is not available at the tone please
record your message when you have
finished recording you may hang up or
press one for more
options hi Dr
Nelson it's Jesse Ridgeway
um you were my therapist for many years
I I know we kind of left on bad terms
last year but and I I thought I heard
you're not even
practicing in New Jersey anymore but I
uh I'm starting to get to that point
again I feel like how I did years ago
remember when I started hearing
people I told you
remember started hearing voices and I
started to talk for
him and Happ I just I I I destroyed I
destroyed my doll
dma I would appreciate it if you
returned my
call
please yeah you used to say you wouldn't
know if you're going crazy
well I feel like I
am I feel like I
am
I don't know I don't know my
uh it's just my dad you know it's family
the family [ __ ] like kind of remember
when we did that group therapy session
it's kind of that
again I don't I just don't trust myself
right now and I need I need an
evaluation I I I have $8,000 so I don't
care how much I have to pay for it maybe
you can come to me okay please call me
soon I don't know what I don't know
what's going to
happen I'm not afraid of anything else
but myself right now because I just
destroyed this thing that I cared about
and I destroy everything else in my
life please please please Dr
nson I'm sorry if I was an ass I'm sorry
if I wasn't
ass you were just trying to
help
okay okay thank you
bye it's not available at the town
please record your message when you have
finished recording you hang up one for
more
options
Hey Hey
Jeffrey um think think it's about time
you came home and got some of your
stuff to your office just sitting there
man real nice film in there I think you
should come home get some of your stuff
come see uh come come visit Dad see how
he's
doing make sure he's doing all
right
Prodigy child The Prodigy son
returns
[ __ ] just uh come home soon you
know it'd be good to see you maybe maybe
this weekend or
something hope you had a good holiday
man hope the new house is great hope
your life's
great just uh I need you man I need my
brother uh give me call her something
just come
by I may be in the [ __ ]
basement or you know what might as well
go check out my room while you're at it
go look in my
room soon as you get home go look in my
room you can go ahead and [ __ ] Vlog
it
too
yeah all right see you
[Music]
man making my rounds
zero is not available no at the tone
please record your message when you
finished recording you may hang up or
press one for more
options hey buddy
uh yeah we didn't get your message
either because you were not speaking or
because of a bad connection shut the
[ __ ] up press one to record your message
press
two at the end of your message press
one hey man
um should have went with you should have
got in your car but you know what I the
passes in the past I have a
plan I have a plan and I need your help
I need you to do me a big favor if you
don't mind hold on let me just do
something real quick yeah Merk and
cheese yeah yeah actually you know what
you don't need to [ __ ] bring that it
doesn't
matter stat please man as quick as you
can I don't know I don't know where I'm
at right now I could use a
friend all right man uh let me know all
right
bye if you're satisfied with the message
press one to listen to your message
press to send your message with normal
delivery press one to your message with
urgent thank your message has been Fu
it's a different urgent
[ __ ] straight straight that's need
need
to make
this the best
game
go
oh
[ __ ] I'm
sorry
I'm sorry
Dad I'm sorry
juggies I will no longer be trying to
break into the
safe let me adjust the
angle my dad found
out late last night he must have just
coincidentally woke up and saw me on the
security feed trying to get into the
safe it's not even that he watched my
videos but if you are watching Dad I'm
sorry and
um this is my
self-punishment he threatened to sell my
car and Destroy what he has in storage
of my stuff
so I will no longer be trying to get the
money I don't know anything
now all I know is you guys and I need
to be up
front I am not a good
person
I am not a good person at
all I'm not a good son I'm not a good
friend I'm not a good
nephew I'm just not somebody you should
look up
too I've hurt so many
people and I have to live with
that and I have to look at myself in all
these [ __ ] videos and I have to look
in that screen right now while I deliver
this [ __ ]
message I deserve every bit of this this
is
me I get it
now I'm a psychopath yeah yeah I'm a
psychopath I'm [ __ ]
crazy I'm just a [ __ ] son I'm a [ __ ]
person I should not have anything good
this is what I deserve
deserve I don't deserve you I don't I
don't deserve three million people
watching me I don't I don't I don't
deserve people looking up to me don't
look up to
me don't aspire to be me you don't want
to be me you don't want to be a YouTuber
you don't want to play video games all
you want to do all you want to be is a
man you want to be an adult
you want people to respect you you want
to do things that people will look at
and say wow that is a good
person not
me I don't have anything left I and it's
and it's what should
happen I should just have to live with
myself and if I can't even [ __ ] do
that then who am
I who the [ __ ] am I then if I can't live
with myself what what do I think's going
to
happen maybe that's why I'm not leaving
maybe that's why I don't want to leave
maybe I'm making excuses cuz I'm afraid
to be with
myself and that's why I have to make up
these [ __ ] people in my
head I'm not made up I'm a part of
you I don't want to be split I don't I'm
sick
I'm sick of this [ __ ] disorder I'm
sick of
it I don't even want medication I don't
want to I don't want to be taking that
again this this is what I needed to do
this is what my dad did and if he did
this he wrote that on my board then I
could write this in here and be right
minded this is [ __ ] what I
am ah
all I have to say to you guys is I'm
sorry I'm going to be ending this
video
and I thought about it a lot I have two
choices
either I might not be able to make
videos for you guys
anymore
I don't think I can do
it I
don't I don't think I can spend another
day in this room trying to put on a
happy face for you guys when
everything's [ __ ] up around
me I can't do it I can't lie to myself
anymore I can't I can't do what you do
Jeffrey I can't can't do it I can't
convince myself that I'm okay when
everything around me says I'm not and
everyone around
me my
parents and my uncle and my friends and
every [ __ ] thing is
ruined it's
[Applause]
all
and now I am too I don't even have demma
I don't have anything and all I have is
you guys and I don't want I don't want
it to get to the point where I [ __ ] you
guys up too and maybe I already have so
I need to end this before it begins guys
I'm sorry but I don't think I can do
videos I really don't well I might have
to have a last
video and shut down my channel and my
dad would want this my dad wants this
and you know what I'm just going to go
live my [ __ ] life and so you guys
don't have to look at me anymore cuz I
don't want to and if I don't want to
then you shouldn't
either I never wanted to get to this
point I never wanted to get to this
point where you're looking at me like
this I I I I can only imagine what you
think of me I don't want it to do that I
don't want to do
that I want to be happy I want to
entertain you guys I don't want it to be
this [ __ ] pity
party
I don't I don't know if I'll be filming
tomorrow I don't want to come into this
room if I do come into this room I just
need to know what the [ __ ] I'm dealing
with I'm sorry
Dad I'll try and be better I know I know
how I have an idea I know I can make
this
better I know I can make this better
come with me guys there's only one shot
we got and this is the right thing I
don't care what [ __ ] demo says this
is what we're going to do uh I used the
tape at least you're good for for
something it [ __ ]
remains I got one shot at this
chies one shot turning
around being something good something I
can actually be proud of this is a
decision I
support okay bear with me guys bear with
me if I get in trouble for this this is
the biggest load of
[ __ ] where's Damian at shut the [ __ ] up
he's not around
anymore
just open the
please this one
[Music]
shot hey
uh my dad's not
here
[Music]
okay there
what
this this is us Dad this is
us please please please oh
[ __ ]
[Music]
h
[ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ]
[Music]
take this sh off take this [ __ ]
[Music]
off there we
go
[Music]
okay okay all right um that's I just
needed to do that I don't
know that's maybe the last decent thing
I can [ __ ]
do okay all right um guys I'm going to
go I'm going to just [ __ ] go I'm
going to have to call my dad cuz I guess
he's not [ __ ] here maybe I'll be uh
locked in here for an extra
hour I don't want to be in here I don't
want to do this anymore I'm sorry guys I
love you guys to death
and if anything happens I'll have the
camera on but I do not intend to film
anything tomorrow so with that I love
you guys to death and do not forget to
keep it
rigid
goodbye