hello the youth it's me Jack an older
person or as I like to think of it one
of your many betters we have a lot of
differences you and I and I'm sure that
I and others like me must seem like
aliens or like slower crankier versions
of you maybe it'd be better for you if
we just quietly faded away Into
Obscurity so that you don't even have to
think of us while you're out there
acting like you'll live forever would
you like that well this isn't about what
you like so just cram it and listen for
a second you entitled little jabronies
I'm here to address some of the more
common old people related complaints
I've heard made by you the
future high-waisted pants are the outfit
of choice for old folks and Walken
Phoenix in that one movie where he has
sex with a phone we hear you snickering
by the way when we walk down the streets
with our pants pulled roughly up to Mid
nipple you think we're doing it because
we're not hip and we haven't updated our
wardrobes to reflect modern times Well
in what will likely prove to be a theme
here you're wrong we don't wear
high-waisted pants because that was the
style when we were younger it's because
our bodies change as time goes on
remember when you were younger and went
through terrifying puberty well your
body's not done with you yet one day
your skin and gut and other parts are
going to go Rogue and make a lot of
changes including but not limited to an
increase in body fat up to 30% all
around your abdomen and when that
happens your options will be to wear
clothes in the normal fashion which
would highlight all of those
embarrassing changes or to hike your
pants up to the goddamn sky and say eat
me nature my waist is wherever I say it
is because I served in a war
probably if you've ever ever been inside
your grandparents house Andor pants
pocket you've probably come across some
hard candy it's the kind of candy that
you as a worthless youth who has never
had to do literally anything meaningful
with your bare hands would never spend
your money on because it doesn't have
layers of nougat or sour Crystal or IES
or whatever the hell passes for candy in
your world this is the candy of our use
and it serves as a pleasant reminder of
the past when things were better most
likely because you weren't here yet you
probably look at our hard candy bowls
and think we lack imagination but that's
just because you don't know anything
about science as you get older your
sense of smell and taste start to fade
away and the subtleties of different
tastes tend to get lost completely as a
result the only tastes old people can
truly identify are sour salty bitter and
sweet we don't have room in our mouths
for your fancy Umami flavors or anything
with a a hint of Rosemary or a whisper
of lavender just the basics Nature has
limited the amount of things I can
actually taste so if I'm going to have
something sweet you can bet your ass I'm
going to have the sweetest and most
longlasting candy I can get my mighty
bare hands on an old person sucking on a
hard candy isn't an unimaginative coder
who's given up on Delicacies it's a
person whose taste options are limited
so he's going to suck as much taste as
he can I'm going to squeeze every last
ounce of tastable flavor out of this
world do you hear me sugar you are not
safe from
me what you think we smell well we think
you smell go
[ __ ] okay fine the smell we can talk
about it you hang around old people and
you pick up on a smell and you assume
that at a certain age old people just
start to smell bad wrong this isn't a
natural smell it's a result of hoarding
the older you get the less you want to
throw things away and let things go so
you hold on to literally everything we
hold on to everything and then these
things start to accumulate smells as
they age and it sort of rubs off on us
antiques newspapers old clothes photo
albums we saving them all you wouldn't
know anything about this because all the
garbage you hold on to is still new
garbage even if you've been holding on
to something your whole life that makes
it what 18 25 years old oh please when
you smell the collected scent of
everything we've been hoarding for our
entire lives you're smelling your way
through history you're smelling Wars
you're smelling the depression the real
one the great one because back in our
day even the worst things were still
great this is the biggest stereotype
young people believe about old people
you are young and happy and we're old
and miserable because the world has left
us behind qu qu wrong again you think
we're mad because we don't like your
attitude or your music which is
undeniably garbage please we're mad
because we're animals but not just
animals the most not giving a fingest
animals on the planet you see as you get
old your body starts to betray you and
fall apart things sag your memory your
vision your hearing they all start to go
it's like an attack and what are your
options when you get attacked fight or
flight well oldtimers we reach a certain
age where flight just gets tossed right
out the window as an option seniors seem
cranky all the time because we are in
full-blown fight mode 24/7 I will fight
absolutely anything that decides to
trespass on the metaphorical lawn of my
life with everything I've got you're
damned right I'm mad Nature's trying to
say our time is up bite my ass nature
you coward I'm not done yet give me your
best shot turkey keep that in mind kudin
aren't being cranky as a way of saying
oh the world is different now and it
scares me they're saying to literally
everyone all the time come at me
bro my name's [ __ ] Jack by the
way hey thanks for watching this video
and make sure you like And subscribe and
if you want to watch an even angrier old
man explain why the youth is wrong about
everything be sure to check out dirty
Grandpa starring Hollywood icon Robert
DeNiro and insolent pretty boy Zack
Efron in theaters everywhere January
22nd click here to see the latest
trailer oh finally feel free to let me
know what your favorite candy is in the
comments and I'll feel even Freer to
ignore you because your tast and
everything is dog [ __ ]