invisible walls and just place this dude
here instead seriously enough with the
prejudice against the Fairless kid this
is not a word no wild Pokemon encounters
invisible magical rupees supports the
practice of witchcraft fortuitous up
skirts of a minor
Indiana Jones homage likely to backfire
you found an ornate butter-knife also
that's not how borrowing works store
employees booth girl despite already
having tight control over local economy
what I can't just pay a micro
transaction for this you only get the
long pop up for acquiring an item once
what a ripoff are you coming on to me
Mac crap he's coming on to me
uncomfortable dungeon names oh now it's
an actual attack lack of a satisfying
blinding sound when you do this lousy
craftsmanship on local prada
invincible enemies ridiculously easy
enemies but I wanted a Red Ryder BB gun
that is not what a human heart looks
like no achievement for fantastic
sniping blatant racism implying gold
spiders are more important than regular
ones collecting war trophies makes you a
bad person kids arson also makes you a
bad person ripped off
fires weakness to water from pokemons
endorses terrible Jim Carrey movies uses
human vomit as a placement texture
insert obligatory you'll shoot someone's
eye out joke here
what's enemy AI again pelvic thrust
attacks darker colored walls make
different noises racist was this kid
even lift weight she's French makes me
long for the days when music was better
someone left the fog machine on it and
Tendo headquarters where do I go
eyeballs can't do that wait isn't she a
queen why not go for some sex appeal
yeah
an arachnid supposed to have eight legs
okay no one can change colored contacts
that quickly that ass inconsiderate to
any aunt that's ever been put under a
magnifying glass that's still not what a
heart looks like
please tell me verily isn't a word
apparently all this green chick did for
the world was make bugs screw you and
there we have it
sixty-four things to hate about ocarina
of time all within the first hour of the
game then again I guess most of it is
nitpicking right and at least we got the
satisfaction of the journey and at least
we saved the Deku Tree right
this game serie I'm I'm touched
I promise I'll take care of this forever
but you wouldn't happen to have it in
blue would ya
[Music]
finally free of all those tutorials and
long-winded messages not okay thanks for
the PSA mr. self-esteem no sweet will I
get a chance to show her the world well
there goes the rest of my day
apparently somersaults are the fastest
way to travel nope
wait walking backwards is let me in let
me in let me in the Mian crap ear aided
game yet somehow has more dangerous
zombies than The Walking Dead why can't
the moon just slow down and smile at me
for once this guy sure sucks at guarding
all these pots what the heck is wrong
with you
geez why so rude dam capitalists how am
I supposed to care about a princess
after meeting this
[Music]
no Cheers no wonder the temples empty
back flipping in churches is outlawed in
42 states I made too many racism jokes
in the last video to comment on this my
you oh my god your neck stupid game
expecting me to fall for this again oh
hey a fellow Canadian stop making me
want breakfast Nintendo then again I am
open to KFC haven't you heard about
personal grooming well why does he get
the Pegasus shoes and I don't wonder how
many cows fit in those crates distinct
lack of epic music for this heist just
the doctor actually and the Academy
Award for most impressive flying
trophies goes to would you like to melt
your n64 s processor with shiny graphics
again he's gonna be wearing clothes
right hey his eyes aren't that bad
me or you know he could just be
misunderstood princess he's obviously
not in the throne room anymore maybe you
should keep your voice down
uh yeah thirty bucks on eBay my favorite
left up right left up right in the key
of C flat what Nintendo doesn't like
freestyle jazz oh come on don't make
Batman soo sorry old market lady this
town is just filled with too many
beautiful people
[Music]
there is literally nothing to say about
the situation that hasn't been said
before
Nintendo traumatizing children since
1998 what you haven't heard of rotating
paper before why is this game so cruel
the bugs oh hey it's insert topical
celebrity here as darunia ever
considered that maybe he lost his status
because he talks in the third person
mama always said I'd be forced to join
the circus yeah did anyone get his
plates no I wish I could say the same
mr. owl
I guess Nintendo supports Team Jacob
wait how many of these ocarinas do you
have lying around geez how many songs
with mysterious powers can there be no
comment hey it's littlefoot's mom
Nintendo stop ripping off Mass Effect
silly Game Developers alligators don't
explode something tells me PETA would
disapprove of this I hope you have
citations for these enemy descriptions
Nabi Wikipedia doesn't count
that's not ominous or anything rolling
away from your problems does not
actually solve them neither does eating
explosives I'm gonna have to order the
deep-fried the dango to go thanks hey
that's a pretty good impression your
voice went blue and everything whoa no
means no guys huh I guess there's not
really a 64 thing concerning this
dungeon but I guess since everyone
constantly brought it up in the last
video this guy humps rocks
[Music]
she lives on Death Mountain so
magnificent so beautiful that fuel ever
get the chance this is the story of how
I fell in love with the Death Mountain
cow these so-called super cuckoos don't
look all that super don't you have
better ways to spend your time than to
throw chickens around for little boys so
what do I just check between their legs
or me getting married I hope I don't
hear that joke again
he sure seems to enjoy that a lot for a
children's game well if those chickens
are any indication I think this is
liquid cocaine Oh JJ Abrams did this
when someone asks you to sing it's
pretty rude to whip out a screeching
whistle hoarse seducing powers activate
on second thought deactivate please
every time you design a block puzzle a
kitten is hit by a jumbo jet somehow Lon
Lon ranch has better defenses than
hyrule castle
remember only AT&T offers service in the
lost woods spin attacks are responsible
for 90% of the world's deforestation oh
yeah my favorite person what you mean
the Jackson 5 no it's terrible explosion
safety techniques also really irritates
my OCD nothing gives you stage fright
like a quintet of frogs hey this isn't a
Pink Floyd concert you can't be doing
shrooms in the back row yeah you're
grape flavored one Oh see Dee yep that's
definitely how waterfalls work as in the
water we're currently contaminating that
icon puts all the rest in the game to
shame so cute yeesh the economy really
is hurting these small businesses king
zora
sounds like a great guy must be a fit
guy if he walks up all these oh my links
programming turns him into a gold medal
diver for this single cliff don't you
just throw the price down here
that face will haunt me forever
apparently link has very interesting
hands huh what a pretty Lake thank
goodness there's nothing terrible in the
future here oh boy this scene I'm gonna
have to call in some help with this one
montage activate you know Ganon is
massacred like six different
civilizations by now right
oh wait that Kings are I getting me have
no friends behind well there aren't many
moments in games that made me cry but
that right there it oh it gets to me the
purity of the movement the resonance of
the note the first time I heard it
that's what I knew when I knew
I wanted to be a dancer ahem
third dungeon in a row that involves
going in something's mouth with an
overabundance of throat nipples
prejudice against boxes they literally
don't appear anywhere else in the game
excuse me princess whatever these are
they can't be healthy and that
definitely can't be healthy aha
what was your first clue
[Music]
got 99 problems in Essaouira ain't one
much too difficult enemies for this
early in the game wait another spiritual
stone of fire this kinda reminds me of
that game my girlfriend and I used to
play nope it's exactly like that game
alright you go on ahead and beat the
rest of the game for me yeah how did you
pack on the pounds so fast rude oh no
this candy corn might explain it alright
boxes it's your time to shine the throat
nipple invested all of its skill points
into armor and this is why you chew your
food kids the very least don't swallow
jellyfish dude maybe invest in some
proactive the moral of the story is that
inside every pimple there's the cheap
expression of corporate consumerism huh
good thing we weren't teleported
somewhere on land but if a man in Ozora
can get married where do we draw the
line
finally a reason to get something other
than my ears pierced I guess no one's a
fan of sour apple rupees the sudden
darkening of the skies can only mean
good things are coming is that a blue
one
dibs the song that opens the frickin
temple of time is only three separate
notes and yet my password has to include
a number in a capital ancient weapon of
mass destruction what's the worst that
could happen this episode of not quite
clever is brought to you by the Sacred
Realm travel agency we'd like to remind
you the children's stories such as
slingshots sticks and boomerangs are too
dangerous to be allowed into the future
someone could get a splinter however
feel free to take as many explosives and
paralyzing chemical capsules as you wish
[Music]
find sword of Evil's Bane first draw it
against the supposed last member of a
dying race inside a religious building
damnit Al Gore was right hey remember
those enemies you'd avoid at all costs
as a kid let's make you always have to
run by them for the rest of the game bow
chicka Bow Wow and suddenly my urge to
make sex jokes is gone oh good you're
gonna make them instead characters make
light of Hylian genocide man this game
has terrible art design I sure hope that
my ghost winds up being that happy this
is why you don't do meth and 3d model at
the same time kids encourages the
reading of Diaries now we'll know who
damn pay writes crummy poetry about okay
no poetry just casually hitting on
whoever reads a suicide note
this isn't how tombstones are supposed
to work Geronimo
if you say follow me after challenging
someone to erase you're either a bit
dumb or a bit of a dick definitely a bit
of a dick usually not one to repeat
jokes but no yeah let's go kill some
Titans yeah your grin chart I don't even
want to think about all the paradoxes
and timey-wimey stuff at play here
although with a face like that I think
he might have already thought of it
super duper attack back to voice hey kid
wanna model some trees the track and
field events at the Hyrule Olympics must
be an interesting sight and apparently
she also blasts it through loudspeakers
in the forest impaled on a Pigman spear
first-class travel at its finest not as
clumsy or random as a boomerang an
elegant weapon for a more civilized age
Oh does this make me a speed runner
exactly what emotion is this supposed to
be in Nintendo nice underwear Supes no
sunglasses item to make this shot cooler
no one can change it my seven years of
time-travel would like a word with you
oh great remembering a single melody
line won't be hard or anything
okay most of the stuff on this list is
satire but seriously screw this hidden
key they're always stealing me lucky
charms oh god the Olsen twins that joke
still relevant the forest temples
defining feature is a spot perfect for a
romantic proposal spider-man spider-man
they really should label the opening
side of these chests better feed me
Seymour because the only thing better
than block puzzles are giant block
puzzles oh thank god there's a railing
here I could have fallen huh maybe I
shouldn't have smoked that Deku bud
paintings
good job ripping off Super Mario 64 I
would have preferred a proton pack for
this dungeon but oh well yep that's how
physics works changing the color of a
key apparently completely changes which
door can open super flammable arrows
that definitely won't be an issue in the
next temple just some advice if you try
and remain hidden maybe you shouldn't do
a happy dance busting makes me feel good
I've played through this game easily
half a dozen times and I still haven't
entirely figured out how this room works
fancy security system but not that
effective hey you've aged well over the
last seven years no wrinkles Oh Oh God
phantom inner musical theater Nerdist
straining I can't hold it
may once again with me a tennis match
boy possibility you can
[Music]
and oh you speed attack I'm sure you
Paul
[Music]
Tom [ __ ] Ganondorf is down inside
your pie wasn't the entire reason I was
locked up for seven years so he couldn't
call me kid
say hi to Cthulhu for me back to the
chamber of Skittles huzzah lime flavored
would you like to hear about our Lord
and Savior Jesus Christ are you smoking
hmm what a nice fiery backdrop I'm
adopted
what
[Music]
come on Kira
I mean sure everyone you've ever known
as either a had their life exponentially
made worse by you letting day endure
from the sake around or be stayed an age
that would make the FBI come after you
if you tried to converse with them but
look on the bright side you get to go
into the middle of an active volcano in
the next temple won't that be fun
not for Frank's sake Hyrule is
apparently located somewhere in downtown
LA
this isn't how stairs are supposed to
work only the Nintendo 64 can offer you
real time sleeping action you know if I
had a ranch
I put low res pictures of my face all
over it too girl
if you need to tone down on the
conditioner or you need some color in
that look ish if you didn't like gravity
I hope Neil deGrasse Tyson never plays
this game did you know that the wind and
ice temples were cut early in
development to allocate more resources
to INGOs eyebrows there comes a time in
every man's life where he must choose
apparently carrots are Japanese for
slapped at horse foot dude your arm
gonna be okay yeah there's a blue shell
when you need it
the Epona Oh P nerf please wish I could
dance like that well to be fair your
moustache would have impeded your vision
there anyways
oh no I can never leave the ranch fine
by me I'll play if the chickens on
second thought get me out of here I have
no way to feed you and I'll probably
just leave you wandering the field will
I risk my life but at least I don't have
to just roll across after game world
anymore I'd make a joke asking about
sheiks gender but I'd rather the
comments-section debate about something
else for once climb every mountain Ford
every stream a Nintendo is even ripping
off sound of music although to be fair I
guess the Von Trapps did experience
slightly less time travel um the slot
for the Master Sword seems to be gone
another teleportation song I guess that
horse I just raced for is obsolete so do
I blow in at first or what I guess my
rolling days aren't over after all dude
and get out get in and get out get in
and get out dude I heard if you play the
track backwards it literally blows up a
cemetery
[Music]
man I sure Lavi rated games you wouldn't
happen to have a Necronomicon on you
would you kid nope no really freaking
nope
oh yeah a newborn's life will fade
thanks for keeping things cheery
Nintendo damn it I already reached my
quota for Phantom of the Opera jokes
last episode sorry young town appear to
have some competition instead of warning
the Hyrule market people of their
impending doom I think I'll just go back
to the future without telling them
anything
oops wrong dungeon this guy thinks I
work for Ganon I'll calm his fears by
throwing bombs at him Nintendo's so
unoriginal they had to steal your name
for the Goron kid typical Oh is he gonna
be voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch making
me wear a spring color in the middle of
November stupid game you you're not
gonna turn around while I change really
it's a wooden bridge in the middle of a
volcano really the best place to teach
me a new song the developers were too
cheap to even license a song power of
the heart I should be learning some Bon
Jovi Donei Robert Downey jr. this place
looks complicated who knows how long
it'll take me to oh it's cool dude I
already know where babies come from and
yet he waited seven years to start
feeding the gorons to the Dragon make
sense Ganon hit a key inside a prison
cell
okay then little-known fact
eggs are 99% lava proof the super mario
world developers would like to have a
word with you Nintendo and I think it's
gonna be a long long time by this point
link has mastered the block-post shuffle
I have seen the seams of the universe
and they had poop colored dude sitting
around all day with nachos and a special
crop isn't gonna solve you problems it
was only during the making of this video
that I finally found out what this is
for
screw you scarecrow song oh snap
Tom Hiddleston's gonna hate me too the
literally dozens of people that informed
me that the blocks I claimed only
appeared in jabu jabu's belly reappear
in the fight
temple are you satisfied no fall damage
name thanks for bringing back my least
favorite link to the past enemy at least
he switched me into my green outfit
before stealing all my clothes
[Music]
so the Dragons name is literally two
letters away from being vulva vagina
what's next a wizard named wiener balls
every whack-a-mole game I've been to has
at least twice as many falling rocks
step up your game Nintendo hearts are
not located in your head well thank God
for teleportation crystals otherwise I'd
be roasted man that was a pretty intense
dungeon very tiring certainly could use
a nice cold glass of water no no in
Arctic wind Al Gore lied to us I guess I
should change into something less blood
orange you know they really shouldn't
keep using this one song is the password
of the entire royal family what the heck
could have happened here oh damn I wish
I could have gotten grant kirkhope back
to help me with this one continues to
advertise a diving minigame yet doesn't
quite deliver jabu jabu buddy where'd
you go I never thought I'd say this but
I miss volcanoes and the award for most
annoying Zelda enemy goes to did you
know these things are the leading cause
of death in Canada however frustration
at red ice puzzles is a close second how
exactly do freezing bats work or maybe
we could leave the creepy unholy flames
alone something tells me that a frozen
piece of heart could probably be some
form of deep metaphor for the human
condition but hey more health yeah
sliding block puzzles are somehow even
more terrible than regular ones do you
want to build a snowman
I really wanted to just have the game
audio here for a joke about how quick I
killed this wolf but unfortunately I was
blasting the Book of Mormon soundtrack
while recording oops
dananana you got Tony Stark stiletto
heels oh hey are you here for the block
puzzle support group
wait how exactly do you rescue someone
from under several feet of ice the water
temple hey that sounds like fun
better put on my walking shoes hey dude
maybe you should stop covering yourself
and catch up during the winter wait how
does this shirt stop me from drowning
again oh well least it's in blue wonder
if I can dive again nope
huh apparently the lakes on strike oh
you guys are excited for this so here we
go oh is it this mine no me my least
favorite temple live again
Wow
Arthur boots a night
cuz now I have to keep going to the
equipment screen oh crap you got hot
like a fishy hot damn I love a girl
wearing nothing but pixely earrings baby
it's always a good time Wow Disney's
marketing budget must be through the
roof you know just because I'm a silent
protagonist doesn't mean I consent to
this whole marriage thing three places
to change the water level will they be
easy to miss and require a ten-second
cutscene to activate awesome yep you
just go on ahead because that worked out
so well in the last dungeon we were in
together this temple is made of grape
where exactly does all this water go hmm
this one could be tricky there's a lock
door locked doors usually means secret
secrets Kanna doesn't want me to find
aka I should find a way to open its
doors locked with bars not a keyhole
meaning either a puzzle has to be solved
there all enemies have to be killed like
Lee the former given the lack of hostile
creatures in this room and two pots in
the corners could potentially be hiding
switches unlikely given their small size
but could be a good plan B meanwhile one
lit torch two unlit torches were all
previously unlit while underwater now
one has ignited why obvious answer other
torches must be lit and quickly the pots
the pots are there to hold extra
ammunition meaning an arrow has to be
used no I target thing to hit so the
flame must be transferred directly in oh
wait I got it nuts nuts all puzzles can
be solved with nuts Watson unfortunately
size does count when it comes to hook
shots yay physics someday I will do
terrible things to whoever decided to
hide a key under here oh great the
indoor plumbing is backed up again
my the only one who kinda saw a face on
these when I was a kid
Oni defect with the mirror I musta cost
a lot that she passes anything you can
do I can do better I can do anything
better than you know you can it's like
yeah oh you can yes I can I get some
hammers wait what yeah that's exactly
what this temple needed more ways to
suck you think these spiders ever get
bored just hanging around being a
sidequest all day this this right here
do you know how many times I've played
through this game gotten this far and
then oh yeah I forgot to get some
obscure key why oh hey pink Navi I think
I'll eat you screw literally everything
about this room hello jello it's
apparently required by law for every
Zelda game to have at least one boss
that is just an eyeball ah less Japanese
porn please oh hey where were you when I
was fighting the goopy monster madam
fishy boobs and where were you am I
always so lonely I hope you belly flop
you douchebag okay so it was a stressful
dungeon that's fine at least Sora's
domain should be unfrozen now okay maybe
I need fire arrows are you freaking
kidding me
bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla
bla bla bla bla bla bla
please don't sue me
bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla
bla bla bla bla bla bla bla
the village is on fire and nobody seems
concerned seriously where is everybody
is now really a good time to be admiring
the wishing well
hey chic what's your favorite Beatles
song
crap I guess he's more of a Stones fan
is now really the time for an
interpretive dance so what do you guys
think the chances are of Blue Mist dude
being in smash bros for a rave for
convenient fire preventing rain fall the
evil Shadow Spirit are you implying
there's a good shadow Spirit still
twiddling his thumbs somewhere yeah
imprisoning a demon underneath your
hometown in the same spot as all your
drinking water was a fantastic idea so
he just didn't like being stuck
someplace wet I have no idea what that
must be like wait you just said it was
sealed under the well not the Shadow
Temple why is the info messing around
there oh she needs my help why can't I
just show up at one of these places and
find the sage having already killed the
boss just once
well I was gonna start looking for the
shadow temple at Lon Lon ranch but I
guess a graveyard would be the next most
fitting place a melody that will draw me
into infinite darkness that absorbs even
time going into a terrifying hellish
dungeon under the village this looks
like a job for a ten-year-old well at
least the villages tourism budget seems
to have gone up ah you always remember
your first whispering mutilated corpse
here's an idea how about we don't listen
to the dead person also the skeletons
like three times the size of link who
died down here Vince Vaughn oh look
terrorists Pikachu look ma no collision
detection yay
who the heck puts coffin opening puzzles
in a kids game
I want my mommy no no that's getting
caught right right
Nintendo apparently has interesting
tastes in interior decorating oh hey my
ex-girlfriends in this game
the Goron special crop only found on
death mountain or in creepy tombs where
the puzzles require it oh good to know
that the children's lullaby password
even works in unholy torture tombs
speaking of torture tombs does anyone
have any idea what that's used for the
scariest room of them all Audrey - and
flying pottery Oh God
it's it's I've just seen a face I can't
forget the time more place where we just
met she's just the girl for me and I
want all the world to see we met mmm had
it been another day I might have looked
the other way and I'd have never been
nowhere but as it is I'll dream of her
tonight dad
alas our love was just too fragile to
endure
oh yay now I can do my makeup on the go
yeah I guess that's a pretty cool
feature - goodbye creepy underworld I'll
be sure not to tell anyone living
peacefully above you of your existence
Wow so apparently in the entire series
this is the four hundred and twentieth
thing wrong with ocarina of time
hmm don't mind me
just a brief pit stop to pick up napalm
from a naked lady living near the castle
well at least we're done with the spooky
themed dungeons now right
Oh for freaks sake pay no attention to
that key counter behind the curtain
skull of truth I'm pretty sure I follow
a tumblr account with that name sacred
feet meanwhile sounds more like a porn
site we get it we need the lens of truth
to see invisible crap get off my back
Oh baby I'm sorry for killing you
earlier but maybe this time we finally
have a chance because this time I'm a
man falling yes I am falling and she
keeps calling me back again I'm sorry
darling but you're a bit too clingy
thanks for the slippers though hover
boots for the people who want every
level to be a nice level I'd like like
for you to stop that please
stone umbrella so that's what the
calling block puzzles these days don't
worry mister Skellington I'm sure Tim
Burton will hire you back someday yep
because I really needed more iron boots
in my life I know Nintendo's not known
for realism but come on guys who's
driving this boat thanks for helping me
out there hover boots
is it really a maze if you can't see the
walls I don't know I failed philosophy
Oh No
rickety wooden spiked walls if only I
had an unstoppable fire weapon hoooo
could you imagine if I'd fallen down
there that have been disastrous
no I'll ever so do over I guess you guys
want me to fight the boss huh
oh no not ringo starr have you ever
heard of this thing called hand
moisturizer it might help with your
condition
come on Bongo Bongo don't be sad you'll
get to be copied as a boss and every
Zelda game after this and as I expected
you did jack squat great job on
protecting Zelda by the way excuse me
miss but where exactly can i buy booty
shorts like yours
oh she's safe that's good for a second
there I was worried she'd be running
around teaching me songs or something
like that
finally the dark powers of grape
flavored kool-aid are mine to command
and there we have it the shadow temple
is complete exactly in the intended
order of the gate wait a minute wait a
minute see you guys next time
welcome to the land of annoying stealth
segments and catchy music enjoy your
stay Epona can jump entire canyons like
nobody's business
yet can't manage the stairs into
Kakariko village if you're a master
craftsman why do you need all your lazy
co-workers to fix the bridge can you
really blame them for becoming thieves
the economy's kind of crap these days
I'm sure your workers are fine there's
no way they could have gotten captured
way you want to race through the haunted
wasteland you couldn't find some place
with a less foreboding name well you
know you could always help the
carpenters fix it
next episode I'm taking you down all
right let's see what's inside oh come on
gee it sure was generous of you guys to
let me keep my Spiderman item is it even
possible to stun someone with an arrow
because I'm pretty sure this is triple
homicide actually this seems like a
pretty good time to try out my terrible
action movie one-liners Cupid's not the
only one who aims at women sorry to rain
on your parade you fell for that one
hook shot line and sinker
stabbing kills people especially you
lots of guts in 3d maneuver gear
actually wait they're keeping you all in
separate rooms that doesn't seem very
efficient hey I'm the hero of time you
don't have to repay me
unless you're single oh come on two
swords not fair lady where'd you go well
I'm also trying to save the entire world
from complete destruction but yeah I
guess I can rescue you too they locked
you up for being a man well gosh darn
those evil feminists then again if you
run like that I'd probably lock you up
too so I have about 40 gigs worth of
footage of this entire rescuing the
Carpenters quest because I somehow
always find a way to get myself lost in
this section of the game so thanks for
clogging up my hard drive Gerudo
Fortress wait did you guys rehearse what
you were going to say to your rescuers
beforehand great more metaphors for the
lens of truth that hasn't gotten old yet
yeah
good thieving skills that's what it was
I totally didn't murder all your friends
oh dear she is green as he is she put
her headquarters as far away from you
guys as possible must be quite the
introvert damn wish Broadway was this
easy to get into dananana you got a
dirty scrap of paper so sorry for
murdering you earlier and now to get the
most important item in the game just
kidding there's no way I'm paying ten
rupees to get ice arrows
I'm a champion level digimon actually
why can't the game just say lens of
truth it's not that hard
- right tangerine transition activate
something tells me this guy doesn't get
much business out here that's not how
you spell that you know this is
basically a less white version of
walking through Canada although we do
have less patronizing ghosts Congrats on
doing all that annoying stuff to get to
the temple but we were actually looking
for someone a bit more prepubescent
there we go I feel much more qualified
yeesh what is this Mass Effect you think
that's bad you should hear about the
giant piano he bought with taxpayers
money
ah I don't even want to think about how
that would work you know it's amazing
how often I get this it's also amazing
how often I get that
seriously this better be the last time I
see these boxes excuse me son but I'm
kind of trying to kill a dinosaur here
you see this this is my bomb Choo
be right back killing Alphonse from Full
Metal Alchemist mr. owl shows up one
last time to tell me to use the witches
attacks against them I never would have
guessed to do that against the Zelda
boss yeesh these things are so fancy I'd
probably do more damage to start
slapping my enemies than to use the
master sword and thus Nibiru fell victim
to the magical desert butthole but don't
worry I'll be back in seven years
considering I'm doing most of the
pushing here with my legs how exactly
are these gloves helping me why is there
a like like in every dungeon I'm running
out of like like related jokes a
wonderfully designed puzzle where I need
to time my movements carefully or you
know hook shot to the top hooray now I
can admire my reflection while I kill
things wait did you guys just wait here
for seven years until I showed up
Ganondorf seriously didn't need you
somewhere else hmm does this suit of
armour look sexier to you guys or
something no beru you escaped the butt
hole although you may want to take a
bath seven years without changing
clothing who could do that you fiends
how dare you teleport a single room away
you guys gonna do it defying gravity now
or can we just fight already yep this is
how mirrors work
all right you ugly hags time to finish
you
wait what are you doing oh god she's hot
can link defeat the combined power of
twin rova will the fate of the princess
finally be revealed
is Josh self-obsessed enough to sing
another Broadway classic find out next
time on Dragon Ball Z do you suffer from
chronic bursts of elemental power do you
occasionally feel like creepily changing
your age by combining with a sibling
then maybe the Hylian order of
latter-day scrubs is the place for you
here we accept you for who you are
even if that includes serial kidnapping
attempted murder and terrible puns stick
with us and we guarantee you a spot in
the afterlife the Hylian order of
latter-day scrubs our church can time
travel
[Music]
sure let's open the final episode with
uncomfortable close-ups of 64bit old men
oh gee who could possibly be waiting for
me at the temple of time is it my toe I
bet it's my toe darn it's just highly in
Batman yeah and it only took me a year
and three months to do it
look out Cosmo I'm coming for your
record hey now I'm always seeking sacred
triangles the sacred triangle is in the
sacred realm who woulda thunk it wait so
I need to get a Triforce tattoo but I
wanted one a fancy Chinese lettering
whoa Obama's the seventh sage but I
forgot to get the health care medallion
wait what are you doing are you did you
just pull a Moulin on me all right by
all means reveal your true identity in
an open doorway literally two buildings
down from ganondorf's castle can we talk
about the fact that the Master Sword
seems to be a little bit of a douchebag
you pretended to be someone else for
seven years
damn you're like the Daniel day-lewis of
damsels in distress say that 10 times
fast
Zelda I don't think you're excited
enough about the arrow of light I mean
only three exclamation points
oh no dust is gently falling from the
ceiling everybody panic wait so if he's
just putting Zelda and a crystal why was
the building shaking did Ganon just look
at the temple of time and think yeah
I'll freak him out a little bit first
also a traitor is someone that betrays
you not someone who's been actively
defying you from the start
get it together Ganondorf Zelda you all
right in there
all right there's no time to lose the
final battle is close at hand sell those
in trouble and she needs my help there's
only one thing I can do
[Music]
like all great adventures this one will
begin at the local chicken coop poll ad
I sure know that feeling hey now just
because I'm bi doesn't mean you can just
make assumptions like that but yes the
pocket eggs connected to the white chick
the white chicks connected to the smurf
chick the smurf chicks connected to the
dope shrooms and then this guy
disappears and gets replaced with a
creepy girl and it's kind of really
freaking weird help seriously what's the
use of warp songs if you're not allowed
to use them during the one instance that
time is of the essence then again I
could afford to waste some time with you
all right so apparently a sword that's
twice as powerful as the blade of Evil's
Bane can be made by an oversized goron
that doesn't know how to use contact
lenses so can I trade some more chickens
to upgrade to a Buster Sword damn Ganon
I like what you've done with the place
alright time to enter the final dungeon
there can't be anything too scary ahead
right
man don't you just hate when you're
creepy hell door gets covered in purple
force fields great so now it's time for
a mega man boss rush of annoying Zelda
puzzles because when I think forest
temple I think about rickety metal
torches you know link would kind of be
screwed if this carpet wasn't fireproof
oh look it's the castles uvula uterus
I don't know biology and it spelled the
forest barrier isn't that what they're
trying to stop the Republicans from
doing hey remember those silver
gauntlets you got that you literally
just used to move one block here's a new
color so you can move penis shaped rocks
instead be right back gotta go get my
roots done at the salon there we go
honey
seriously link you gotta start looking
where you're chucking things
what if Ganon had an orphanage back
there all right that's the last urethra
time to take the fight to Ganondorf or
you know we've always got time for
dinosaurs okay now it's time for the
final boss
[Music]
oh geez looks like Ganon's an even
bigger phantom fan than me oh yeah I'd
never expect the hero of the game or the
person the game is named after to be
important at all
Navi Tonko blaming waves of darkness
since when have you ever helped out in a
fight okay so this is tennis just like
last time right never mind it's Mario
Tennis heck yeah killing the king of
evil while wearing slippers wait is it
is that blood we can't let the kids see
that color-corrected color-corrected
michel de talked about hidden someone
while they're down you do realize I sold
my teleporting ocarina right doesn't
that seem a bit safer than running down
the side of a collapsing tower stop
reinforcing damsel-in-distress
stereotypes woman hey we survived and
Ganondorf is totally did oh crap oh crap
oh crap we made his dreadlocks angry oh
boy
he's digivolving okay it's cool at least
I solved the masters so
[Music]
ah sweet glad to know you're in the
fight now nappy what can you tell me
about them I hate you each how hard is
it to stab a pig monster in the bus so
can we just skip getting back the Master
Sword and use explosives for once well
apparently I just caused another split
in the timeline theory did you stop
wiggling your nose I kind of need to
stab it there we go it dude thanks for
not showing my name really appreciate it
someday when the seal is broken I will
totally hijack the plot of Twilight
Princess so how did we end up floating
in a Windows XP background what I need
to go back to being a kid but I never
got all the wallet upgrades one year and
three months nine episodes 576 things
wrong when I made that first video as an
April Fool's joke it was a simple idea
make fun of one of the most beloved
games of all time as I should have
expected some people got mad at that and
I have to admit ocarina of time isn't
perfect no game is but you know what
there is something special here in this
version of Hyrule that Nintendo created
all those years ago there's something
that seems to have resonated with so
many people something that makes this
game so beloved I can't look at any of
the comment sections on my video without
seeing story after story of people's
experiences with this game if we didn't
all love ocarina of time so much I
wouldn't have had half as much fun
sarcastically ripping it apart we tease
the things we love whether that means
people or works of art and maybe I went
a bit off the deep end there but I guess
what I'm trying to say is the very last
thing wrong with our journey through the
Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time is that
it has to end
you
[Music]
you