hey sectagors
a taboo topic in our society is speaking
ill of our parents
when we bring up our own traumatic
events regarding our parents we're
shushed and shunned with phrases like
they did the best they could
they did everything for you or the usual
you're ungrateful
while our parents might have met well
it's undeniable that some are highly
toxic
the consequence of this lifetime of
toxic parenting is an adult who
continues to suffer from an unhealthy
perspective of love and relationships
and a lack of understanding of their own
emotional and mental needs
so with that said here are 10
characteristics of highly toxic parents
and how they affect you
number one
they're hyper critical
criticism from parents is normal
well-adjusted criticism can help you see
the flaws in a plan and make better
choices for yourself
however if your parents are overly
critical of you on a regular basis
this is a toxic trait
this constant criticism and sometimes
comparison can make a child feel like
they aren't good enough or at fault for
their parents constant attacks on them
this result is an adult who has a harsh
inner critic as a constant companion
this inner critic can actually sound
like your parent's voice telling you
detrimental things all the time
number two
they don't allow you to express your
true feelings
healthy parents are aware that their
children have emotions and opinions too
they welcome the expression and
discussion from their children
highly toxic parents don't have this
awareness highly toxic parents take a
child expressing their confusing and
difficult emotions as attacks on their
character
there are no individual feelings just a
few collective emotions
parents being dismissive of their
children's emotions can result in
depression according to the american
psychological association because their
true self is being suppressed this
results in a child who can't express or
identify their own needs as an adult who
suffers the same and aims to please
everyone because that's what they know
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number three
they compete with you
being competitive is a good thing that
can help you become more resilient and
confident about making your dreams a
reality having parents that inspire you
to exceed and what you want to do is a
blessing
toxic parents seem to view their
children as competitors they might
derail your success or goals by using
sabotage and belittling your dreams and
accomplishments
you end up not feeling confident in
reaching your own goals
some highly toxic parents are quite
jealous of their children
and the opportunities that they have so
they might overtake you in your goals or
force you to live their own long gone
dreams
number four
they don't see their children as
individuals
highly toxic parents or htps see their
children as extensions of themselves
only
they want their kids to follow in their
footsteps or live out the dreams they
never got to accomplish
because they see their kids as small
versions of themselves they fear the
kids being autonomous and leaving them
so they prevent them from being
themselves and functioning as an
individual
any undesirable behavior that can make
them look bad is ridiculed both publicly
and privately
the child becomes an adult who doesn't
have a separate identity nor do they
know who they are
number five they control their children
using guilt and money
healthy parents can give gifts
affirmation and physical affection
without expecting anything in return
because they know it's not a business
deal that requires reciprocity to make
it work they do it because they want to
and love to
htps will give a child all these things
and demand something in return if the
child doesn't they're reminded of the
sacrifices that the parent made and
everything they've done
children become afraid to ask for help
and for things that they do need because
they'll be asked to give something back
that they don't want they may turn into
suspicious distrustful adults who
question kindness and doubt people's
intentions
number six they always put their
feelings first
putting your feelings first isn't bad
but if you do it often and at the
expense of others that is a toxic trait
parents who do this in a family
environment don't create positive
relationships with their children by not
considering the family's feelings and
opinions about family matters these
parents force their kids to hide their
true feelings to please and soothe the
parent
this can result in an adult who lies and
hides who they are and downplays their
own needs and feelings
number seven they demand your attention
and praise toxic parents can't live
without attention and praise it has to
be positive of course and you must give
it often
well-adjusted parents know that their
kid needs to be their own person away
from them to grow
htps constantly demand your attention
and interaction
this forced bonding is tiring and time
consuming for children they may turn
into adults that struggle to say no and
suffer through things they really don't
want to do because of leftover guilt
number eight they withhold love as a
form of punishment
being punished by your parents is
necessary to learn that consequences
exist for actions however healthy
punishment options exist
htps will often use the silent treatment
on their child to discipline them
instead of expressing their displeasure
in a productive way
this passive aggressiveness makes the
child feel pressured into solving a
problem that they didn't even cause
they may tell their kids that they don't
love or like them give them short rude
answers and dirty looks and refuse
physical touch
this manifests in children who hide the
truth from their parents or engage in
worse behavior if they believe that
their parents don't care about them
number nine they give no apologies and
take no blame
well-rounded parents aren't perfect
people and they're aware of this they
know that their actions can and do have
unpleasant consequences and they
communicate this with their children
when they hurt them unintentionally or
intentionally
htps are not in that group they are not
self-aware or focused on
self-improvement they always see
themselves as the victim they're too
preoccupied with judging people and
blaming everyone else even their own
kids they refuse to give an apology
because they believe that children
aren't worthy of them
this makes the child feel like the
wrongs done to them don't matter or need
correction so they become adults who
don't voice any grievances and suffer in
silence
number 10
they ignore healthy boundaries
well-rounded parents know that having
boundaries is good for themselves and
their children because it teaches them
self-respect
they will knock on the door first allow
you privacy and encourage general
communication within the family
htps don't know what boundaries are
at least not in regard to their kids
they give little to no privacy they
trample all over boundaries and force an
enmeshed dynamic in the family where you
can't tell where you start and the rest
of the family ends parents who display
this toxic trait make it difficult for
children to recognize set understand and
maintain boundaries
this child becomes an adult with little
understanding of healthy boundaries and
respect for others so
do you relate to any of the things we've
mentioned here
if you come from a home where you didn't
receive unconditional love affirmation
security practicing independence and
individuality can help you break this
cycle and be a better more adjusted
secure person
it takes a long time and a lot of work
but it's rewarding in the long run while
it may not be simple or possible for
some people to leave their toxic parents
and guardians action does need to be
taken to start healing if you are a
victim of toxic parenting therapy is
extremely important and helpful long
term
if you are a parent who sees these
characteristics in yourself help from a
mental health professional can help you
break these negative patterns did you
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are added in the description box below
as always thanks for watching and we'll
see you next time
you