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Joe what kind of flashlight [ __ ] are
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what the am I doing it wrong am I doing
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well even doing it wrong you forgot
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yeah I mean I've seen some giant things
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half of them are [ __ ] and half of
them are I saw one dud foot up another
dude's ass a dude had his foot up a
dude's ass all the way up to the ankle
was that just for shock value like just
meet.com or was that more like a was
that more sexual thing man I don't know
man you got to wonder with the
motivation behind anybody wanting to
take that picture or see that picture
you know like whoa what is who's who's
oh [ __ ] [ __ ] wait wait Tom go get the
camera yeah Tom get the camera does it
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well some people like the idea like well
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that might not work but if I get some
guarantee that' be that'd be pretty good
what you like drugs you mean what do you
mean no like any sort of like I don't
know mood enhancers or or like or like
whatever you need for whatever else I
don't know what drugs do people take why
would this is nothing like a drug though
none of these things I mean the only
thing that would be close is the uh new
mood the 5 HTP supplement which is like
a serotonin booster but even that it
would be like the subtlest of smiles
that you know permeates your brain you
know have you ever used 5htp mhm didn't
do much for me didn't uh do you taking
the Neil Brennan size doses uh I was
taking a lot I took I saw yeah he said
he just goes over the whatever the
[ __ ] recommended da is he jacks that
[ __ ] for recomend I'll take it into
account yeah he just goes nuts yeah but
uh well I thought it was really
fascinating that he said that his doctor
who had him on some sort of
anti-depressant told him to get off the
5htp because it was essentially like
taking two anti-depressants um there's
something where it can react really
badly with ssris yeah um but that's like
half the anti-depressants of that or
ssris but it can it can like cause you
some weird overdose what is the SSR what
is the the actual name for that
it's like serotonin something re
inhibitor yeah like it ads or deletes
serotonin H well um I've heard uh
there's also Brian you read something
about the dangers of 5htp online right
what the [ __ ] was that about oh I uh
somebody sent me this because of uh
yesterday's podcast where I've been
talking about my arm which we've talked
to the doctor and he said it's probably
from podcasting and I'm probably py
started making fun of me and then he and
then he made that song all about how
weak I was I no he there there was uh
hold on I'll get to it it there was
somebody sent that on uh Web MD that
5htp uh might be unsafe and not to take
it because people who there's been
reports that people who are taking it
are getting a serious condition with
extreme M muscle tenderness called
myalgia and blood abnor normalities one
of those
words moralities really uh and so uh
they said that you shouldn't take it
that they're thinking it's a contaminant
and and some 5htp products and that um
oh so it's not 5htp it's something
that's contaminated in 5 right and that
so pretty much there's like sour milk
going around you know I mean oh wow so
the sour milk that's giving people
muscle soreness yeah muscle soreness out
of nowhere and well we're going to we'll
get to the bottom of that I'll find out
what the [ __ ] that is so if that's the
case you know pay attention to that
folks obviously don't buy ship from
Mexico I've already talked to I've
already water 5ht it's a little too
cheap look into it yeah I've already
talked to Aubry about it from uh on it
labs and he said that not to worry about
it and that that they're they test it
like three times their own Labs test it
like three times to make sure you know
that's all good but he said he just you
know he'll look into it more but he said
that's what he that what he so it's some
cheap company yeah it's like cheap
company 5htp you know like when you're
at the store like you're at the CVS and
you see like oh there's this one for $2
you know you know that's good to know
okay we also
have well alphab doesn't have that
anyway this is a new mood which is the
5htp and L trip to fan supplement um I
like it I've been taking it um but yeah
I would I would definitely consider
looking into what the whatever the [ __ ]
this what the AR Ro is about because
that that's a pretty serious but in my
honest opinion I think the doctor is
right like in my honest this I mean
somebody just sent that to me that's why
obviously you're moving your arm in the
same direction yeah I'm like the vector
Raptor cuz I have to kind of it's almost
what's that [ __ ] called that Barbers get
a lot from uh carp tunnel carpal tunnel
it's almost that get that [ __ ] yeah also
secretaries get a a lot um what else
what other womanly like I'm just
podcasting too much yeah you you to take
days off man ice your ice your elbow I
know Jesus Christ that's ridiculous
you're falling apart son you're falling
apart son um anyway well like we said
with uh with on it um if you don't like
it don't buy and if you if you're
interested go look all all the other
different things that are available
online but if you want to buy alphab
brain it's available at on it.com o n
niit t we also have um two different
mushroom supplements one's called shroom
Tech Sport and that's a uh one for
extreme endurance exercises like if
you're a person who likes to do like
CrossFit or [ __ ] like that if you do
Jiu-Jitsu or you doing MMA this shroom
Tech sport is awesome it's a ceps
mushroom and B12 supplement it's great
for energy like um they the Chinese
Olympic team was like the first to start
using it like the '90s apparently it's
like a mushroom that enhances your your
body's ability to absorb air really yeah
you're um they in high altitudes like
they noticed that cattle were eating
these mushrooms and then they were much
more lively so people started
experimenting with them I thought when
you said mushroom pills um you thought I
was talking about pill pill mushroom
they have those now mushroom mushroom
pill pure cocin oh that's no mushrooms
that's dangerous I don't know my friend
my friend's taking them and he was like
they're just great man you don't get the
upset stomach else the same it's like
THC pills yeah but I feel like then
you're not working for it that's part of
the mushroom experience is if you're
going to get the gift from the plant
you're going to eat that shitty body of
it I have to try it I don't know where
it gets them um this is nothing like
that this is just for endurance and
there's another one for IM it's called
Trum Tech immune which is a great one uh
it's it's a really interesting way it
works is way been explained to me is
there's this mushroom and when your body
detects it your body thinks that it's
some sort of it might be a bug like it
might be a cold or something like that
so your immune system fires up for fight
That Never Comes really yeah so this
mushroom somehow or another tricks your
body into thinking it's going to be
attacked but nothing happens and so your
immune system fights it off pumps up it
pumps up for a fight and there's no
fight yeah so it like really helps your
immune system ward off colds quicker
that's cool yeah it's uh I I believe in
um I think and here's something to look
into too folks is um probiotics I think
are very important something that a lot
of people that well no probiotics are
live cultures it's like acidophilus or
um kombucha is my favorite I drink that
kombucha [ __ ] I drink that tea every day
I really firmly believe it keeps you
from getting sick blueberries they are
antioxidants antioxidants yeah yeah they
are this is a little different though
this this is a live culture live culture
is actually living things it's an
organism you're taking into your body
that actually fights off bad [ __ ] it's
kind of crazy but it works this organism
works symbiotically with your body is
that on all mushrooms or is it just like
specific it's different you know some of
them will [ __ ] kill you there
mushrooms you [ __ ] up and eat the wrong
ones you'll have like instant liver
failure like there's some some serious
failure mushrooms out there and somebody
had to find that out man somebody had to
eat those things and then they had to
like everybody stand and watch them and
then 20 minutes later he's [ __ ] black
skinned and foaming at the mouth and his
whole body spasming and you're like okay
now we know that mushroom is bad don't
[ __ ] eat that and they had to know
this by the way back when there was no
books right there's wrri it down told
you you remember how honeysuckles were
okay to eat but that other barrier
weren't what remember honeysuckles oh
yeah no I don't remember pull the take
them off you seen those lately I was
looking for reason was a one drop of
Honey really yeah yeah I've been
actually looking for they don't have
those out here in Los Angeles do they
cuz I thought I saw one the other day
and I'm like one too but I didn't
actually grab it and see if it was one I
think they have them somewhere but not a
lot definitely I miss those yeah they're
great when you're biking around um but
you just knew which ones were like f on
the purple pinky ones onnit.com enter in
theod named Rogan get 10% off that's it
that's the commercial boom AR shafir is
here start the program The Joe Rogan
Experience sneakiest commercial Joan
podcast by night all
day I'm revolutionizing
commercials I was trying to get uh
mushrooms for renesi and reap they're in
Missouri for shroomfest and I was like
I'll find them for you and I was putting
out there Network yeah I was like I'll
call my favorites if you guys want to
take part in this but then uh somebody
was like like why don't you just pick
them they're all over really and I
realized like I trust my drug dealer
over what I find in nature I had a guy
came up to me after the show Once one of
the creepiest dudes ever he's just
sweaty and weird and [ __ ] and he gave me
a bag of mushrooms hey man I picked
these myself I'm like [ __ ] I would
[ __ ] take your mushrooms crazy face
you picked your yeah but who do you
trust a regular just a weird looking
dude man well you know you trust you
trust people who know the right people
who are growing them you know you got to
get into the deep Matrix of the where to
get the mushrooms that's the problem the
other ones are super poisonous yeah it's
F WR way I don't know you know I I I
don't know how much different silis
hybrid mushrooms look than any other
mushrooms you know by the time I get
them they're all dried out and someone's
taking care of them I've never seen one
I don't think out in the wild I've never
seen that red top oh I've seen that man
really that was on my property in
Colorado really so did you take that no
I didn't but I took pictures of it oh
that's cool that was a red top with the
dot with the with the spots with the
white SP Mario Brother ones yeah the am
mascaria yeah that's the one that John
Marco algra well no see that's one
that's a very funky mushroom it's a
really different mushroom it's not it
doesn't have psilocybin in it it works
in a completely different way with your
body it's a psychedelic but it's
completely different and it's seasonable
it's variable genetically it's variable
from different climates what we're
getting in America I don't believe is
the same amonita muscaria mushroom
there's been a lot of debate on this
amongst uh all those uh psychedelic
connoisseurs those people Terence
McKenna type fellow and um that's one of
the reasons why a lot of people have
taken it and it doesn't do anything I
took it once and it didn't do [ __ ] I
took it with uh Doug stano mus maybe no
I don't know man Yan made it so you know
Yan's a [ __ ] he's a he's a he's a
real head yeah he would and he he did
the he did the right thing he did it all
right but it just wasn't getting us but
then um was one of did you eat anytime
near that time that you took it that
we did it the right way we did it the
right way but then uh we we mixed it
with psilocybin mushrooms dug through in
some silop and then we went to the
[ __ ] center of the universe it's like
mixing them together was a was a wow was
a total mind [ __ ] and you know that was
uh one of the the things that they
believe is uh s Som is was some sort of
a mixture and it's talked about with
great reverence in you know the the the
Hindu texts and Som is greater than
Brahma greater than Som no no no no no
no no that's just they just stole the
word what Som is is like the greatest
psychedelic ever apparently and so what
is that they don't know that's the
craziest thing about it it's written
with so much love but somehow somewhere
they lost the formula nobody knows what
Som is so it's all debated like Gordon
Watson thought it was the amonita
muscaria McKenna thought it was
psilocybin they think it might be a
commentatory drug with psilocybin mixed
in with some other stuff and some people
think it might be psilocybon and
ammonita muscaria they don't know so
what is this Ammon mascaria how does
that hit you what does that do for you
well it depends on where you get it see
everybody's got to like I said if if you
I don't I can't speak from personal
experience cuz what I got didn't really
work I don't think it's hard to tell
because it was like a few hours and it
really
hadn't out but with without s Ian I
don't know I mean it's supposed to yeah
it's supposed to be able to but I don't
know what in what form I don't know what
part of the world you got to get it it's
it's variable that's the that's the
issue with it it's not always
psychedelic but what it is is Santa
Claus the the [ __ ] the image of Santa
Claus being this red and white guy you
know the image of the trees underneath
the um the pine the excuse me the
presents underneath the pine cones or
the pine trees they it has a Michel
risal relationship with birch trees I
mean it literally grows under these
[ __ ] Christmas trees that's where it
grows and it's well wrapped in shiny
colors yeah it's beautiful it's shiny as
[ __ ] sounds like Eddie Griffin
conspiracy theory does it does but it
really that's really what it is I mean
the whole Christmas presentence under
the tree thing is directly related to
this amonita mascaria mushroom it is red
and white and the way they dry these
mushrooms out by the way is they hang
them over the fireplace that's why
people have red and white stockings
hanging over their fireplace why the
[ __ ] Elsey out to dry them out nice yeah
that's what it is so that it's become
this stocking now but what it used to be
is red and white mushrooms hanging
underneath your fireplace who where's
the proof of that it's a lot of proof a
lot of proof there's not only that all
the old all the old if you go back to
all the old Christmas cards they all
have mushrooms in them mushroom
symbology big Ammon mushroom uh in they
have elves what old Christmas all the
old Christmas cards look at the old
Christmas mushrooms well the elves are
what you see when you take mushrooms if
you take enough and then on top of it
the these elves are always playing with
mushrooms they always have this Ammon
mascaria Mushroom in Santa Claus it's
all yeah if you go back and look wait
hold on I thought Cocola made up Santa
Claus no no no no what a Coca-Cola
makeup oh you silly Jew what did
Coca-Cola makeup the colors no that was
that was claimed but then proof uh
became proof that there was an artist
from uh at least I believe a a decade or
two before that who attributed to making
Santa Claus red and white they thought
that Santa Claus was one color and then
he was made red and white because of um
because of Coca-Cola co-created the
black Santa Claus the black Santa Claus
Coca-Cola just created the black one I'm
going to find some pictures for you and
it was like grooving with some Coca-Cola
Santa and so it always had mushroom
stuff in it in the Christmas time did it
grow in that time um see I I
I here I bet is come on over here come
on over here look at this all these
Christmas things look at that I know and
Sant CL all people and every single
person that Drew every single one of
those lived in California dude dude
you're you're [ __ ] this are old as
[ __ ] these are from the 1700s dude oh
yeah okay look this is old as [ __ ] see
this Chris Christmas look amonita mcari
mushroom that's a really old picture
dude okay there's there's a bunch of
them look at them this is like all this
from a long time ago that was the norm a
long time ago in Europe especially it
was the
norm look at this well just just this is
what I want you to Google Just Google
Santa and amonita muscaria M imur that
yeah but you look at the ident if you go
to like say I don't know where Christmas
was born it seems like born in Germany
or something but but if you go to
Germany if you go to Germany and look at
same year try to find artwork of the
same Christmas stuff like in Germany
from that exact time period And I bet
none of them had mushrooms on they all
had like you know something you're just
you're just guessing this off the top of
your showing you pictures no I'm just
saying that but that's what I would
think well you would think wrong because
I'm showing you pictures of Christmas
cards from the 1700s that have all these
there was wacky Christmas cards Bri
there's a lot of look at this right here
look at this one right here with this
there an old picture of Santa and he's
got all these [ __ ] Amon mascaria
mushrooms at his feet where's that from
it's oh [ __ ] man let me find
out it's old as [ __ ] but where is it
from officially old as [ __ ] I'll find
out the ages of the pictures but these
These are you know these are like
ancient [ __ ] Christmas cards see
Easter can't see Santa Claus why would
you not see it I don't know it's just
like I why is this not talked about all
the time then you know like why why is
this not on regular TV and the news I
feel this is like the tower 7 of holiday
so you're saying it sort of just got
lost and mushrooms are just in it for
look there's so many correlations listen
listen to the connections okay yeah the
the the way they dry these [ __ ]
things out is twofold one they hang them
on the trees they put them in the
branches so they dry by the Sun or B
they hang them under the fireplace what
do they do you see [ __ ] stockings
hanging on the fireplace
or Tre you know it's they literally grow
under the same tree that we use as a
Christmas tree and they are shiny
packages and if you get them from the
right place apparently they make you
trip the [ __ ] out and they respond
that's the the mushroom that they
believe is responsible for you know the
the writings in the Bible it's the the
sacred Mushroom in the cross the Amon
muscar mushroom is on the cover the
sacred Mushroom in the cross it just
makes sense to me that if scholars
believe that there's a connection
between this mushroom and religious
texts then of course there's a
connection between this mushroom and
Santa Claus and if you add up all the
things that that line up as far as like
hanging it over the fireplace and
putting it on trees it totally could be
possible so is if you go to encyclopedia
britannica's headquarters in wherever
that would be like Wisconsin and you go
through them and go all right what is
this Christmas to you what do you guys
have about the mushroom thing that
they're like what the [ __ ] you talking
about get out of here hippie you know
don't wouldn't you think that well I
think that they're not that willing to
to incorporate any sort of illegal drug
ideology into their their their work
they probably just would ignore it even
if there's a lot of evidence do you
think sometimes that people that do a
lot of mushrooms try to make connections
with everything in pastory sure
definitely they 420 people I think
that's what my judge if I had to judge
like if this was a game show that's what
my judgment would be it's like yeah
that's just some hippie that made this
awesome connection it's a great story
and that's a silly thing when you're not
okay well that's a Dumb Way To Think
because Scholars
like I'm not sold on anything I'm not
sold on anything but I'm definitely not
sold on you just talking off your ass no
I'm I'm I'm just putting a counter point
I'm counter you're putting a
Counterpoint to a [ __ ] guy who is a
scholar John Marco algro studied the
dead schol that say the exact opposite
years the only ones that do are
religious ones I know but but who who
says religious ones
hean only couldn't it be we're not
talking about py bran we're talking
about Dead Sea Scrolls well wouldn't
even be encyclopedia couldn't it be part
of the couldn't it be part of like the
was it Christmas originally the pagan
holiday and Christianity to it couldn't
be part of that pagan holiday that
ritual they took over that they used
those Gods it's just the the the real
question is what's with the elves what's
with the [ __ ] mushrooms and all these
Christmas pictures what's with the
correlations why do these mushrooms
exist you know and why do they coincide
with this holiday what is the big deal
well the big deal is these people were
tripping their [ __ ] balls off man
that's what it is and it became somehow
or another it turned into a a guy coming
down the chimney and giving you presents
what it was is this was this was some
[ __ ] they found under the tree that's
much more likely to me if you got a
[ __ ] plant that makes you trip balls
and and ancient people find out about it
they worship that [ __ ] you know it
becomes like a huge in part of their
life could you imagine if your world was
the regular world of people that lived
before books yeah you know I mean you're
barely civilized barely got it together
people are just getting by every day be
get sick nobody know what the [ __ ] was
going on there was no doctors we you
just died man you just they gave you
some leaves to chew on and you usually
just [ __ ] died what if they found
something like this if they found that
there was some mushrooms and you would
eat them and all a
sudden you'd be lying in a field and
[ __ ] spiraling Through the Universe
on the most Wild Ride of of of of joy
and Ecstasy of your life and then you
would you would want to [ __ ] praise
that [ __ ] you would want to make that
yeah you would want to create a holiday
you'd want to make it a part of your
your your everyday life you would you
would be worshiping it you know that's
that's the feeling behind a lot of
people what why there was all this
cattle Worship in the ancient world yeah
you know cuz no one can understand that
like why why would you have these like
really aggressive primates they did
worship cats yeah but they didn't
worship them like people worship like
the Hindus worshiped cows really I think
yeah cows are much do H worship cows
they just say they leave them alone no
man you don't you don't eat them they
don't eat them they consider them sacred
they consider them uh I don't I don't
know the something something cool they
consider them something cool but I think
that has to do with the cow [ __ ] says
about it and mushrooms growing in the
cow [ __ ] this is what Wikipedia has
about it about what um Christmas the
relation to from mushrooms to um Santa
Claus okay um Fly AAR appear I don't
know what fly agar are Gars that's the
the actual plant so okay appear on
Christmas cards and New Year's cards
from around the world as a symbol of
good luck the ethnobotanist Jonathan a
has suggested the idea of Santa Claus
and tradition of hanging stockings over
the fireplace based essentially upon
this mushroom
itself H there's a lot of people that
have had proposed g red and white color
scheme he argu a Santa Claus suit is
related to the mushroom he also draws on
parallels with flying reindeer reindeer
have been reported to consume the
mushroom and prints around in an
intoxicated manner afterwards isn't that
wild that's what's what's up about
flying reindeer reindeer loves amonita
muscaria mushrooms so much that when
people have these mushroom they trip out
the people yeah they do well when people
well the other thing about amonita
muscaria mushrooms is about recycling
the urine the way to really trip your
balls off is apparently a lot of
whatever it is that psychoactive inside
the mushroom is it passes through your
body and into your urine and if you
drink your urine it kicks the whole
experience to the next level what do you
mean while you're on it while you're
tripping balls you P I go PE a lot
you're going to go deep deep deep the
guy the dude who told me who did it said
it was it was crazy he was like he was
tripping and everybody's like okay if
you have to pee you got to drink your
pee and he's like [ __ ] man I don't want
to drink my pee I'm already tripping
balls this is good this is good and he
drank his pee and he was
like shot through yeah psilocybin
mushrooms that's the case amonita mcar I
would think while I'm mushrooms I'd be
like dude don't trust your this is just
the mushrooms talking do
not no it's the shaman talking it's like
the the ancient tradition of doing it if
that's how you take it to the next level
while you're in the middle of your
mushroom experience you drink your urine
and whatever it is or psilocin
psilocybin whatever it is it's passed
through I don't know the technical
components of it but apparently talking
to several people have done it this is
what this guy says he said if Santa
Claus had one eye or if magic Ur had
been part of his Legend we'd be it'd be
way easier to believe but it's that's
why it's not that's why there's dispute
it's like it's not super clear well yeah
who the [ __ ] knows I think it's possible
though there was an article about in the
magazine Sunday times in 1980 and the
new scientist in 1986 those are those
are legitimate yeah well it's not you
know this is not my wacky idea this is
an idea that's been kicked around for
decades people believe it that are uh
you know like there are serious Scholars
that that believe in this silly idea but
uh the um the whole idea of it being
illegal is what's the most fascinating
thing to me whole idea that these
mushrooms are illegal that this is a
this is somehow or another some person
has decided to pass some sort of a law
saying that you can't experience this
it's bad for you I was walking out of a
pot store uh once early on uh at a Zen I
was like I still felt like it's like
cool that I'm having drugs and I saw a
cop on the corner I was like doesn't
matter I'm holding my drugs but then I
realized my other hand I had a bag of
mushrooms I was like oh this I got to
hide try not to be so weird you [ __ ]
dork walking down the street with
mushrooms in your hand wow you're just
living that crazy comedy life son I
guess yeah cares in La they don't care
in LA but I hope it stays this way you
know it's the the real issue is the
federal issue you know if we could find
one cool spot and if they you know
supported State's rights we could find a
cool spot where we could make pretty
much everything legal we all got
together and said hey we're going to
have one Clarity State there's a state
where you know is murder crime theft all
that stuff yeah that's all illegal arson
illegal rapes illeg yeah the rest of it
shut up man the rest of it just shut the
[ __ ] up there's too many goddamn laws
this is this is how it's going to go
down this is where the money's going to
go here this is going to be legal you
this will be regulated this you know you
have to buy in a store well then you'll
know it's pure and it's tested by the
government that's where the government
can help out test mushrooms that's what
you want you want to help out you want
to really be service of the people this
is what we do we get rid of some of the
government jobs that John Hopkins study
right we yeah the John Hopkins study
said that people taking mushrooms uh
even just one experience significantly
affected them for decades
significantly affected their personality
changed it for the better I know
psychedelic experience has changed me I
I know every time I I take them when I I
have like thoughts of uh what I need to
do right or what I'm doing wrong or
what's what's [ __ ] with me or you
know that's those are just jolts of
reality that you don't get unless you
take a psychedelic you can you can get
you can get like pretty deep when you
outside you really like easily you could
get pretty deep when you meditate and
I'm not above uh the idea that some
people can get to psychedelic States
naturally because it's been written
about by so many people I think it's a
discipline issue I think it's just like
you could tell someone hey uh you know I
could teach you martial arts and uh you
could go and kick somebody's ass and
then you're like really are you sure and
then I give you like one lesson and
throw you in there with a guy like
Marcelo Garcia and you just get
manhandled you're like I could never
[ __ ] do this because I don't think
it's a one I don't think a lot of people
would what you think is possible due to
meditation is based on your level of
meditation how how deep have you taken
it you know I mean how relaxed do you
get how centered do you get when you
meditate cuz some people get super
distracted and it it never gets more
than a yeah it never gets more than a
surface sort of I go real deep with
mushrooms I take a little there's like I
see like these Universal truths and I
can sort of hold on to it barely for
like a second or two or like a day but
then it's like the more I go the more I
can bring back and remember yeah like oh
yeah this thing against right all about
you know it's always humbling right
always humbling yeah it's like you don't
matter you don't matter well you do you
do I mean you do you you have intent and
you have you know will and you can
spread positive energy you you do you do
matter yeah you know you matter but I
mean godamn there's a lot of us you know
and we're all a part of one thing you
know it's not if we all matter then you
matter as well it's not that you don't
matter but godamn it's big it's [ __ ]
giant it's all encompassing it's not
just your house it's not just your car
it's not just your street or your
neighborhood it's the whole [ __ ]
universe and it's all together in one
giant [ __ ] soup we just can't feel it
we just can't feel it we feel like
there's well there's distance between us
and Mars there's no distance everything
between this and that there's something
there okay whether it's dark matter or
[ __ ] you can't see or stuff we haven't
discovered there is nowhere where
there's not something yeah there's no
even in a vacuum there's something
there's something everywhere and you
know whether it's subatomic whether it's
you it's we are connected to everything
everywhere and that is impossible to
recognize without some sort of a
full-blown psychedelic experience it
takes something like that to feel it
because otherwise it's just a bunch of
words cuz I thought all those words
before you know I thought all those
words like yeah you know it's kind of
cool I think we're all kind of connected
and you know and think yeah the universe
is huge and you know I had all those
thoughts before psychedelics and I had
them with you know a certain amount of
clarity yeah but there's a big
difference between I feel like it sucks
you out and just makes you see like
you're just one of even in your state of
of so many people that you're just like
a blip and then you see time before you
and after you and you're like oh my God
yeah it's insane it's insane to think
that you know that we have this short
amount of time here and it seems like as
the time goes on you just start figuring
out what the [ __ ] is going on you know
like as you get to that's that's like
the thing about people today we live
long enough to see the hustle we live
long enough to see the [ __ ] you know
if we were Romans man we would all be
long Dead all of us we're in our you're
in our your 30s I'm in my 40s we're dead
people yeah we're dead there's no way
we'd be alive we were alive we'd be
totally crippled we'd have lion bites on
our dicks and [ __ ] big f one of us would
be in an arm or something you know you
get [ __ ] up back then man but today we
can live and we live safely and we have
enough nutrition and you're eating
vitamins and everything and you live
long enough to see the goddamn hustle 10
years ago they said one out of two
people in England would live to see 100
God damn wouldn't you love to live in a
castle though back in the day like where
you had the little Courtyards little
houses in between like inside the castle
castle Yeah like like a really big one
drafty as I think that would be crazy
because you you have this one GI house
and everybody around you has little
houses that's the dumbest way to live no
no I mean like would wouldn't that be
cool just to like experience it for like
3 days or something like that I
experience what would be like to have
all those people in those little houses
want to kill you your gold yeah I wonder
if it was like that can you imagine that
if everybody else is starving and
there's this giant house with people
that are eating gold sandwiches I me
like you sound like you're describing
Bashar Assad Bashar Assad what is that
he's the leader of Syria oh really yeah
it's like everyone's starting over V but
it's like I still got the guns oh wow is
that over
there it's it's how crazy is the that
whole Arab area the whole Arab Spring
thing and what this is nuts man I took
that guy in my death pool did you really
yeah it's a uh strange strange time for
that the whole part of the yeah they're
all internet making everybody like wait
what that did what over there really
yeah well they they problem he let them
have the internet really is that what
happened he finally like went LA on the
internet and then they he was like it
was his downfall
yeah that in the CIA [ __ ] you know the
CIA had a little piece of that that's
they said all saying it's outside
influence like you shouldn't be
listening that's that's spies that are
starting all
this but maybe yeah that's the best way
to overthrow them get their own people
to do it for us yeah sure arm them arm
them help them and also all we're trying
to get them to do is just live free yeah
but that [ __ ] don't work that way make
the new boss same as the old boss that's
what's going on in Iraq right now Iraq
apparently is just a [ __ ] mess right
now really yeah there's like a Civil War
about to break out that's what they
always said soon would happen as soon as
we left that was going to happen right
of course man we we you know there's a
vacuum when there's a vacuum someone's
going to seek to fill it and there's a
lot of people that are still alive that
were alive back during the Saddam era
you know and those those people are
going to try to get control of that
[ __ ] and then there's new people moving
in and then there's also the idea that
you know the the connection between you
know Iraq and uh Afghanistan and all of
our resources and what where the [ __ ] is
this country going and why do we have a
hundred different bases all over the
country or over the world it's like you
know what are we wasting our time and
our resources on is this really
necessary anymore or is this just a
bunch of people who have contracts and
we keep giving them contracts because
it's just what we've always done and
that's how they you know got involved
that's how they keep politicians in
office and and then we're stuck because
that's what it seems like what it is
we're [ __ ] shafir this what they said
what Occupy Wall Street finally said
they like the problem is if you get
sponsored by a big Corporation you know
they give you a bunch of money for your
campaign they can effectively fire You
by withholding that money that you need
to get elected
again you know say good luck doing this
without you know $500 million in your in
your in your ad budget this year or
however much it is probably a lot
more I don't know you need to get those
[ __ ] mushrooms yeah right that's what
we need to do take to Christmas that's a
good answer to a lot of things those
[ __ ] on mushrooms I tell to a lot of
people it really is true I like when's
the last time we did some mushrooms
maybe take some sounds like you can use
last time I did mushrooms I found
something crazy out like I had a huge
bag of really good mushrooms and I took
half of them and tripped my ass off
hardest I've you know super hard trip of
super visuals hang on hold on I want to
say this real quick I don't want you get
back to your story this is where I
realized everybody's like oh the
mushrooms I get are super good and
everybody says that but they really mean
it's mushrooms are super good yeah yeah
well well well then and then I uh you
ever got bad no well I have the first
time the first time I took it had the
greatest time second time I ate like 2
hours before and was just like sitting
on the couch watching Adventure Time and
going wow this is all right but but I
took more the second time and it was the
same mushrooms and uh the first time I
tripped my ass off because I didn't eat
anything else the whole day um well it
also could be you know I've heard of uh
people getting mushrooms actually I
heard you of mushrooms you said it had
some mold on it and the mold you like
food poison
pooning that's what's going to happen I
think sometimes you get sick from
mushrooms and that's usually it because
I've never gotten sick from my friend
barfed his first time I got a billy goat
stomach I can I can eat some [ __ ] I've
never barfed but my friend who gave him
to me the first time who may used to
make him for everybody was said you will
get you feel nauseous like you're going
to throw up he's like you won't throw up
just sit down look up in the air for a
while the feeling will pass Fear Factor
completely changed my whole ability to
withstand smells and and people vomiting
how you can handle anything now I'm
immune I'm completely immune to getting
sick watching someone vomit wow you know
because you I used to get I used to
physically gag if I smelled puke like
when I was a kid you remember you know
what it like baby bird I was getting n
yeah baby bird was no problem for me man
I just sat right through that the wind
would shift and you catch a whiff of it
yeah it was it was horrendous baby bird
if you don't know was the greatest gag
in the history of radio day of all time
and Ari and I were there uh
and Bill Burr and Jimmy Norton and what
it was was there was this crazy kid that
they had working for Opie and Anthony
and his name is Pat Duffy you got to
back up tell what B what baby bird is
yeah well this is I'm going to I'm going
to explain it through this way I'm just
explain this kid and they can get this
kid to do anything this kid brushed his
teeth with dog [ __ ] he was he was a a
maniac he's a [ __ ] Maniac I saw him
drink other people's puke I saw him
drink a glass full of other dude's pukes
dudes threw up there was like some sort
of eating contest was a uh eggnog
drinking contest yeah but that's this
was a different one I'm talking about a
different one but I've I've seen him
I've seen him do some ridiculous [ __ ]
yeah before this okay so we had uh a
bunch of there guys there for the egg
drinking contest and Pat from munaki is
the Ace in the Hole he wins that [ __ ]
every year he's got diabetes diabetes
shot as soon as he's done with it yeah
so he's not supposed to be drinking
eggnog in the first place and he's
drinking like [ __ ] gallons of it he's
a big boy it's a double shot every 60
seconds yeah and he's up to like 70 70
glasses shot start like chucking oh man
it's seemed like 78 in some people some
people by the way this is nonalcoholic
this is just eggnog um some because if
he drank like 70 shots he'd be a dead
man you know he'd be a dead yeah yeah
but um so what was your question when
did people start start start boering cuz
it like got 70 yeah he got up to like 70
shots I believe it was something insane
it was ridiculous and he said he was
going to puke and we were trying to
figure out what to do with the puke and
just as a joke I did not think anybody
would say this I said why don't you have
this kid lean his head into the into the
the garbage pail and have Pat throw up
in his
mouth I mean I just I came up with the
dumbest [ __ ] ever because I I didn't
think anybody would say yes and we were
un Edibles at the time right probably
99% sure % I always am if I do Opie and
Anthony um so so we were you know high
as a kite and I never thought anyone was
going to such crazy extremes yeah it was
ridiculous the dude lay he laid on his
back with with the garbage pil and put
his put his body into it he was getting
a wash before a haircut just all the way
back yeah it was one of those big tubs
you know nice good siiz Garbage Pail and
he leans back and opens his mouth and
this guy Pat fromi and it's available
online right you can watch it YouTube I
had two of the videos online one got
taken down because somebody complained
that it was disgusting but there's
another one on there can you find it
somewhere just find uh we can't play it
why can't we play it cuz we don't have
that technology at this here you know
yeah yeah okay all right um either way
at this one we need to set up that
technology here huh U but so this this
dude I mean
just baby bird there pictures I believe
there's video too the the amount the
volume
out of he enveloping the other guy it
was insane it was the craziest thing I'd
ever seen anybody ever do I mean he's
hurling hurling onto this guy's face and
it's like a cartoon throw up it doesn't
totally doesn't look real you remember
pouring out a bucket of water out a
window so
much much this giant fat man just
unloading and you know what I talked to
opian Anthony they said they would never
be able to do that again what they said
you can't do that again Reas insurance
reasons tighten actually
dangerous [ __ ] yeah it's dangerous [ __ ]
yeah it's dangerous we're glass no one
died somebody died in uh Sacramento I
believe was it Sacramento from water
they they were drinking water shots of
water see how long you yeah she she she
died from overdose of water it's on
break.com is it on break.com oh
beautiful go check that out folks trust
me it's worth it sheer Ridiculousness
it's just one of the most ridiculous
things I've ever seen a person do
ever we were there Ari that was so great
it was so great you were there right no
you weren't there Brian no you put the
videos up were sending listening later
oh that's right he um wish were there
the barfing started like 7 Minutes
people would like throw up and they were
out and then more he start and then one
guy barfed into
some uh Froot Loops and started eating
it with a spoon oh my God that's [ __ ]
that same kid Pat Duff and it just
ramped up yeah like it was like that's
right you eat his
fr
of that oh that's right I forgot that
part and it was just like building and
building and there was so much barf in
the air if you want to have uh if you
want to be a shock Jun that kid is the
greatest intern you could ever hope to
hire I mean that that kid's a goddamn
kamakazi if he's still alive if he's
alive he's alive he's alive he messaged
me on Twitter a while back they kept
throwing that stuff in in Roland's face
yeah and he would almost barf they kept
like showing it to him they EA the FR
Loop disgusting this is the picture it's
the if you go baby bird OA and do a
Google image search it's the first one
that pops up oh what an amazing photo it
is too come on I want to show this it's
just so silly it's so great anyway what
were we saying they can't do that
anymore there's massive law massive um
lawsuits massive uh you know this really
what it is basically too much you know
they've they've clamped down and they've
made sure that there's less probability
for getting sued and when there's less
probability of getting sued there's also
less of probability something [ __ ]
crazy happening Supreme Court
entertainment just took on the case you
would love this of um getting rid of the
FCC standards on network television
really yeah they said pretty much since
99% of people have cable it's ridiculous
anyway Channel 7's okay but Channel 8's
not like why yeah um uh yeah and they're
hearing it now whether they have to do
that anymore they can still find people
unfortunately people are going to fight
it though there's a lot of like pro-
family Pro Christian there a lot money
you know like there will be a program
that be able to show you if there's
nudity God look at that photo my God
look at that photo Jesus [ __ ]
Christ you can put that picture up you
can put that picture up in the is this
the only way to do it here uh no no
already emailed it to me I could do it
okay it's it's showing is that the most
ridiculous [ __ ] it's so it looks like
he's a spider like breaking it down with
his end signs breaking down that other
guy it looks a
cartoon anyway we'll talk about
something else before I get sick godamn
yeah you can't do that anymore it was no
fun I mean if if you want to have a
business though I mean you got to think
and when you get involved in something
like you know serious look this this
gigantic [ __ ] huge company that's
worth hundreds of millions of dollars
they can't lose everything yeah because
you [ __ ] want to drink egg idiot
face that's a problem man yeah you know
Anthony Kumi is uh his show is now on
iTunes
and he's got a video on he has video on
iTunes how he doing that I think I don't
know but well he's paying for video a
video host wow but uh I I tried to do it
twice now and then the video wouldn't
play like his bandwidth must be [ __ ]
or something like that because yeah I
would imagine I think he just did it I
BR probably doesn't realize how much
money he's going to have to pay in
bandwidth well people don't realize you
have to have a host like if if you put
something on iTunes and it it is free
you know I mean you you can put your
[ __ ] on iTunes but someone has to be
downloading it from somewhere and you
have to have a host where they down like
iTunes is not like storing your stuff
and they're not providing bandwidth
they're basically providing a link to uh
a website a server that you pay for
right and what's funny is there's a lot
of web host like unfortunately I use
dream host which all my life has has
been great but I had to switch to uh a
cloud computing thing where like uh but
it was unlimited bandwidth unlimited
storage and and then no I'm on oh good
and then and then but what they don't
tell you is no wait it doesn't count
like unlimited memory of the computer or
something like that you know like if
there's too many people know then yeah
so then you have to raise your bandwidth
and it's so [ __ ] the whole thing is
a [ __ ] they tell you it's unlimited
bandwidth and they tell you yeah but
they trick you because then they're like
oh yeah it's unlimited all thatb but you
know it's uh your memory you know and
your computers you know you you got to
have more you know they trigger in that
so they might buy more more hard drives
computer RAM like what do you mean by
memory do you mean by data storage space
or is it like Ram like Ram pretty much
so you buy more RAM yeah and then and
then so I like now you're done by Ram
but what's [ __ ] is there there's s
like dream host I don't I'm sorry I'm
going to start bashing you now but uh
dream host like will have the thing
where you you can search you can search
like how uh you have graphs of how much
you use how much RAM you use every hour
right and so you like I think I'm paying
for I forget how many let's just say a
thousand uh Ram uh it and I'll be using
like 400 most of the time then out of
nowhere my [ __ ] will crash and they're
like oh you need to up your even more
RAM you got to think though dude you're
you're running a lot of traffic no no
but but they're saying is that my Ram
has doubled in one second and crashes
the computer but it doesn't show it on
the graph and they're like oh it's just
there's spikes I'm like yeah spikes a
doubling in one second and you don't
have it on your graph oh yeah so then
they make you go up more yeah they can't
prove it to you
for no
reason you feel like you got ganked I'm
getting ganked every day with this
[ __ ] dream H and what's funny is I
I've had a website with them for a long
ass time and before I was on before I
was on cloud computing before when I was
just spending like $18 a month I still
had a website that got hit a lot you
doing all the videos like Carlos Mania
videos and all those other videos we
used to do all the time my [ __ ] got hit
a lot and it never went down it never
was like a problem but they get you on
these cloud computing now it's just [ __ ]
dream host that's all I'm saying weird
wow this is a very angry Brian [ __ ]
dream host see fired up man science
stuff gets passionate about his poor
little site you know I feel like he'd be
like a lot more comfortable he just had
a Wikipedia
page P I'm getting beat by a wrestler so
you really believe that if you get this
Shorty award thing that somehow or
another a few admin administers who have
contacted me through Wikipedia uh
they're just [ __ ] you I want to tell
you a story about George SC they don't
like you and then once once you get a
shorty award they're going to go who the
[ __ ] gives a [ __ ] about your shorty
award [ __ ] and then you going to be
like God damn it work so hard get that
shorty award they're making me work for
it those Wikipedia [ __ ] got one on
Oscar for pattent and said I'm not going
to that and just didn't show up cuz what
the [ __ ] do I care wow well he was a bad
[ __ ] did you ever see the
Hustler yeah Geor she Scott was a scary
character in The hostle you owe me
money a scary dude man this is after he
he's saying he's screaming that to Paul
Newman after he [ __ ] Paul Newman's
girlfriend and forced her to commit
suicide and then he said you owe me
money I was like whoa like it hasn't
stopped yeah he was he was a scary dude
that was a great [ __ ] movie man
imagine how good that movie must have
been in like what was it like' 64 or
something like that it was a really old
movie you know imagine how good it was
then [ __ ] there's something movies
man that just hold up and there's other
ones you watch you just go what the [ __ ]
like what happened what happened between
you know I always got uncomfortable when
I saw stuff like that in movies I don't
know why it made me like feel extra bad
with some girl being like Unfaithful or
like really [ __ ] over somebody
sexually it always made me feel like oh
God that bothers you the most that's way
worse than if you're experimenting on
homeless people H did you when you were
young did you have like a girl that you
were really in love with and she she
left you for another dude uh-uh you
always thought that that was going to
happen maybe maybe that's maybe because
it didn't happen see to me
my I dated a a gang of [ __ ] in a row
and I caught a bunch of them banging
other dudes and so when that happens
it's like it lowers your expectations
whatever it's fine happens you know I
mean I I realized as I got older that it
was mostly my fault and I was attracting
the wrong [ __ ] person to my
life you know you attract you're
attracting someone
just likes to [ __ ] and you're like damn
it I fell in love well part of it is
that and part of it is subconsciously I
think you're just trying to attract the
wrong person possible subconsciously you
don't think you're worthy of anybody any
good so you just get these nightmares
that you know are never going to last
yeah and then you get stuck I love how
Dr Jew always says that like do you
always date this type of person like no
I mean yeah they all hit me but what do
you mean there's no correlation right my
dad hit me people are [ __ ] strange
with patterns man they're strange with
getting locked into things you know like
I I knew dudes and I never understood
this that could not stop going to the
track they would go to the racetrack and
to them it was their crack man they you
know there was guys that didn't even
have any money and they would go and
hang out with dudes who had money hoping
that if the guy won something he would
give them a gapper so they could [ __ ]
put it on yeah well that's the gamblers
Creed a gapper is you know you know you
throw 20 this guy's way he sweats your
match you throw 50 his way like it's a
big thing in the pool world like say if
you know if you are hanging with a bunch
of guys and everyone's broke and one guy
wins a bunch of money he'll give his
friend some money if they're hanging out
with him and they sweat his match what
do swe his match Che watch yeah watch
his match and it's sort of like when you
give guys gaers it gets you know spreads
a little of the it's it's the right
intention it spreads a little of the
money around that way one day when
you're broke cuz all those yeah all
those pool Hustlers all all professional
pool players and one point in time we're
probably broke or will be broke again
it's a tough living you know when you're
out there gambling and you're trying to
play in tournaments and you can't get
rolls and you're trying to make money
and you're trying to pay for hotel bills
and it's a hard life the the the life of
the professional pool player out of all
the skill games of the world might be
one of the hardest lives they don't make
that much money man it's hard it's a
hard gig it's hard to put it together
there's only a few guys at the very top
that like really make money hard gig is
so much easier hard gigs easiest but you
got to be funny if you're not funny our
gig is death yeah if you can't catch a
break if you're not supposed to be a
comedian our gig is the scariest thing
in the world for a lot of people there's
a lot of guys who aren't supposed to be
comedians that are doing just fun I know
isn't that weird yeah it is weird when
you're like what we all everyone agrees
you're bad it's yeah it's weird how some
guys even though they're terrible
somehow or another they wound up
sticking around long enough to get paid
for it occasionally yeah and not a lot
but every now and then they'll like get
a gig here and a gig there and some
people make plenty of money yeah and
you're like what the [ __ ] is going on
like is it just a making friends thing
time lot it's totally a lot of it cuz
there's a few people and we know who
they are we won't have to say any names
here but when they go on stage it's like
they're they're doing their best
impression of a comedian yeah you know I
I think that's everybody who starts
comedy sure but these are like they stay
in it they never lose that like let me
do the impression yeah yeah you know
those where you you work with them on
the road somewhere and you're like what
the [ __ ] am I seeing yeah
but they trick somebody into hiring them
somewhere I think there's enough
comedians now that they don't ever have
to do that anymore it's not necessary
there's plenty of us you know there's
enough comedians you know you just got
to like get in there needs to be a
network where people can find where the
good ones are I sense of resurgence I I
think comedy coming back all this junk
is helping a lot people get to know
people way easier yeah yeah podcasts
help for sure they're like oh these
comedians are like cool thing they're
all sort of talking and stuff and yeah
having having the podcast and having
people come to the shows because of the
podcast but I think even beside outside
of the podcast like like Louis CK you
know his uh the situation where he's
selling his things online I think that
that gives a big Resurgence to it too
people hear the story excited about it I
just remember when the Last Comic
Standing started The Comedy Store
numbers went way up yeah just CU
everyone had remembered like oh yeah
comedy comedy is [ __ ] great man so
great it's such a great night yeah as a
fan you know before I was ever a
comedian man that was my favorite thing
to do yeah I would never pay a lot extra
for it on New Year's cuz I've seen it
too or anything like that like it's just
a good fun date yeah yeah especially you
know if people in town whatever yeah we
we've gone on the road and I I have a
couple of times and I'm in town when
someone I like is playing somewhere and
then I go see them and I can actually
sit and watch like a tell man yeah when
when I get high at the store Sebastian
is so goddamn funny really he's so
[ __ ]
funny yeah it's just so fun to watch I
was like yeah somebody made a date out
of this yeah yeah it's um it's a cool
art for man I I love watching it just as
much as I love doing it yeah we're lucky
as [ __ ] man I watched Ice Road Truckers
the other day that's way harder it's way
harder imagine being an Ice Road Trucker
imagine that I know the worst job this
is the worst job what's the worst job uh
Tiana hookers cost used to cost $72 and
it's the breakdown was SE UH 60 for the
girl which she splits up with the pimp
however I'm not sure uh 11 for the room
and one for the cleanup guy who that's
the worst job whoa $1 clean up jizz
spots and and probably over and over and
over again not just jiz yeah Tiana
people just [ __ ] all over everybody
everything's going on down there during
the day they're still at full capacity
in business it's really crazy how close
that is to San Diego everybody used to
do that as their trip but could you
imagine man being a person who lives in
Tijuana and just knowing that San Diego
is right there and right there there's
white people with $7 million houses on
the beach and they're drinking
margaritas and talking about their
pedicure lady gross Border Town you're
in a house made out of
cardboard it's just 20 minutes away you
can drive to their house in 20 minutes
that's
insane how weird is that how weird is it
that there's a third world and the peak
of the First World San Diego is a pretty
goddamn nice city neighbor beautiful
yeah there's one neighborhood there's
one Island I forget what the island is
it's off of San Diego it's like a little
very small and very exclusive Island
where it's one of the richest pieces of
real estate in the country that's where
Donald Rumsfeld no Catalina is off of
this area it's like Santa Monica this
one is off it's a small Okay jump
between this and I forget what it's
called super Elite super wealthy people
like ridiculous stupid [ __ ] Mansions
you know $20 million properties [ __ ]
like that and that's like a drive to
Mexico
man it's so bizarre and I guess I don't
know I mean I guess the Mexicans if they
want to can get in a boat and just sneak
up and get there really quick just pull
into their neighborhood with a boat they
come to get you for real man you could
be like hardcore Mexican you know gang
bangers they have some castles there
hardcore Mexican drug dealers and just
getting a boat just get in a boat and
figure out a way to just do it by cover
of night they kill people that going to
rehub there do they really they're like
I said don't get off the sauce what yeah
really where in in to all the Border
towns like how you said that too don't
get off the sauce look you're a 1940s
movie Bad Guy see the [ __ ] was that
don't get off the sauce see you listen
to me
see watching an old movies is like
watching a movie from another country
I've been watching some old movies
lately I saw Billy Madison not so old
but that's Billy pretty recent like 20
years ago we're talking about like Clark
Gable type [ __ ] you're talking about
Billy Madison I'm talking about watching
some stuff from watch some stuff from
like the 40s and 50s I love it I'm
addicted language I I love looking at
that old [ __ ] so weird yeah what you
what have you ever seen that's good uh I
just watched um how green was
myy that's a great with the the one with
Clark Gable uh Gone With the Wind oh
yeah I think we talked about that yeah
but it was just weird like the slavery
aspects in that and stuff like that yeah
that's what was going down back then H
there was something else I just watched
the other day [ __ ] have you ever seen
who's Afraid of Virginia wolf no a um
Elizabeth um what the [ __ ] her name
the [ __ ] who got married 100,000 times
elab Taylor tlor Elizabeth Taylor
Elizabeth Taylor when she was hot as
[ __ ] my god when she was young my God
that woman was hot that's why we still
talk about
her she was hot I don't know if she's
still alive you know I don't know but
she's you know she's getting old there
she's married a couple gay guys along
the way it got got weird for a while
poor lady when she was young though man
woo God damn I mean it falls apart for
everybody but yeah I think for her it
was you used to have such a great saying
did you ever Color Purple everybody hits
the wall yeah you're like in 800 billion
years of development theall wall
undefeated the Wall's 6 billion and
o no one's ever beaten the wall Wall's
coming [ __ ] it's coming for you too did
you ever see the color purple yes think
I see the what you know what I might not
have oh yeah I've seen that I was really
stunned and watch it like Oprah and it
was like really weird slavery sexual
slavery [ __ ] in it was weird well that
was a big part of slavery so weird big
part of slavery was the the master
coming down and and banging the slaves
Danny Glover that was that was legit man
they used to have children with I
couldn't watch it yeah but that's what
it was about I couldn't watch it it was
just too too creepy could you imagine
Color Purple was right after slavery you
thought what was Color Purple I don't
know I'm pretty sure I didn't actually
say it it's one of those that I always
intend on seeing but I never get around
to it yeah but I I think it was like
super common for the slave owners to
have sex with their slaves oh yeah
Benjamin Franklin right you have a ton
of grandkids that way I wonder how many
of the male slaves had sex with the the
women cuz that must have been going on
too where women were ignored and you
know they got the male slaves to bang
them God the punishment for that was
just clearly death I wonder is it worth
it I wonder I wonder if you're allowed
to there must have been those stories of
having H like the she gets pregnant she
who did it yeah I mean it has to have
happened listen man as long as there's
dudes slinging dick there's chicks
jumping on as long as have been black
people they have been attracted to white
women yep and as long as theyve been
white women they've been attracted to
black dicks yeah it's like grow my weed
and smoke my dick to the slave that's
what she would say no that's what you
would say to your your slave grow my
weed and suck my dick smoke my dick and
smoke my dick okay Brian sometimes write
these down and go over them and go is
this worth interjecting in there grow my
weed and you're like damn it that wasn't
good it all comes from a good place we
have to remember that talking I was you
guys were talking about slaves right
[ __ ] your slaves yes I get you and I
just said I wasn't doing a bit I just he
was trying to J bu it's okay buddy we're
just trying to keep the conversation
moving I'm not trying to be harsh I'm
going to be in Minneapolis what are you
doing at the end of um you doing Acme
Rick brunson's House of Comedy oh what
is that is that a new place yeah he owns
a place in Edmonton too com STP I love
Minneapolis but I can't fade that
[ __ ] wintertime son it's a Mall of
America I might never have to leave so
you go you fly into the mall no I W have
to go from the flight somehow or you're
going to be outside you're going to
you're going to have to be in that tube
I hate the winter every buing I'm like
they're like what do you got in February
like what do you got in April it's cold
as
[ __ ] yeah it's like it gets like zero
that's what I'm going to Thursday and
it's going to start snowing Thursday
Ohio yeah right now it's 50 but
supposedly there's just like this sleep
and freezing rain and snowstorm [ __ ]
going the day I planned I I hit freezing
rain once in Ohio did a 360 on the
highway really yep with me and Chris
Maguire 360 flipped all the way y all
the way around missed the guard rail
missed everything just kept driving my
dad used to he was driving over the
bridge you know how you you go over
Bridges and bridges are the place where
black eyes forms yeah yeah cuz actually
the wind coming over there freezes it so
how about that a 360 on a bridge and did
what did you hit nothing wow yeah spun
around that must be God right yep yeah
that must be
word why isn't it God Ari [ __ ] maybe
it's the secret maybe you BL the not
make that go maybe you engineered it
so my dad used had this giant Suburban
the old style Suburbans oh those are
great he got like a second and third
motor in it he just kept it going but he
would see people start to skid like like
in the in the snow and like come at him
like a you know 10 miles an hour just
like that he's just like here we go yeah
pum he was like let's just get some cash
yeah he's just driv like let's just do
this off the books oh that's what he do
serious never fix [ __ ]
it's going to be about looks like $800
in damage right let's go let's do this
and they would give him 800 bucks how
many people hit him it happened like
every other some so what would you do
would you just go out when it's snowing
and try to make some money we wouldn't
try but if you saw there was this one
stop r a university and when you cut
through University in or Cola it would
be like it was just downhill and super
and it was like people would start to go
there and then just couldn't stop it
cover with snow and if you're at the
bottom of the hill like they're coming
right at you nothing you can do I lived
on a street that uh completely froze and
became a hockey rink and me and my
girlfriend's or my uh rather my sister's
boyfriend sat on uh the roof and uh
watched we drank beers and watched cars
crash watch Cars slide down the hill
those videos online watch we called the
cops we called the cops the cops cops
[ __ ] did the same thing they did the
same thing we told them we saw the first
car Slide by the house and we were like
what the [ __ ] and I go dude I think the
street is ice now and so we uh we opened
up the door and looked and it looked
like ice I'm like it looks wet for sure
and I got up to him I'm like [ __ ] it's
ice of ice the whole the whole street
and we were on a hill so the whole
street is just a sheet of ice and one
after another cars just came down and
boom hit the curb and went flying off
into the [ __ ] Woods I love it over
over and over and over this happened so
we called the cops immediately so the
cops came down same thing bang the cops
bounc off the curb Boom the cops slam
into the other cars everybody yeah they
were piling into each other and all the
cars were parked on the side of the
street yeah they were all stuck they
were all stuck and jammed and [ __ ] up
like some of them were in like little
ditches and some of them were like in
the woods where the bushes were and [ __ ]
and they just kept
coming yeah some people got through it
some people had some good skills some
people just slid with it and and kind of
like uh and and straight out control
yeah they managed to come down the hill
not too crazy oh that makes it more
exciting you never know what's going to
happen yeah well I think the real the
people that really [ __ ] up they [ __ ]
up because they came down the hill like
they were driving they wanted D yeah and
then all a sudden oh [ __ ] so if you're
going 40 50 m hour whatever the hell you
were and then you hit that ice that's
that's it [ __ ] bets on like what the
next car is going to do it makes you
think man [ __ ] living anywhere where
it's that cold we were talking about
this before the show um that uh there's
a um icebound um fuel tanker in uh
Alaska it's stuck yeah the before the
ocean yeah the ocean's Frozen around
this [ __ ] boat and so they got to
send a coast guard ice cutter wow so the
ice cutter is breaking the ice around
this Russian tanker this Russian tanker
is just stuck there in a just gigantic
skating rink that's the ocean and it's
just creeping
around pressing against the hall could
you imagine the trillions of pounds of
iar sound it would be so
scary oh my God you're thinking it's
going to pop the whole thing's going to
pop and I'm going to die I'm going to
die right here on the top of this
[ __ ] Frozen [ __ ] there was an
episode from a frozen tanker really yeah
they are frozen in and then some virus
was out too to kill them [ __ ] that they
were turning
old at a at a super quick rate oh with
the virus that's what it was yeah and so
they had to drink regular water the only
water they had was infected and so it
would make them turn old and they
couldn't get any they were frozen in
there was nothing what they do they got
rescued right before they died of old
age and then they got sent back to the
regular age oh they get sent back to the
regular age how convenient yeah well
they they him W the water or S that's
all it took oh we just need to get him
saline we can reverse this [ __ ]
stupid plot who wrote that how dare you
whoever you are that was at the end of
the X Files when they were basically
just phoning in I'm trying to think when
that was I don't know maybe yeah it was
like this is do they were out there
though to find something I don't know
why they were out there there comes a
time when some people just phoned in
yeah certain amount of Seasons L we're
done trying yeah that's why athletes
always postdate their giant contracts
cuz like I might get another contract
I'm I'm done working and I'm going to
make 30 million 40 million they get like
more money as as the contract goes 10e
contract so you're making like three
times as much in the 10th year as you
are in the first year oh really yeah but
that's when you're going to be way worse
sure unless you're some crazy person
that's completely dedicated to always
being the best ever yeah you know how
bad did Michael Jordan fall off before
he quit he didn't he didn't when he quit
the first time he was MVP level no not
when he quit to play baseball when he
quit quit quit quit um when he came back
he wasn't quite as
good yeah he came back after that that's
right yeah he was bad then he said he
really hurt the Wizards the bullets
really because everyone would sort of
stand around and watch
him Jordan's time so everyone else got
worse oh that's crazy that's funny so
they got to give him the ball so much
like Jerry stack out and people had to
like watch him play like he's got to be
our first option I used to be now I'm
the second so I guess I'm just not as
into it really yeah that's fascinating
HT the Wizards cuz they could have been
like a they gotten a one or two pick but
instead he just came so they end up
getting like that eight or nine pick so
how long did he play with them for I
think a year maybe two so that was it he
took off the time for baseball like one
year you take for baseball maybe two
maybe one I'm not sure I wonder what
that you wanted to be like well my dad
saw my last game his dad got murdered oh
yeah Remember by the side of the road in
North Carolina what the [ __ ] yeah and
then he was going to buy the [ __ ]
Hornets when they were still in
Charlotte but the owner got super jewy
and greedy about it and he was like if
you buy it it'll be worth more so I
don't want money what yeah Michael
Jordan owned franchise would it be worth
more so you got to pay more than this
place is worth what kind of ridiculous
[ __ ] logic is that then he lost it
people are funny that way you hear some
ridiculous claims people want want you
know people that want things sometimes
it just makes you just go what yeah
that's a pretty ridiculous one yeah
what's it worth he brings that money to
anyone then some people are just
unreasonable [ __ ] yeah you see David
Cross on con O'Brien last night no what
do you do is David Cross Jewish um
yeah uh he he was hilarious man he he
was promoting one of the movies he did
was Chipmunks 2's pretty out there
atheist though yeah yeah he was
promoting Chipmunks too and he was just
like bashing like don't [ __ ] go see
this movie and one of the producers like
calling out a producer he even called
her out as being a female he didn't even
say her name yeah and he goes you know
blah blah blah
he just went off and then he started
saying you know what she has all the
qualities of why people when they say
they they hate Jewish people or
something like that or like like like it
was like so uncomfortable and even Conan
you could tell they edited something
right out of there CU it was like one of
those weird cuts where it's like oh
let's talk about this other show you
know holy [ __ ] it was weird I think you
can watch it probably on whatever David
Cross does not strike me as an angry guy
he was upset at I just ran into him at
the airport the other day he was super
Pleasant oh no no it he just seemed like
he was pissed off at somebody I know but
but I mean that's what I'm saying I'm
saying if someone got him that riled up
that he would be angry on Conan he was
just doing it to um separate himself
from the fact that he's doing chip chre
when he used to like mock all movies
like that he even said he said the movie
that's what he's doing he said even the
movie is a giant commercial for whatever
that that that uh boat company is that
they used in the movie uh boaty uh
what's one of the cruise ships yeah it's
like one of the cruise ships he's like
it's just a big [ __ ] commercial for
them anyways and and he just started
going off on the movie to that point
where he's saying the movie is just
[ __ ] and it's just a commercial that
much worse in the first Chipmunks that
he also did it was beautiful it was so
much worse that he couldn't see it
coming from the first one saw he chose
to take the money but just like [ __ ] on
it afterwards well well if it's funny if
is he [ __ ] on it and being funny is
he just joking around I don't know call
it up sure it's there F that yeah if it
was on last night I'm sure I I read a
thing on his website where he had to
defend himself when he was doing it the
first time that all these hipsters were
angry at him for doing the Chipmunks
movie that Men In Black they were mad at
him for that defend himself who do you
care he's doing a little kids movie who
gives a [ __ ] yeah but that whole scene
that whole scene used to [ __ ] on like
Tim Allen for doing like the Santa Claus
you're like it's a [ __ ] kides whole
scene is a bunch of bullies who were
picked on when they were younger and
they became bullies there's not all I
shouldn't say the whole scene it's not
the whole scene that alternative scene
there's it's part of the alternative
scene is the pointing fingers at people
and talking down about people and the
[ __ ] on people you know look there's
a lot of people that are nice people and
I don't like their acts but they're nice
and I like seeing them there's a lot of
people that I like seeing name seven I
can't I can name a few but I wouldn't do
it on the air there wouldn't be seven
but there might be four there might be
five oh there's plenty of people you
don't like's a lot of people but a lot
of those people you don't like at all
yeah well they just you know there's
annoying people but the the point is
there's there's a certain uh in and
it Club you know being a part of it that
Al that scene the alternative scene and
there's it's a very judgmental and sort
of like a [ __ ] little scene you know
not I don't want to generalize
completely but the the idea that I
always got was that they were like the
dorks in high school powerful and now
they're powerful they took the power but
you they're they're turning on other
people the same way people turned on
them in high school it's not as bad as
that now it's way better but yeah it
seemed like totally A vibe of that b b
Cher told me a horrible Story Once about
uh a bunch of alternative guys being
mean to him and I was like you know like
it's it's so stupid you know when when
you see someone that you it's just homm
it's just like our thing just like
saying Brooklyn is the best or
Stockton's the best and it's like it's
clearly not well you know there's a but
it's just like saying our thing is the
people we haveen to run into are the
best comics in the world it's like and
not other people that you randomly
didn't run into I think it's also a
thing where people want confirmation
that they're on the right track
way sh people you make your team the
most powerful team yeah yeah what is
that man like people want you to be on
their [ __ ] your your cell phone
provider get mad if you're not come on
man you still with AT&T bro I thought
you smarter than that thought you
smarter than that cuz you want to be a
100% right in all your choices yeah
right and just like no in my
neighborhood Verizon's not good in yours
it is difference it's really like a
religious thing too it's all the same
[ __ ] we're [ __ ] we're stupid we're
stupid monkey
not supposed to have this kind of power
shafir that's the real issue whatever
they want we're still supposed to be
figuring out Consciousness we're not
supposed to be working on nuclear bombs
at this stage you know we're way ahead
of ourselves
technologically right Brian mhm what are
you looking at Brian I'm trying to get
this clip for you this been the silence
attack you're watching something have to
watch [ __ ] commercials yeah that's
just how it goes now you can't watch a
YouTube clip anymore you got to watch
some 30 seconds of [ __ ] first very
very annoying yeah God damn it and this
is five minutes this was five minutes of
commercials what yeah it's on team
Coco's website wait a minute you have
five minutes of commercials before you
can watch no no you get to watch like
the first like 40 20 minutes or
something like that and then they make
you watch like a 5 minute commercial
break so they make you do it they do it
just like it's TV TV wow you can't find
there's no YouTube clips of that or Hulu
from well I I just have a feeling that
the ones I will find will cut off before
it's I I mean at least at least this is
sort of some sort of an alternative for
them to be able to advertise on uh
videos and you know and promote these
videos getting out there I mean if you
all you have to do is watch some 30
seconds clip here or there they do on
South Park Studios too in between breaks
do they like every once in a while they
play a 30 second commercial not much
though and they have the kids cursing so
it's way better so Brian did you find it
online anywhere other than the Team Coco
website no I heard that uh that show is
not doing very well ratings wise oh yeah
everyone's saying that let's
people weren't watching it after people
loved Conan O'Brien when he was on NBC
in that time slot and for whatever
reason why can't they follow him was why
isn't it the same amount of people
following I think some I guess you can
DVR but I feel like those people were I
don't know people liked liking him they
like the idea of liking Conan but you
would think you but they didn't really
watch when he was on earlier H really I
mean they didn't watch you can blame on
the lead in all you want but those
people W the people weren't watching all
my friends like that's way better I'm
like when's the last time you watched it
it is it is a weird thing that they had
they when they did that Jay Leno thing
when they had the J Leno show at 10:
then they had Tonight Show at 11 that
was wonky huh that was that was a silly
idea got everybody talking about here it
is okay so it doesn't it doesn't it just
in your professionally worst thing that
ever happened to you yeah it's um it was
just it was a miserable experience
because of being in the movie I just um
I had a I was forced at legal Point uh
to spend a week on a cruise ship and I
know you and your family love going on
cruises and that's all we do I know I
know I know so I'm not trying talking
about never been on a cruise in my life
no Conan stop it it's
me all right yes let's just say I love
going on Cru Disney fun time cruise and
uh you know um so far sounds fine it's
now how could they legally why would
they legally want to make you be on a
cruise ship explain that I don't know I
don't no it was terrible it was there
was no reason for me to be there if you
if you see the movie and don't
uh
um it
was and I mean uh first of all
Chipwrecked it's a pun you know kids
5-year-olds love puns they love it they
love word play and uh and it it's a big
commercial for uh Carnival Cruise Lines
is the whole entire movie yes and um
and they thought won't it be fun to get
David on there and uh and the scenes I'm
uh that take place on the cruise ship uh
I am always in a pelican mascot foam
rubber outfit where you cannot see any
of my
flesh nor do I have any
dialogue well wait if that's the case uh
I'm sure you said to them get a stand in
get someone else to be in the foam
rubber costume and and take them away on
a on a cruise for a week yes um I I
tried that line of logic and uh reason
um but there was one producer who
everybody else had my back and the
director was like oh we don't that's
fine we don't need them and I'm in the
middle of Todd Margaret too I was in
London and and uh and uh and they're
like no you have to go or was more
like and um and there was
this one producer and I won't say but uh
she is the
personification of what people think
about when they think negatively about
Jews
so to give you you know when when when
people Contour up um no no I
don't uh let's talk about your show the
increasingly poor decisions of Todd
Margaret very funny show you I'm sure
you enjoy and then there was a cut where
even Conan's arm like moved a little bit
I didn't see the cut but I definitely
saw him pretty uncomfortable see the cut
no I don't care um yeah wow that was uh
strong words but I wonder if he's like
really good friends with a girl and he's
just [ __ ] around it could be that he
was like it could be that he was like
good friends with her and that was just
a joke bashing a movie that just was
released that that that person's
producing I doubt it he was he bashing
the movie he said don't see the movie
and then he said it's just a big
commercial for Carnival Cruise Lines
right well did they make him do the
movie is that what happened it was he
contractually obligated to do the second
film don't know I think he was just
pissed about being on that boat for for
a week yeah that was the bit yeah yeah I
mean I I don't know it didn't offend me
didn't seem so bad at all yeah I mean
the movie is what the movie is if you're
go like don't say it it's for
5-year-olds yeah he's a [ __ ] comic
it's not for him he did a job and it's
not it's not his gig you know I'm just
saying it was funny yeah no it was well
he's funny David Cross is [ __ ]
hilarious um but yeah it probably sucks
to be him and be one those movies and
take all that hipster [ __ ] those
hipsters are probably like super mad at
him they were dude you [ __ ] totally
sold out
and thing with that with that restaurant
show no what oh you got to look at it
what is it he went off on a Heckler and
then somebody like to where I don't know
it got weird and some some comic that
was there wrote about it just saying how
it was so [ __ ] weird oh I did hear
about that he was trying out some new
material and someone was filming him
yeah yeah and he asked the lady to stop
filming him because he didn't want it to
get on the internet which is you know
valid especially because he was doing a
free show yeah just the bashing
afterwards who he bashed people what did
he say I just calling her fat and ugly
oh I didn't know that yeah oh wow I
don't know so you know it got
uncomfortable which is fine how bad was
it did you see it no my friend did he
was there and he was like yeah it was
super uncomfortable he just you you've
got you've done it before where it's
like I went too harsh on this girl you
know it's we're not 100% we're guessing
like where's the line right now well not
only that you could be you could be
angry
your comp your girlfriend just said
something that makes you [ __ ] mad at
women or it could be the just the
seventh day in a row where you've been
hackled yeah you can't get through your
[ __ ] who knows what was it just a woman
holding up the camera or was someone one
girl she said she just had her thing she
said I'll sorry I'll delete it he's
saying what you didn't see was her you
have to look at it what she saying he
responded to this comic said you were
fine that was well written your funny
comic some new girl uhhuh and he goes
but you didn't see us when I asked her
shut up her roll her eyes and and mouth
[ __ ] to her
friends well you know I I see his point
of view but I see her my buddy was there
and she go he goes yeah I saw her D that
that was after he was ripping into her
like after she said I'm so sorry I'll
turn it off well who knows I mean we're
just commenting you have to be there but
I was talking about last night it was
like why what what why do some people
not able to just say like oh yeah yeah
it wasn't that wasn't the best well some
people never want to be wrong and some
people are really young it's okay yeah
well it could be who knows who knows
we'd have to he him talk about it and
them talk I
mean yeah we would have to actually see
a video to [ __ ] tell the truth really
to be able to decipher for ourselves
yeah I don't really kind to get into it
care no don't care at all did you uh see
what happened with Stan hope the kid uh
stole his [ __ ] and was like literally
verbatim putting Stan hope bits on his
blog as if he's this [ __ ] you know
just H in front of like a camera no
wrote it wrote it you know written
little articles as in his blog entries
what did St do oh my God St hope went
went after him with the power of Thor
Stan hope went on to his uh his Facebook
page and posted in every photo on his
Facebook page you're a fraud you know
like little jokes about him being a
fraud Stan hope uh put it up on Twitter
so of course the Swarms of human beings
who went to this guy's website and the
guy had comments up on his website and
his comments were just filled with
people saying you ripping off Doug stanh
hope you [ __ ] hack you this you that
and just torturing this poor guy
and and Stan hope did it for hours for
hours he just had people just [ __ ]
just going after this poor [ __ ] and the
guy apparently is a comic you know he
just tries to tries to be Mr cool guy
and and and he's a comic too yeah he
tried to be Mr cool guy and steal Doug
Stan Hope's material and pass it off as
his own so so he's just getting tortured
oh my God he's done he had to pull his
Facebook the next day his Facebook and
his blog were both down screenshots of
it all and there's a Facebook page all
about it I forget the name of the
Facebook page where it shows what like
you know like the that Stan hope wrote
on each
photo yeah Stan hope wrote some funny
[ __ ] about he his was his dad I wonder
how sad his father would be if he knew
his son was a
fraud it's just I mean Stan Hope just
kept going after the guy but the you
know the guy is like so [ __ ] like
the way he did it was so dumb just
copied a famous comedian's work that's
what you're going to do you know you
want to come off as like a guy who
really mean did you think that somehow
or another no one be okay it's okay
because people were reading it instead
of time in college for to pass grade
just to pass I was like I don't want to
do this work you just copy someone
else's work they can't do that anymore
no cuz if you have a file there's
programs now that they can run that file
through and It'll recognize plagiarism
but I wasn't trying to say like like I
didn't want any recognition for what
I've done I didn't want to of course you
just wanted to get out of your situation
you're just forcing spot there's
software now to to just wow yeah there's
software online
software duplicates of your work online
cool I didn't know teachers had that
yeah oh you're [ __ ] now my buddy John
Wilbur my my brother-in-law now I guess
actually brother-in-law's brother but uh
he copied word for word out of Cliff
Notes one day and uh the teacher was
like you copied this I'm c i can the
same exact paragraph there's not a word
changed he just stuck to his story he
was like nope no sure didn't no I made
that up wow she goes this entire
paragraph there's not a word
changed well you know uh if he's if he's
that confident and nope I don't
trouble what kind of a teacher is that
it was it was one of the non-jewish
teachers we bust in oh one of the
non-jewish teachers like they couldn't
hang I think eventually she was like
fine whatever was it like just they
couldn't deal with the Jewish me what
was it probably like look at this brat
he refuses to admit it fine I don't give
a [ __ ] then [ __ ] copy for the rest of
your life but the Jewish teachers would
come down on you for [ __ ] like that is
that why you said non-jewish yeah like
the non Jewish teachers were easier more
than non-jewish ones we just didn't
respect really yeah they just didn't
have our how come we could run over them
I don't know I was think about this
lately there was some teachers you all
agreed we're not going to respect you
really and year after year everyone
makes the same agreement nobody talks
about itow and there's some teachers
like you don't [ __ ] with Rie crack hour
yeah what is that man what is it that
some kids just like certain teachers and
everybody gets along great I don't know
it might be like hidden like non-verbal
cues you're giving out or you know I
have no idea there's weak teachers and
there's strong teachers yeah they all
the same curriculum to teach what that
has got to be the biggest [ __ ]
problem with this country it's got to be
the biggest problem is how kids go to
school the education system you know
coming out of it with your [ __ ] head
together yeah trying to decipher all the
nonsense stupidity and [ __ ]
programming and and the idea that you
know no one ever gets pushed into our
field no one ever no one ever says you
know what Ari you're always cracking
jokes in class you're a funny guy you
obviously need attention have you
thought about going to an open mic night
no one's ever said that to you have you
thought about maybe being a stand-up
comedian yeah no you have to get some
job somewhere yeah you have job stupid
even when you were doing it for a little
while they're still like come on how
much longer the preparation for a [ __ ]
existence that's the worst part about it
man the worst part about it is it kind
of breaks your soul when you go through
[ __ ] boring classes in school it breaks
your soul for the idea that you're
prepares you for the idea that you're
always going to have to do this I had a
teacher he taught modern American lit um
and his deal was this he goes you will
never have to know anything about what
Joseph Conrad wrote what you were
learning here with the Bachelor of Arts
is how to get reports done on time whoa
cuz that's it that's all you're learning
Jesus you're not going to have to apply
any of this Fitzgerald when is that
going to come in your regular life never
you're going have to learn when I say
9:00 on Tuesday have it on my desk
that's all they're preparing ing you for
I think he's right I'm really large
degree yeah he is right for sure I mean
that is what ultimately it is the this
the the that's what's getting measured
you know yeah yeah you can't measure how
much you're learning you measure how
much how well you're doing on tests and
how much you know effort you're putting
into your your paper why are there
measurements it's supposed to be just
going learn people are lazy as [ __ ] we
want to make sure you're doing your work
and not only that it's not just about
educating people it's about educating
people and preparing them for work you
know because really what it's all about
and there's there's a certain amount of
discipline that you're just not going to
have how would you be able to get like a
creative kid and nurture him from the
start [ __ ] hard man the school's are
real I mean they know they have art
right well you know we got we boxed
ourselves into a bad situation as a
species as a race as a as a civilization
because we need a lot of people doing
[ __ ] that sucks oh yeah it's not like as
a child like you're groomed into a world
of happiness and and prosperity and
fulfillment and no there's a lot there's
a maze and there's a [ __ ] million
pitfalls and million jobs that you can
get into that are not going to be
satisfying to you you have to figure
your way through those we need people we
need someone we need or machines you
ever meet somebody and when you're
trying to explain to them why they're
wrong or misguided you realize you're so
stupid I don't I have to rethink how I'm
going to express this to you well down
some people just don't have enough
information in their head and they you
know their their view of the world is
very limited I've met very few stupid
people I've met a lot of un I shouldn't
say I've met very few I've met a lot but
much more more people are uninspired
than are stupid there's definitely
stupid people though they must be like
explaining stuff to your kid no because
kids get things man kids get things they
don't have refusal to get anything no
kids get things and they bring it up the
next day they have questions about it
the next day like they're they're
pondering an idea the the kid it's not
yeah they don't have any prior
programming that you have to [ __ ] with
the real problem is a person who grew
their whole life and and and and their
mind developed in some ridiculous way
yeah and just got stuck in that way like
you know like you get some poor guy
who's a [ __ ] fundamentalist Christian
one of those crazy speaking in tongues
guys you know and at 40 years old he's
just sarting to Branch out on his own
and Escape his his former I mean what
are their guys lost yeah what are his
chances good luck being able to do it
good luck way yeah you if you but if you
got that guy when he was a baby and and
brought him up in a reasonable household
where people were logical and loving and
you know and kind of like gave him a
sort of a a helpful boost but let them
know hey man this is a crazy world and
nobody understands it stick close to the
people you love and uh enjoy yourself if
you can yeah this is what they say with
autistic kids like the earlier you get
them the more normalized you can make
them really yeah but you got to get them
before they set in patterns there's
something to do with with autistic kids
and um you know whatever it is that's
causing that and there has to be I mean
it's a very unpopular opinion but there
has to be something to do with artistic
kids in the next stage of human
evolution what do you mean has to be
because there's so many people that are
Sant so many people that have autism or
that'll lead to a jump in development or
something I I think what they're
experiencing what these people are
experiencing for whatever reason because
of their disease um what you know and
not not all of them can do this but the
few that can there's so many of them
there's so many Super Genius autistic
kids I mean there's there's a million
videos you can look at them I'm
exaggerating obviously but there's a lot
of videos you can go online and there's
the one kid that we talked about that
can look out the window of a plane and
draw the exact scene perfectly I mean he
can just memorize things there's there's
people that can do very very complex
mathematics at a really young age
there's a a kid that's uh he's got
something like Asbergers or something
and he's this incredible composer he's
composed like five Symphonies and he's
like 11 years old or something nuts
problem is this this guy Asbergers hangs
out the store and all he does is make it
socially uncomfortable for everyone well
maybe no one ever put a [ __ ] pair of
drumsticks in that kid's hand you know
maybe you get that [ __ ] on a
drum SK but I I I when you see something
that's hyper human yeah and it's it's
also attached to a disease you know like
we develop webbing for in Wilder world
right stting to and [ __ ] moving forward
yeah I mean I wonder I wonder what it is
but when when you see people capable of
incredible Feats and they also have this
incredible emotional and and
psychological impairment you know this
inability to communicate and connect
with people or or whatever it is that
they have whatever you know personal
Kink they have but to also have this
superow that's it's amazing man it's
amazing when you watch those shows like
whenever they have like an A&E show or
something when they feature a bunch of
people who can do like ridiculous [ __ ]
you know there's there's some people
that literally are another thing they're
like they have a little bit of the new
thing in them you know and I wonder how
many more of them we have now than just
a hundred years ago you know I wonder
how many more people are born I mean
there's obviously like super Geniuses
always there's always been guys like
Tesla you know and and stepen Hawking
and and and dudes of that nature he's
still alive yeah it's crazy isn't it
yeah people yeah it [ __ ] him up not
like it came out feeling fine yeah but
like he's still alive amazing he's alive
and and making computations with his
fingers you why is he doing that I have
no idea God when I heard about Patrice
not being able to talk before he went it
was like oh that's hit that's who he is
that's everything I know about him it
revolves on his mouth yeah that's
horrible this guy's figured out a way to
do something wow keep it going to keep
it going he you ever seen his fingers
move he moves and he clicks on this
thing and he can kind of moves and
chooses words from the screen it's
really amazing it's amazing all that
junk for himself I don't know that's a
good question I don't know I don't think
so oh I don't know still amazing yeah I
don't want to I don't want to downplay
the theing I wonder what keeps a dude
like that moving on cuz there has to be
some form of enjoyment for him as well
he must be enjoying yeah something about
yeah his his science career you know one
of your clear like biological
imperatives is to continue life yeah so
he's like have to have some reason to do
that stay alive yeah he must he must be
a fulfillment out of it finding out new
[ __ ] or writing a book just like anybody
yeah what a strange situation man to be
trapped in in your body like that and
doing computations with your fingers on
this thing click click click click click
click click click who phone is uh next
to the computer cuz the thing keeps
going is that your phone Brian mine's
way over here mine's over yeah next to
your computer right yeah it's not the
computer though has nothing to do with
the sound you sure yeah well doesn't
sound come through that computer yeah
but it's completely muted it's
completely muted I don't think it has to
do with this the mute I think it's the
electricity oh yeah the electricity it
does that in radio sometimes yeah it's
not the matter of the computer being
muted it is because you have the phone
next to the computer it's like picking
up a signal yeah yeah it's not a mute
thing it's not like it's coming through
like a like a sound they say that when
you're shooting sometimes they like
turns your phones off not on mute off
we're getting feedback yeah it goes
it'll do it in your car sometimes too
there's if you leave it right near your
stereo if you have like a hole
underneath your stereo for where your
CDs go or something you leave it there
it'll it's real close it'll it'll F
through how [ __ ] is that man how
[ __ ] is this some signal that's having
a war inside your car they're they're
battling for dominance and meanwhile
these are all bouncing around and that's
the reason they tell you to turn your
phones off on the plane is that it I
think so cuz and if everyone's doing it
can really come through makes sense
phones make sense you know or what
doesn't make sense like iPods that
doesn't make sense that seems silly but
you know what whatever I think it's an
it's an exercise in getting people to
pay attention to rules it's just like
moving your seat back people think that
it's just to get you ready for the for
the well otherwise how do how do three
older women control an entire Plane full
of people it's like listen I want to
fall asleep now I don't want to turn it
back on I'm going to listen to music the
whole time can I just fall asleep with
it in can't
you're going to kill us all I got caught
one was it that easy to kill people if
all you had to do is like keep an iPod
on and the plane would fall out of the
[ __ ] Sky one of the holzman's old
jokes that's what happened to the space
shutter space shuttle
oh some Jewish couple in the back had
the tray table down for the kosha meal
and now you can't take off with the
kosha meal tray
down
yeah it's a weird thing that you could
actually even tell people that if you
had your phone on it could be in danger
like what
fix that yeah got it done fix that you
know those a380s there's an article
today I think I retweeted it those uh a
uh a380s are showing cracks on the wings
really yeah those ones were built how
long ago yeah I'll tell you right now
well there's apparently there's uh one
of them was a quantis jet and uh two
other ones were you yeah with you oh
that's right yeah we were Australia yeah
world's biggest super jumbo Jets must be
grounded say Engineers after cracks are
found in the wings of three Airbus A380
cracks are some of the worst things you
can find in a w um yeah I would say two
Singapore Air super jumbos and one
quantis both Airlines admit the cracks
but say the planes are safe what pretty
much this is our quote bro Rel God are
you out of your mind this is amazing
those are huge [ __ ] planes when Ari
and I flew in it it's like flying in a
giant apartment building that's weird we
there was like we sat in the front and
there was a a second floor we could like
go upstairs to the bar so there's
actually a bar that you can sit at like
a real bar bar there was a bar that's
cool yeah there was a bar and they had
like magazines out and [ __ ] and they
would just serve you food or drink
whatever you wanted the entire time
you're there it was it was ridiculous
it's the the the the thing that you get
in first class is like it's like an
apartment it's huge it's enormous it
spins your seat spins like it goes
straight if you want to lie down or you
turn it sideways and it can be like a
lazy boy and then you have this big ass
flat screen TV in front of you I mean
it's ridiculous the the food is really
[ __ ] good it's like most airline food
sucks but like like quantis first class
[ __ ] good meals man it's yummy food
and you're 30,000 ft above the ocean
hurling through the sky in a metal tube
it ain't like Southwest menu the eight
course tasting menu that's what they had
it was so delicious [ __ ] great man
you get pajamas yeah you get pajamas and
toothpaste and [ __ ] I jerked off on the
plane did you really yeah here's what
you got to do cuz the podt is not
completely enclosed so if if any people
listening you don't turn your body
towards um away I mean from the from the
opening you have to turn towards it cuz
you're always worried like somebody
might be coming up to turn so you can
see him come through the netting right
because they could see you down there
beating off if you were beating off but
I I put my head by where my dick would
be and I looked at the lady behind like
who could get an angle at it she was
asleep right so I was like okay how much
time do you think you took probably
probably it was probably a little longer
probably like two two full minutes two
full minutes you Furious or you just no
no that's why coming stop yeah real
gentle but you base up on the left hand
and jerk it on with the right that's
what you were doing yeah cuz I was on
the right side of the plane that's
probably good for your core as well
support yourself in that way well just
so you don't yeah fall over and then
would you shoot it into your pajama tops
no uh I shot it into the um the you know
those slipper socks they give you yeah I
turned one of those inside out and shot
it into
it and then uh I was forced like a
peasant to use my regular socks for the
rest once with Melanie Griffith we were
flying to England she was sitting right
in front of me and there was a dude who
was right beside her and you know how
when planes in the first class cabins
that their their seats don't line up
like everyone's not head to toe they're
kind of staggered because they're these
big ass pods well the way it was
staggered was Melanie Griffith head
lined up directly with this fat guy's
ass it was right across the aisle no
more than a couple feet away her head
directly lined up with his ass and he
unloaded this dude unloaded in the
middle of the flight one of the most
horrific Tate like farts our friend Tate
Fletcher is known for having the most
ferocious farts cuz Tate's a big giant
dude and he takes a lot of protein
powder and when you eat a lot of protein
like your body like not rid it a lot of
that process that extra [ __ ] well and it
turns into
farts and this dude just I mean I don't
know what he ate but he was a big guy
and by the way I don't even know if it
was his fart because it's not like I
have a [ __ ] locator but if you're on
a plane and there's a fart and you see a
fat guy that guy gets blamed he blame he
gets blamed his asses lined up more than
like black kids get blamed for stolen
things fat people get blamed for farts
on planes always like that's like the
first person you look to like [ __ ] yeah
it was him and the way it lined up was
just his ass was just right across from
her face it was horrific man I mean it
was a it was a nightmare fart and I mean
what are the odds in life that you would
ever have your face or Melanie
Griffith's face that close to your ass
that you could unload on her face like
that you know I think I should fart on
her face I talked about it on stage that
night in England you know cuz it was so
ridiculous cuz I mean I was just it was
just such a Preposterous lineup but I I
could never turn into a bit but it was
really hilarious at the time I just I
couldn't
imagine and I was thinking what if this
guy like had planned this out what if he
like came to Melanie Griffith's agent
and he said listen uh I'd be willing to
pay a million dollars to fart in Mrs
Griffin's face I'm like you're out of
your [ __ ] mind you know we can't
bring that offer to her just bring it to
her man let
her the agent said listen I think we can
work something out I've been looking at
how these planes line up and this is
what I want to show you look at this
here's your seed here's Melanie Griffin
SE look who your ass would be look we
got it I think we got it I think we got
it Melanie doesn't even have to know
isn't that a little unethical keeping
the money from Melanie I mean that's
part of my thrill well you know I'll
just slip it into her bank account
Melanie doesn't have to know
just a little extra money in her bank
account guy just opened his ass on
Melanie's
head it was silent but dead hot it was a
hot fart for sure there was some heat to
it that was one where you might not have
known how bad it was before you let it
go but once you let it go you realized
how atrocious what a terrible person you
are how you should be despised think
about all the [ __ ] particles from your
ass and are people been forced to
acknowledge in their
nostrils word word are we have one of
those crazy pods to Brazil I don't know
I don't know what it's going to be like
AR's going to Brazil with me we're going
to party we're going to party in
Rio apparently it's the nuttiest crowd
for MMA ever like you've never seen a
more en they're all Brazilian on the
card a lot of Brazilians in the card and
uh good ones hamar Paul harz is fighting
that's a [ __ ] great fight man that's
going to be interesting and must go nuts
for it Aldo fighting Chad Mendes man I
wouldn't want to be Chad Mendes in
Brazil Jesus Christ Aldo Aldo and
Anderson you know heres they're Heroes
they're Heroes well they're two of three
I mean it's really there's no country
like Brazil man where there's three UFC
Champions I mean there's only how many
weight classes now there's 35 45 55 70
85 205 and heavyweight so there's seven
weight classes and three of them are
dominated by Brazilians wow that's
amazing they don't have that in
Americans what's that they don't have as
many Americans no George St Pierre is
170 but then
the um Mick Diaz and Carlos KY two
Americans are going to be fighting for
the interim belt so that's going to be
why no intern belt well it means a lot
because George is out for a long time
he's knees blown he had to get surgery
he had to get a so if he never comes
back tendon graph it's a big surgery the
batella tendon graph is a really
difficult one the way they do that it's
a long road to recovery you have to they
take a chunk of bone out of your your uh
kneecap and a chunk of bone out of your
shin and they slice the patella tendon
they take a piece of it off and they use
that piece to recreate the ACL the
anterior cruciate ligament that's inside
the middle of the knee the stabilizing
ligament so then they have to screw that
in place they have to drill holes and
then they have to take the little piece
of bone they took from your kneecap and
stuffing into your bone stuff it into
your you know your your humoris is that
what it is what's the thigh femur femur
stuff it into your femur and then they
stuff it into the lower one too whatever
your shin bone is yeah it's gnarly [ __ ]
so he's out for a long whatever you had
well that is actually a technique that
they've been using for a long time that
the patella tendon graph more than more
than 20 years okay because I had it done
a pendon graph done in the 9s I had it
done I believe it was '93 I had it done
um but now they more more likely are use
um uh a graft from a dead person I have
in my right knee a cadav graft really
yeah they use um the Achilles two new
knes is he really two new plastic knees
artificial knees he has no cartilage in
his knees either one of his knees zero
our friend Sean Rouse has a crazy form
of arthritis it's like super aggressive
arthritis and he's so happy now I'm sure
got him bumped up yeah yeah Obby liman
like I know a guy who works at whatever
so what are they going to you know how
they do that man they have to cut your
knee off yeah he's got pretty much
nothing anymore you ever see how they do
hip replacements it's gnarly dude they
cut your they take the socket out they
cut it off they saw it off and they put
a new socket in there and drive it into
your [ __ ] bone they screw this bolt
into your bone and now you have this new
ball and socket set up in your hip
that's probably 100 times better than
the original yeah well I want to get
everything replaced sort of no because
it's like it's also an alien piece Sean
said the only problem is they said it
will it will um start to dissolve after
about 15 years which is totally fine for
him but he goes dissolve to where just
into my body wow after 15 years yeah and
so then they go back and replace it yeah
15 years now they probably have amazing
ones maybe probably yeah yeah they'll
probably have one that's better than the
human knee hologram KNE you would think
knee with lightweight materials and if
they could figure out something that's
biocompatible yeah someone's going to
start having those surgeries just
because like I don't need it but [ __ ] it
have you seen that dude who uh he's got
no legs he lost his legs and he's
competing in races with uh these
artificial legs he lost his legs below
the knee oh and so they they put these
oh he's got like the spring things yeah
these crazy [ __ ] I would want to race
against that guy and he it actually he
like kicking ass with these things man
he could run fast and some people are
actually saying like this is an unfair
Advantage like what you can't say that
man a dude gets his legs cut off but he
does have he got Springs on his legs I
know but still you
got running down the unless he's
breaking World Records you got to deal
with that [ __ ] as long as he gets close
it's okay yeah unless he's break
shatters world records that would be
incredible you imagine if guys started
getting their legs cut off so they could
run as fast as him and getting these
artificial feet screwed on somebody even
make these skates and what what they
would do is in the speed skates they
would come slightly apart from the skate
as you were stepping up so it would give
you an extra Split Second of ice time if
it's touching the ice the blade would
get like slowly remve from your shoe wow
so would stay in the ice a little longer
and all those like I think it was I
think it was Swiss I don't know they
were all [ __ ] shattering records
Jesus Christ just from doing that yeah
isn't that amazing yeah clever Little
Monkeys yeah clever Little Monkeys
figure that out remember this last past
uh Olympics when the dude died on The
Bob oh yeah oh yeah I forgot about that
gnarly man that's why I'm a huge
proponent of everyone should have to
wear um helmet cams yeah see what that R
be like know that that's possible yeah
we need to know that that's possible you
know that's that's not something you
should keep from people people that are
considering being a bob sled person you
could die from this yeah they were
saying everyone was saying how it was
way too fast he running way too
fast well look you look at what they're
doing man God they're going so fast
they're flying in those [ __ ] things
and I guess somehow or another you're
steering with your weight correct um
yeah I think so I mean you must be doing
something the turn yeah right is that
what it
is God damn there was a dude who was a
fighter he fought Todd Hayes he fought
in uh Valley tudo in Japan and uh he was
supposed to fight Hicks and Gracie but
he blew his shoulder out in the fight
before that he won and um he uh quit
fighting and to become a bob sled guy
really yeah that was Walker did Bob
sliding for a while did he he W gold
then they started they started
rethinking it they were like oh we don't
need Bob sliders we need [ __ ] track
people we need people that are [ __ ]
fast and strong to push the base of kha
Walker made them win the goal are you
sure about that so I think he won
something probably not the goal that
sounds ridiculous Walker is a bad
[ __ ] dude he made the cowboys
he's like 47 or 48 years old now and
he's still fighting MMA and he he fought
on strike force twice and at least twice
in one dude he's [ __ ]
shredded he's ridiculously shredded
really oh my God he's 48 years old and
he apparently has like superhuman
discipline yeah he way worked out he
never lifted weights well he says that
but then other dudes say that he has
lifted weights he also has well no he
also has multiple personality disorder
oh yeah so he could be saying that he's
not lifting weights and he's telling the
truth cuz he's not lifting weights But
Clyde is
and Clyde's the one that has the past to
24-Hour
Fitness he's like noen really that all
day I think I'm pretty sure I don't want
to talk out of school but I'm pretty
sure I read on his website that he has
trauma related multiple personality
disorder from football yeah and uh I
read that and I was like wow well why is
this guy fighting in MMA then you know
that seems crazy that he would go from
that to fighting in MMA but the fights
that he's had dude he's just mauled
people he's such a [ __ ] super athlete
if Hershel Walker was around if MMA was
around when Hershel Walker was young
when he yeah if he had decided to do
that he's there's every now and then
there's dudes that can just throw people
around they just he so dominant for a
little while the Vikings pretty much
traded their whole team for him it was
like everybody they had good and draft
picks for the next five years wow like
we want him that bad wellow that's a
super athlete man it made the Cowboys
for so long yeah did you hear Mayweather
uh wants to fight P Pac-Man now yeah
because he's going to jym oh is that why
yeah the judge the judge will let him uh
postpone his jail time until June so if
he can get Pacquiao to fight him in May
he'll make a shitload of money and then
go to jail for 90 days so since the
judge has allowed him to postpone it
he's like all right [ __ ] it let's go
after a fight let's it's going to be a
lame fight probably no it will not be a
lame fight Pacquiao Pacquiao is a killer
but I think that um a lot of people feel
that Pacquiao was uh exposed a little
bit by Marquez the Juan M Marquez fight
that they've had three fights now and
that uh you know Marquez Fels like he
won two of those and uh you know it was
not nearly the dominant victory that
Pacquiao had hoped for so a lot of
people I think are thinking that if
Floyd Mayweather was scared of him
before now he's like relaxed now he saw
the way Mar a shot yeah because he he
boxed the [ __ ] out of Marquez when they
fought Floyd didn't even take any damage
Floyd Mayweather is just technically and
strategically on another level the the
thing about Pacquiao is Pacquiao is he's
a he's a beast he's got crazy power in
his hands ridiculous speed and he can
catch anybody and if he if he tees off
on Floyd and he gets a good Rhythm and
starts coming at him with those wild
combinations anything can happen but
Floyd doesn't feel like he could do that
Floyd thinks he can stop him now money
on I don't know if I had a gamble i' bet
Pacquiao it's hard to bet against
Pacquiao because Pacquiao's been
fighting he's been fighting big guys too
like when he fought um you know when
when he fought um the [ __ ] his name
margarito he beat the [ __ ] out of
margarito margarito was way bigger than
him and margarito is a dangerous guy and
he [ __ ] margarito up you know I mean
he broke his eye socket he broke his
orbital made him they he has an
artificial lens in his eye now really
margarito does because of that fight
yeah and and Pacquiao was 15 16 pounds
lighter than him easily maybe even more
it might have been 18 pounds during
fight time cuz they weigh him on HBO
they weigh him the day of the fight too
and they see how much a guy's rehydrated
and they show you that statistic which I
think is brilliant the UFC should
probably incorporate something like that
too but I don't think they wanted admit
how cutting how much yeah some guys are
cutting like guys like Anthony Johnson
yeah they cut a [ __ ] ton Anthony
Johnson's fighting vtor bord this
weekend in
Brazil that's going to be [ __ ] and
he's fighting at 185 for the first time
too which for Anthony is the the right
move if you've never seen Anthony
Johnson before he's another specimen
specimen dude's a specimen and he's a
big 170 like the biggest possible and he
would I would see him walking around
like in between fights and he was well
over 200 lbs he was a enormous he looked
like a heavyweight you know and then he
would drop he said at one point time he
cut 60 lbs to make to make 170 a long
time I mean I'm sure he did it over a
long camp but you know starved himself
60 was up to like 230 success stor over
year exactly meanwhile with him was
mostly muscle you know he's mostly
making his body eat itself you know
dehydrating and eat itself he's losing a
little bit of fat but he's not a fat guy
he doesn't get fat he's just an athlete
it's [ __ ] brutal man it's like
there's a point of diminishing returns
and I think right the fight very even
can't do that because of uh brain damage
that's when it's people are most
susceptible to brain damage but then you
won't cut you'll just fight they would
they would cut anyway yeah they cut
anyway they always do they used to have
a weight they used to have it in boxing
they used to have the day of but more
people die of brain injuries because of
uh dehydration what how about have it
after the fight I don't think in the old
days the box too late yeah it doesn't
matter it's ridiculous you lose a lot of
weight during fight um I don't think a
lot of people were hip to uh IVs back
back in the day either so when they
would lose weight when they would lose
weight no no IVs to replenish to put
your uh liquids back in that's the best
way all those guys look so weak when
they're at the weigh-ins they look like
death I've seen guys look terrified
stink yeah oh yeah breath is horrible
yeah yeah t stomach acid coming out yeah
I mean they don't eat for you know they
don't eat for a long time before they
get up there a lot of the guys except
the heavyweights heavy weight they don't
care I love them they weigh in their
jeans [ __ ] it it's about the same but
there's a few guys that have had a cut
weight at heavyweight Tim syia had a cut
weight once he weighed over I remember
that he was over 265 Brock's always made
the weight he cuts to that right yeah he
cuts to that yeah yeah if he if he
wanted to he get to about 300 lb if you
wanted to I'm sure if he started packing
on the creatine doing powerlifting and
[ __ ] like that and eating all day but I
don't think he can eat all day now
because of that uh the stomach thing I
think his his diet has got to be very
different time catches everyone that's
not just time dude he had diverticulitis
you die from that [ __ ] man people die
that's amazing I no one even heard of
that before he got it I never heard of
it they should rename it [ __ ] Brock
Lesnar's disease the same way they did
with L Garrick out of all the times that
you and I have been to Fogo to Chow all
those Brazilian steakhouses yeah who
would have ever thought that someone
could die from eating too much meat
that's would you have ever thought of
that we've been going to those places
for a decade yeah are you going to go to
the one in Brazil [ __ ] yeah you know the
ones in Brazil are even better because
they serve like chicken hearts and stuff
that people in America are kind of
scared of that shit's delicious dude
when we went to one in Sal Pao it was
one of the best I've ever been to ever
and they just kept giving us these
chicken hearts I was like dude keep
coming with them chicken hearts woo it's
like salted like they know how to is
Grill in Israel this just a wild culture
man it's a beautiful culture the culture
of Brazil is so fun you know meet and
fighting and the girls are beautiful and
they're living on the beach I mean it's
like and everybody's doing PR playing
Jiu-Jitsu I mean it's like wow what a
what a crazy culture man and soccer and
everything you know and their their
their economy has changed in a in a big
way over the last few years apparently
they found oil off the shore their
econom booming yeah you know they one of
the leaders like the the leaders of the
world in AIDS research and and uh and um
education really yeah it's a lot of
places um in Rio also I've heard uh
where people go to get uh good but cheap
plastic surgery I see that yeah like uh
girls in Hollywood that can't afford
going to doctor here you can fly to
Brazil and get [ __ ] there jobs all the
time and stuff I guess and then you know
then you just chill out in Rio chill out
on the beach while your tits heel get on
a plane and head home
H got went on vacation came back with
tits boobies I'm excited weird a whole
another culture yeah just uh don't go to
the FLL is looking for
heroin keep it together and don't get
bit by a Brazilian wandering spider
there's a Brazilian wandering spider
that kills you uh and one of the things
that happens is um the people that
survive first of all you you'll have a
24-hour raging death Hardon really yes
yeah the way it affects your body it
apparently blasts your levels of Nitric
a nitric oxide which is the same thing
that the same effect that Viagra has
like and what this stuff does is just
makes your dick hard as as [ __ ] cold
steel to the point where it's painful or
your dick is dying it's expanded so hard
that it's tearing literally the cells
are ripping apart from each other they
it's getting so big w and so hard that
the cells are separating from each other
tearing and Agony and screaming pain and
this is happening to all your muscles
not just your [ __ ] but every muscle in
your body is just in Mad Agony and if
you survive and most people don't but if
you survive you'll be [ __ ] you'll be
dead you might as well be dead your your
dick won't work anymore it's done
forever your body's going to be a wreck
you're going to be physically a wreck
all your muscles are going to be [ __ ]
so wait do they do they once you get bit
what happens to you can you go to the
doctor immediately or over how much per
time
almost immediately almost immediately
you're [ __ ] there's I don't I don't
know if they have uh and what would you
say percentage wise are you worried
about this spider me I'm not going to
the Jungle oh it's in the jungle I'm
100% not worried I hope it's only in the
jungle [ __ ] I'm pretty sure it's only in
the jungle yeah but if I I'm going to
put myself in a [ __ ] Boy in the
Plastic Bubble
suit I'm going to dress up like Aquaman
I don't know I I'm not really worried
about it are hotels down there in Brazil
beautiful hotels they're pretty much
everywhere where they ever have tourist
from other places like the nice hotels
are nice everywhere yeah any city in the
world you know that's a real city
they're going to have some nice places
to stay even in you know I mean I've
seen like Kuwait Kuwait has beautiful
beautiful hotels and you know it's kind
of crazy you would think someone just
went to war with Iraq just a few years
ago it probably be a mess right now
right no not really go there it's
beautiful I had a crazy dream I was I
quit pot and my dreams went nuts tell me
tell us about that cuz how long did you
quit it for 13 days wow but I me every
day multiple times a day
smoker um I I heard that you get dreams
or nightmares after 3 days nightmares
yeah so I was trying to put 3 days on to
go try to get the dreams in nightmares
to see what would happen if you quit but
it took me it took me two years we need
to give you some Alpha Brain I bet Alpha
Brain would give you some ridiculous a
lot of Twitter people kept saying like
oh it must be the Alpha Brain or
whatever was it gives you really vivid
dreams we don't it's a combination of
all the the neut tropics and the B6 and
cuz B6 on its own apparently can do that
a lot of the neut tropics on their own
can give you some weird dream effects
but apparently all them together with
the B6 really kicks it was every night
except after I did mushrooms every night
yeah and we get the crazy like plot
driven dreams like long and super clear
I can remember them for way longer wa
and one of them was I was dropped in the
jungle in Brazil and there was all these
like dangerous predators but there's
also tons of mushroom spores so we would
like trip out dude I think it's good to
stop smoking pot for a little bit I
think it's good to stop doing everything
I take meat breaks I take meat breaks
where I only like vegetables for like a
couple days just for the [ __ ] of it I
just do it if I feel like doing it like
sometimes like there's a a good vegan
restaurant near here and every now and
then I'll just have this like real
hankering for some like real vegetable
heavy food you know sounds good what are
you saying what you kenoa what is that
vegan food quinoa kenoa oh quinoa quinoa
that that's that um that grain that
heavy protein grain they got the Whole
Foods um salad bar they got a bunch of
different types of Quin Ros yeah this
the only plant apparently that has all
the amino acids that meat has yeah yeah
that I think soy also I don't think so I
don't think soy has everything really
yeah and soy makes you grow tits yeah
[ __ ] soy soy made Brian cry yeah I like
almond almond milk is great for you I
love that I drink that [ __ ] every day
that's that's pretty much substituted my
most of my Dairy unless I'm having
cookies it's just a proteinin it's
really easy to make by yourself uh yeah
almond milk you can eat make uh cuz you
have the Vitamix it's really cool for
that yeah just do it mix it with water
but there's a lot of good recipes online
to make like do you make it have you
made one uh I tried it once and it
worked so so do you have to soak the
almonds first is that how you do yeah I
soak it overnight for 24 hours and then
mix it up and and there was something
else I did to it you just buy an almond
milk yeah why would I do that yeah so I
could just go to the store just have it
done for you well I'm just saying if
you're your own but you're really crazy
feel like going old school make your own
butter have you ever tried to make your
own butter no
I did make my own pickles you did yeah
so why why is it Preposterous to make
your own butter you can't get that kind
of recipe oh the pickle recipe there was
a place when we were filming Zer in
Boston I wish I remember their name cuz
I would give them a shout out there was
a [ __ ] cart that they had where it
was all pickles and different flavored
pickles and some of them were really
spicy and some of them are really crisp
and green and some of them were like the
more sour like darker or uh lighter
colored green ones and they just had had
every kind of pickle and they were
[ __ ] deadly and I was like Jesus
Christ you guys ship these pickles I'm
like I got to get these [ __ ] pickles
they were amazing I'll bring you some
father made Brazil bring us home to the
airport the best is a bloody married
with pickled asparagus and green beans
in it pickled asparagus what do they
pickle it with same thing same thing
Brian youed once you have once you've
already made the Brian you can use that
stuff to oh so you just stick something
else in there huh Pi carrots and like
green cucumbers tomato cucumbers are
good you ever had that green cucumbers
pickled green cucumbers oh not cucumbers
uh Tomatoes those are delicious they
hold it really well yeah right they're
crisp your sharp so you can like cut
them with a knife yeah ju's figured out
a lot of cool [ __ ] ju figured out
pastrami you got to take off your
[ __ ] hat to pastrami man pami did
that well spami is like one of the best
for sandwiches can you get a more
delicious meat for sandwiches it's fatty
and they slice it real thin and with
rubben when they put the [ __ ]
sauerkraut on that [ __ ] and then the
the so dressing you guys want to go to
Jerry's Deli and you eat right now that
was the hardest thing yeah let's get
high though that was the hardest thing
when I took my pot potation there was
one time I got green blasts on the way
home I got that pastrami half pastrami
half chop liver and I was like I should
be smoking a joint right now this is how
this should go that would definitely
enhance the food people don't realize
how much it does enhance how far Jerry's
Del not far at all real close let's do
that let's do that [ __ ] um what was I
going to say oh caners is the best if
you want to really get down and dirty
with your pastrami that's the best
pastrami in La p caners is that's oldest
school old school place in La how long
has that Deli been there caners a long
time that's exactly the same yeah if you
go into that place that's exactly the
same as it was in like the 1970s all
those old pictures from there yeah it's
way old than that yeah way older than
that but I'm saying I don't think
they've done any Renovations since the
70s or maybe it might even be the 50s
who the [ __ ] play pickles when you sit
down place is awesome and the food is
super legit especially bami and the
white fish the smoked white fish godamn
I'm getting hungry [ __ ] so um to wrap
things up can I say this before we go
tell people you can say whatever you
want I got Minneapolis the 25th say oh
okay have another whiskey throw the
battleship around yeah and then I think
me and Cher are going to do a show with
Russell in in Toronto oh really I think
yeah they're working off but they have
like a festival there
oh Russell's a giant February Toronto
he's [ __ ] there dude yeah Russell
[ __ ] dominates up there what a nice
guy Russell Peters is if you don't you
know if you don't know Russell Peters
what what a [ __ ] great guy he is he's
so friendly you know he's like such an
easy downto earth guy no like heirs
about him no [ __ ] yeah I always
forget that he's like huge Superstar
yeah I forget like we were talking with
him and fim we're talking at the Improv
he's like I I'm going to go on and it's
like we you can't just go oh yeah oh
yeah you can't just go on I forgot who
you are just a regular dude yeah well
what's really crazy is how uh he's huge
in other countries in the UK he sold out
the O2 Arena like two nights in a
row in Canada two nights in a row Jesus
that's insane the O arena is where we do
the UFC it's huge I don't know how many
it is it's more than 15000 like that I
don't know it's more than 15,000 though
Jesus it's [ __ ] gigantic man I can't
even imagine I'm doing the Chicago
Theater it's like 3,000 really yeah
that's pretty big 3,000 over the summer
that's pretty nuts 3,000
people there A lot of people laughing
when the the laughs come in it's a boom
it's like wow it's not it's it's a weird
thing man when you go when you whenever
you go over 500 like the laughs are
bigger but the connection's different
it's like it's hard to like keep that
real intimate connection with 3,00 I
have to tell myself this last time I was
able to get a little better cuz I was
like slow between jokes pause a lot
longer and but usually it's like it
takes me 10 minutes to like remember
that do you feel like it's goes smoother
when you pause longer like what is it it
allows them time to take it in
need more people it's just bigger and
they all like when you're bouncing off
the wall like the belly room the laughs
it's like 80 people in those small small
rooms of that place in Boston that
upstairs from that Chinese place it was
like they all hear each other and react
immediately well also I think that the
the the rooms Acoustics are different
the way you process sound is different
when there's so much loudness around you
with laughter and then this this is
projected from speakers at a far I mean
that's a it's it's a tricky thing right
see the guy really well so you can't get
the facial expressions so the the little
non-written cues so like it's time to
laugh yeah that's when comedy gets weird
when you have like giant screens where
your face is on these giant screens man
you'd have to you can't otherwise no one
could see you if if you do something
that big well damee would do those big
places like that but he would do them in
the round he would do them in the round
so they'd have to have somebody on the
screen they'd have to have yeah you have
to because otherwise you're looking at
his ass you know which some girls would
love started he hasn't done comedy in
like a year yeah it's very weird I see
him he said he was going to do an ice
house Chronicles uh soon he come do the
show maybe maybe he will show show maybe
he'll just do the podcast part though I
don't know I mean he hasn't done think I
don't know some people should just
[ __ ] tired Story show and he's like
keep asking me but no I'm not back yet
that's funny yeah he's going to take
more than a year off wonder what he's
doing you know what some people just not
happy with what they're doing this is
what I heard that it was like slay [ __ ]
sold out like 15,000 Cedars whatever
it's like like that's what that's the
top of what you're supposed to do and I
was like where am I supposed to go just
keep doing that there's nowhere else to
go or you know strive for maybe that
could be it or he's just acting you like
we all strive to get big bigger
followings and but he's like I got it
I've got the biggest following I can get
well his following definitely dropped
off though I know I talked to people
that worked in places that where he was
at where he had been there you know a
couple years before and sold 15,000
seats and then he came back and sold
like seven it wasn't it was still huge
but it wasn't it wasn't what it was at
the peak of his popularity I I think
it's also a lot of negativity he he
dealt with a lot of people that were not
just warranted but even unwarranted
negativity there was a lot of people
that hated that guy yeah you know there
was there was warranted stuff like the
plagiarism stuff that was you know was
kind of
questionable I shouldn't say
questionable but it was uh he stopped
yeah he probably just stopped he stopped
he he stopped doing that for sure but it
was also I mean the way it all went down
it was it was you know was very
unfortunate for him it it was it looked
horrible yeah you know when when people
were playing the Louis CK bits next to
his bits it just became you ever watch
him on Louis
show at the scene yeah I didn't I
thought that was weird you know I think
I I like the way Lou like kind of like
let him win cuz that's uh that's just in
line with how Lou would deal with the
situation it made sense to me like oh of
course this is how Louie did it you know
Lou's a nice guy you know and he sort of
felt bad that everybody was going after
d
but you know it was what it was you know
it's weird it's just hard for a guy to
recover from something like that you
know when when you get when you get a
label put on you and you get a lot of
people that just decide to hate you you
know I me Zach gakis gakis he had a um
he had a remember he used to do remember
he used to do a bit where he would pull
out posters at the end and you write
things on them and one of them was kill
Dane Cook uhhuh got a huge laugh yeah
you know it's like like it was like a
it's all sort of a grp we can make this
joke yeah it was all he he became that
guy like even though a lot of people
loved them he became the guy that a lot
of people [ __ ] hated yeah and you
were clear you were in the clear to be
able to say whatever you wanted negative
if you're not doing standup you're
really not in that world anymore you're
not attached to those people anymore
you're not feeling their hate anymore
you're not you're like whatever now you
don't now you have no effect on me you
know now you have no effect on me I'm
not doing standup right now you have no
effect on me I guess yeah I mean you if
you're tired of people just this snarky
critic who uh is you know just on
Instinct and you know on um just by
default they're [ __ ] you know there's a
lot of people like that by default
looking for something shitty to say and
when you got a Target like Kim
Kardashian or Dane Cook when he was you
know when people were [ __ ] on him or
anybody who's in the news that you is
like a free shot yeah you know you
automatically go after them going to be
a lot of people that go Tom arold and
whatever yeah yeah yeah it's going to be
yeah Justin Bieber
not doing comedy would would help that
yeah because you're not connected to
them anymore you're not doing anything I
he's got enough money I'm sure that he
could just kick back and relax for a few
years yeah I mean he's not doesn't seem
like a Nutty spender so if he can just
kick back and relax for a few years and
maybe while he's doing that he's writing
some stuff that he really likes he
filmed three movies last year so that
could also be why he took a year off
yeah that could be too I know like uh
what Beck did an album a really great
album called C change and it's all about
his relationship with when owner writer
whoa yeah and he said though he was like
I couldn't write it for like 2 years
until after we broke up for like a
couple years and then I was able to like
process my feelings about it and then
write this amazing you know work hm
how's Winona feel about it I don't know
they tried to reach her but she was too
busy stealing [ __ ] it's a really great
album it's a good breakup album he's a a
Scientologist isn't he Beck yeah I went
to a Scientology show of his once really
what was that it was a Knitting Factory
but it was it was to bra fundraiser for
Scientology and my Scientologist friend
got me in wow you have a Scientologist
friend Bobby used to have a girlfriend
who was Scientologist okay you're
sitting there with all scientologists
and you and Bobby wow he must have been
there too plus he wasn't available that
day and so Beck is doing a uh show and
going like [ __ ] Scientology rules
everybody goes yes when you see a car
accident you know that you have to pull
over because you're a Scientologist and
you're the only one that's going to know
what to do only one that can help I just
think it'd be too bad if you like Dan
Cook is the way he talks about comedy
and the way he like he's been 20 years
in the game like to lose a like a
professional mhm it's too bad guy
doesn't who knows if he's losing it
maybe he's just taking a year off you
know maybe he's just no seriously Heil
movies was on a TV show I mean I know
but he was filming movies before he
never took time off yeah nobody there's
a big difference between doing all these
movies and yeah and taking time off a
standup not not coming out with a new
album not doing any standup in La yeah
guys take two weeks off and it's a big
deal you know two weeks is kind of shaky
you come back you're a little you know
you got to do like one set a week at
least I call well I got I got Tuesday
Wednesday this week at the store but be
gone in Brazil for the rest right and he
only got that's what I called in for I
only got one spot I was like no I'm not
going to be able I going to get out on
again till Tuesday no I had to call like
who's is on the cover booth tonight you
got to let me slide in oh look at you
you use your juice once in a while but
not once in a while only when you need
to though I'm saying there's no way you
go off like a year with nothing who's
making that [ __ ] list at The Comedy
Store it's fine not to get me one day
out of the week silly [ __ ] I'm ridning
a new hour this year are you yeah are
you throwing your old one out what are
you doing yeah done chucking it done did
you make a DVD made a CD got to make a
DVD son can't throw your material out
without a [ __ ] visual representation
of it yeah got go that's outrageous a
lot of your [ __ ] is visual yeah make get
someone to hire someone to film you
cheat prick and make it make a special
yeah put it online release it to people
yeah give it to the world Ari make a
video make a video you need a video dude
you can't just have an audio my first CD
was I was upset that some of my [ __ ]
wasn't visual I went over that
just put it online after the fact yeah
yeah there's a lot of [ __ ] like the um
the old lady vagina bit that's that's a
there's a lot of visual in that sh boom
you know I don't remember that all hand
at the bottom boom oh yeah yeah yeah
that's visual you need that part that's
a big part of why it's funny with the
which one what happens when to a woman's
vagina she gets old yeah don't say
anymore otherwi you kill oh yeah yeah
that would be a little visual very very
visual yeah the the [ __ ]
Ari so people want to see you where can
they see you AR for this upcoming
Minneapolis show where is itapolis it's
houseof comedy. net houseof comedy. net
and you'll be in Chicago at the same
time yes I will be in Chicago the 27th
is it that weekend 25th or 29th yeah
yeah I'm going to be in um there's still
some tickets available but they're going
fast [ __ ] Joey Diaz and Duncan trusso
we're going to be at the Chicago theater
on January 27th and if you see Joey on
stage Joey will probably be not walking
so good cuz he's just going to have
surgery 10 days before that he's getting
his maybe get one of those little
scooters little Zippos zippies or
whatever should get a scooter but if
anybody wants to get him some flowers
and say get well get him some cards say
Get Well Jo Fu flowers give me the get
out of here with this [ __ ] cards and
flowers just give him a lot of envelop
yeah give me an envelope with cash in it
or nothing he loves envelopes um so yeah
so Joey will be there supposedly I hope
he's going to be able to make it but
he's getting surgery 10 days before yeah
pretty tight yeah tight scheduling uh
Duncan's going to be there for sure I'll
be there and then there's the UFC on
foxes the next day you can see that or
if you're closer to my man Ari shaffir
you go to Minneapolis and go to the
house ofc comedy. net house ofc comedy.
net and Ari will be that weekend how
many days you
there five days five days damn that's
nice that's time for a relationship yeah
you you could meet a new girl and fall
in love and then grow to hate each other
by the time 27th work the whole like
Nexus of it exactly boom thank you to
the Fleshlight for sponsoring our
podcast if you go to Jo rogan.net and
click on the link for the flashlight and
entering the code name Rogan you will
get 15% off the number one six to from
man oh [ __ ] thanks to on it.com o nnit t
makers of Alpha Brain the cognitive
enhancing supplement new mood shroom
Tech Sport and shroom Tech immune go to
the link on Jo rogan.net click on it for
the link for alphabrain enter in the
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all right thanks everybody next week we
have uh Hamilton Morris from vice.com
we're going to be uh going uh on an
isolation tank tour we're going to go to
Venice yeah and we're going to he's
going to come on the podcast as well and
I got Steve ranella from uh what's that
show called The Wild within which was a
really cool show that got cancelled now
I think he's got a new show called me
eater so he's going to be on the podcast
on Monday yeah all right you dirty
freaks vote for me yeah Brian's got
[ __ ] silly internet contest he wants
everybody to vote for for like to win
just go to deathsquad.tv and at the top
it says vote for me just click on that
that' be awesome and I'll be at water
beds and stuff Thursday water beds and
stuff you're doing shows at water bed
factories no I'm just going to what is
water bed stff buy a bow it's it's the
only place to buy a bowl in Columbus
Ohio oh to buy a bowl yeah they sell
water beds and pipes what and that's
where you going to be they all listen
they all listen to this podcast doing a
show there I'm not going to do you do a
show there why you there n I'm just
going to buy
don't be scared homie.com thanks
everybody oh one more thing I
interviewed a hooker on my podcast this
week damn yeah high class prostitute
really yeah oo how do people get that go
to I guess iTunes or my website already
theeg great.com but.com is a
good long and good she just told me
everything oh my God o I'm going to
listen to that it was really fun I'm
going listen to that on the flight to
Brazil this the five other things it's a
long fight yeah yeah all right you
[ __ ] fre
very nice we love you guys we love
everybody we see you next week thanks
thanks for everybody thanks for
everything thanks for everything thanks
to everybody for
everything I've been talking too much
today my mouth doesn't want to work
anymore
[Music]
Jihad